tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84349252024-03-23T11:55:16.508-06:00EvydenseEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.comBlogger311125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-56300323995931671412009-01-01T18:38:00.002-07:002009-01-01T20:05:48.157-07:00TIMESTAMP: January 1, 2009Situation CRITICAL.<br /><br />We, as a generic tradition, tend to make some kind of "defining" or "dividing" issue of January 1. And it occurred to me, today is January 1, so look what's changed. I'm back. Don't get excited (I should only wish <smile>) but it won't be regularly. <br /><br />First, Please..... all of you, deeply feel my warm thanks for your kind feedback and support when I was at a low and unpredictable period in my life. The cool thing is that I know you're the kind of people who know that your words make (and made) a difference . And you know that I know that. 'nuff said. <br /><br />I'm back to doing a fair bit of TV gazing. And watching all the silly things about the hairstyle of the governor of illinois, and somehow why the string of letters n-e-g-r-o is offensive if written really close together like this---negro---(I wonder what makes a word "offensive"., and who gets to decide?), Sorta like drawing a cartoon of the Ahatollah, or stacking the Senate (we do it here in Canada, too, for any of my American friends who may read this...last week our Conservative Prime Minister appointed 18 Conservatives to fill empty seats (our senate is patronage appointments, purely the pm's decision...not elected like yours).<br /><br />I could go on, but you all know the list. We're in deep dippy-do, and it's occured to me that we're all sorta sitting on the deck of the Titanic, watching this really cool piece of ice through our binoculars. <br /><br />And so I thought, hmmmmmm.....<br /><br />And then, yesterday I watched a bunch of the yakkinghead-experts shows summarizing the year for me. <br /><br />And because the election was the big thing last year (Let Barack do the economy thing, OK) there was a lot of talk between party "strategists" and "advisors" about their strategies to win or lose or whatever. <br /><br />And it just occured to me. We KNOW as a certainty that there is a very diverse difference of, allow me to call it "political views", throughout the country. That's a given, isn't it? We KNOW with equal certainty that in any confrontation of a win-lose scenario you will end up with a final solution that does not sit well with at least some of the people . So, there's something wrong with that solution, isn't there? There's still some level of dissatisfaction. <br /><br />So my thinking went off in about 40 different directions, but eventually it all seemed to crystalize in "The man in the mirror". Why is so much energy, time, Television coverage (I could go on) spent on "Republican fighting Democrat". What;s the difference between 'em, anyway? Could I smell one if I passed him on the street. What difference does it make? Doesn't the label "American" sorta work as "one size fits all and we all have differing views to some degree". Then you could direct your energy to SOLVING the problems of those folks who said "Hey, what about us?", TAKING ADVANTAGE of the incredibly diverse views available to consider. The "best" solution is in there somewhere. I suppose in a way it's the old guns-vs-butter debate. <br /><br />We always seem to be afraid of change. I know I was. Jesus, I was afraid to change my underwear in case someone saw me naked. Ok, so I exaggerate. <br /><br />Let's think about this. Almost exactly half are currently "labelled" Democrat", and the other half, "Republican" (editorial subtle nested note # 1------and very soon there will be nearly 100% "Green" party). <br /><br />So, why not have co-president's? One representing each point of view. Ya got EVERYONE covered. What if they can't agree, you ask? You're missing my point. They MUST agree. That's the job you've given them, and you are required to help solve the problems they are asked to face in your name. <br /><br />And then I thought, no, we're still looking at it too shallowy. We're expecting gals and guys who are giving away 70 trillion dollars a couple times to companies making products that no one wants to buy to do things non-politically (they call it "in a bi-partisan way" in government speak) by POLITICIANS, fer gar's sake!. <br /><br />AND THEN I HAD THE SOLUTION. <br /><br />Just like big car automakers are wanted now as much as blacksmith's and wagon-wheel makers are in the transportation industry, let's just get rid of (bypass) politicians. Who decided they should get to be in charge. A bunch of guys 400 YEARS ago, people. What did they know about today, huh?. How can we LET them give $700 trillion unaccounted and then when asked, the company says they won't reveal how it was/will be spent. HELLO??<br /><br />Am I suggesting anarchy here? Perhaps it could be interpreted that way. There was a show on not long ago about various people who someone had chosen to call "hero" for whatever reason. It was positive and uplifting. It was the solution. <br /><br />Look DEEPLY AND HONESTLY AT YOURSELF. We are all witnesses to a massive train crash, and are taking movies of the gory parts. Isn't there just SOMETHING,......ANYTHING you can do. There have to be two-simultaneous movements started. And they have to work together BUT in different directions. (Think of it as "ye take the high road and I'll take the low road, and I'll be in Scotland afore thee) or something like that. We take different routes .... we get to the same place. <br /><br />WE THE PEOPLE should...MUST .... be able to take $700 billion to feed, cloth, educate, house, people. ALL PEOPLE. <br /><br />That's where we stumble. That's where we fall. That's where we simply stand by and don't TAKE ON OUR POLITICIANS. They're running OUR business, not theirs. It's OUR JOB to KEEP reminding them of that. CONSTANTLY. <br /><br />That;s where we refuse to face the reality that this planet can no longer sustain the human species as it exits (that's not a spelling mistake!) and is directing itself. It's truly a beautiful iceberg, isn't it? <br /><br />PEACE (and while you may be pondering all that trifling I've been doing, think of this: <br /><br />New Year's Eve is celebrated by EVERYONE all around the world, and seems to show that at least there is the CAPACITY for unity on "something". (The fact that wars are also being fought on New Year's doesn't change the reality that there is some kind of universal "New Year's" acknowledgment, even though some, for instance celebrate on totally different days (the Chinese, for instance) That proves the possibility, yes/no .... at least the POSSIBILITY. The problem is simply finding the various solutions needed for other problems as they occur, big and small ... but ALL, that's the key .... ALL are important, equally. I'm still trying to remember what the original intention of the United Nations was, and , for instance, how effective it was back in the days of, oh say, the Cuban missile crisis. <br /><br />Rick<br /><br />.Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-88723616530366235572008-05-19T11:32:00.003-06:002008-05-19T11:53:40.852-06:00There May Be Hope Yet"<em><strong>Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears</strong></em>.” - anon <br /><br />“<em><strong>The secret of Happiness is Freedom, and the secret of Freedom, Courage</strong></em>.” - Thucydides <br /><br />“<em><strong>Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear</strong></em>.” - Ambrose Redmoon <br /><br /><br /><A href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9wO2ozZlQvjGAi9me7IMQuuiIvIG4cLDCfF0jqfrBiWBV4YkpKhgIaJ6rSzUgyaS79xXNKAFmPVIPGLEUW4aAIwScsIoyJSjK3cSN5buCbKaxbk7UFOdFKra-thgzjR1_cHLv/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><IMG id=BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5202144496703669298 style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9wO2ozZlQvjGAi9me7IMQuuiIvIG4cLDCfF0jqfrBiWBV4YkpKhgIaJ6rSzUgyaS79xXNKAFmPVIPGLEUW4aAIwScsIoyJSjK3cSN5buCbKaxbk7UFOdFKra-thgzjR1_cHLv/s320/leaf_line.gif" border=0></A> <br /><br /><br />Something to REALLY think about (stolen from Nichevo's site). You MUST check out this short video. There are true, honest and good people in the world after all. I just let myself forget that for a moment. <br /><br /><a href="http://www.oanow.com/oan/news/local/article/soldier_from_auburn_to_refuse_iraq_deployment/13754/">Video hyperlink here</a>.<br /><br />PEACEEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-62486611568203416502008-05-09T08:58:00.011-06:002008-05-09T15:06:30.183-06:00Turning Points"<em><strong>A man must know his destiny… if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder… if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it</strong></em>.” - General George S. Patton<br /><br />"<em><strong>They used us as an excuse to go mad and then blamed it on us. Gandhi says create and preserve the image of your choice. The image of my choice is not Beatle George - those who want that can go and see Wings. Why live in the past? Be here now</strong></em>.” - former group singer George Harrison of "The Beatles"<br /><br />“<em><strong>A lot of people are waiting for Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi to come back -- but they are gone. We are it. It is up to us. It is up to you</strong></em>.” -Marian Wright Edelman<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqfsVkvslpwqG7vqiWg1FnF6PpouYeqdZwEmBqleq7M3uxBDEJ4eEspjn213As2RdX64187LZjTM4QzDSK2cjz37N_0bN7SqWxCAih-ouewlCQozm39MYsfJ01tDrLyoErD5e6/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqfsVkvslpwqG7vqiWg1FnF6PpouYeqdZwEmBqleq7M3uxBDEJ4eEspjn213As2RdX64187LZjTM4QzDSK2cjz37N_0bN7SqWxCAih-ouewlCQozm39MYsfJ01tDrLyoErD5e6/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5198394750761541586" /></a><br /><br />It is my belief that pretty much everyone has a few defining moments in their lives --- wedding days, first day of school, the best vacation ever, a career path chosen, a welcome hand extended. Everyone's is unique, of course, and some folks are obviously blessed with more of these moments than others are.<br /><br />Over the past month or so, I have been doing some serious soul-searching, contemplating, planning what remains of the rest of my life, however long or short that should turn out to be, and for better or worse, I have reached the conclusion that it will no longer consist of me yelling "WORLD PEACE" from the rooftops, or demanding that "one person CAN and MUST make a difference". I will never again attempt to do the "anonymous good deed" or apply the "pay it forward" philosophy of life. I say this not because I want to be particularly mean, but because I was taken for the innocent sucker-fool in a big way last year...not just once, but THREE times, and it has been one of those major turning-points in my life that I referred to above (more discussion on this point, naming Shane among others, below). <br /><br />And to be perfectly blunt, I no longer give a damn if the earth ends up as one environmental mess, garbage-strewn, covered with sick and dying babies and soldiers and birds and politicians and graft and greed and all those other things that it seems I've clearly been misjudging all my protected and unrealistic life, and as expressed as recurring themes in the past two-and-a-half years or so of this blog.. <br /><br />Why should I care about making (leaving) the world a better place for "our" kids....I don't have any kids or even descendants. No sweat off my gonads. Soldiers sign up knowing that they may be killed as a result of their job. So do telephone pole climbers, but no one sheds a tear or concern for them, and they don't make the local news when they shuffle off to their job, do they? So let the soldiers "die" if they think it's the noble thing to do; if they think, by doing so, they are somehow protecting my right to openly write this blog. Honor them in the name of "the country" if that's the politically appropriate thing to do, or if it's a conscience-cleansing process for you and/or the politicians who sent them there in the first place. <br /><br />In the end, it doesn't matter one scintilla. We all die sometime...might as well die a hero, which, somewhat ironically, is identically the same philosophy that drives a young suicide bomber to do what he does in the name of Allah. Is it not a much greater sacrifice to die as a martyr for your religion than for some artificially drawn line in the sand that someone a couple hundred years ago thought would make something they'd call a "country" and invent things like "patriotism" and "flag-waving" and a "constitution" and "passports" and "custom stations" and "immigration laws" and all that stuff? We condemn them as committing acts of terror, though, not because they're brave to face death in the mouth, but because we don't understand how they could feel SO strongly for their religion that it would be a driving, overriding, compelling force in their lives, whereas, by and large, most of us consider it to be a Sunday-morning nuisance thing. Anticipating the argument that "they walk into crowded markets to "do their thing" and innocents die as a result, I simply ask "What's the current body count of "collateral damage" by "our side" in Iraq, Afghanistan and any other place of conflict?" I believe it's around 90,000, isn't it? Don't even start on the "torture" theme.<br /> <br /><br />Centuries ago, white (Christian) man came to the shores of North America to calm the savage beast that roiled in the breast of every native american. And we treated them, in the name of Christianity, as shit. I remember as a kid, there was a building called "The ShingWak Home" that I was never allowed to ask about, and was never talked about, and CERTAINLY never allowed to go near, even on my bike. Turns out, it was one of the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of residential schools that the "Christians" forced native American kids to attend, ripping them from their families and lifestyles unwillingly, only to find themselves deeply abused, confused, grossly beaten and in some cases, disfigured, and afraid. <br /><br />By nuns. <br /><br />Only last week, a 5-year commission has been set up (headed by a native American judge) who intends to travel across the country letting the survivors tell their own stories of horror in their own words. Then there will be the "who-cares" lawyer-drafted, carefully-worded, cover-all-bases (read: CYA) official apology put into the record of the House of Commons, and then the several billions of dollars of restitution will be paid out. <br /><br />Can anyone spell "R-O-M-A-N C-A-T-H-O-L-I-C P-R-I-E-S-T?. <br /><br /><br />Has anyone noticed the censorship that is not-so-slowly-creeping into our language now WAY beyond any thought of "political-correctness", so you don't alienate a particular race, religion, color, creed, handicap, mental ability, or sewing circle they belong to (or, more specifically, George Bush's extreme right-wing-religious coalition of nut-crackers)? The "secret police" (and don't kid yourself for a second, this blog is likely being monitored, and websites are shutting down by the thousands every day just because some folks happen to enjoy experiencing what God gave us --- the human body --- and others think it's something filthy and to be ignored? That these same "secret police" now have the right to break and enter into the private sanctuary of your home without a search warrant on the "suspicion" of illegal activity (mostly committed by middle Europeans, of course, all in the name of national security....what a joke! Are they not full citizens as you and I with all the same rights?). Why is there not civil riot at the least over just that if nothing else?<br /><br />Can anyone spell B-O-S-T-O-N T-E-A P-A-R-T-Y?<br /><br /> Have we gotten that complacent? <br /><br />Can any one spell M-c-C-A-R-T-H-Y-I-S-M?<br /><br />My answer is a decided "Yes!", and so I'm joining the masses. I don't give a shit anymore. It's someone else's worry. I have enough of my own, thank you very much.<br /><br />One of my insights over the past month of belly-button-gazing is just that. My 60 years of life have been literally stolen from me by the threat, or implied threat, that I'm trash, not worthy of the title "human being". Well, for those who think that way, I have just one (rather harsh) thing to say to you "Piss on you". Many in the past have said encouraging things to me about what a great and helpful person I am. Please trust and believe me in your heart when I say I honestly and truly appreciate that feedback (who doesn't thrive on the occasional pat on the head). Thing is, up until now, I've needed the impossible....I've needed more....I've needed approval from <em><strong>everybody</strong></em>. We're talking at two totally different planes of existence here. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCSRAXxz4GS8Y5hwLJgg5vwgEqWcF33xIMvWCt6VMTkCCOVx8bNcBdaXphO_0Wuam0pbUM5oJtD-THR-1jzk30VId-OFKUVbAEbD3d1WHVHyyXggN-vRZz6rxxHRDhiw6DHMRR/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCSRAXxz4GS8Y5hwLJgg5vwgEqWcF33xIMvWCt6VMTkCCOVx8bNcBdaXphO_0Wuam0pbUM5oJtD-THR-1jzk30VId-OFKUVbAEbD3d1WHVHyyXggN-vRZz6rxxHRDhiw6DHMRR/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5198394664862195650" /></a><br /><br /><br /> I am gay. You know that many times over if you've been reading my blog. I truly acknowledge and thank you for allowing me to say that out loud and repeatedly in public. You have helped me peel off a thick layer of shame and disgust that has enveloped me all my life. I am kinky gay in that my body reacts with an extra "high", an "adrenaline rush" like a downhill skier or a racecar driver, or a tight-wire-rope walker, or the housekeeper expecting the wife's new boss for dinner, and hoping he's thought of everything, or a stage performer. This is the sort of thing I feel (most of you know it....it's that "groin" feeling, magnified many times over) when I contemplate stimulants of bondage and leather (and weed, for that matter). They are all absolute, irrevocable signs of giving up control (i.e. experiencing "trust" and "love" in the truest sense). <br /><br />I didn't ask for it, I just was dealt that card. I can hold it forever, which I've pretty much done up till now, fearing against all reasonable fear that somehow it will work against me and thus deny me any sense of human caring or I can play it, with daring and risk, as I'm doing here now. If that is disgusting to you, <em><strong>Stop reading. Go away. I don't need your opinion or input. Simple as that</strong></em>. One of the nurses attending me in the hospital a few months back, when I had been assigned him for his shift, and we were chatting,he told me he thought bondage was "pornographic" and changed assignments with another nurse when he found out so he wouldn't have to deal with me any more. It was his f**king job....on the psych ward no less!!<br /><br />If I get "gay-bashed" to within an inch of my life (or worse yet, become another Matthew Shepard.....look it up if you don't understand the horrific reference), so-be-it. I have never felt the love enjoyed and the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual sharing of my body with that of another who loves me back in much the same way. I don't believe I have ever felt the emotion of "love" as most people mean it. (oh yeah, I say things like "I just love the job you did on re-modelling your kitchen", or "I love that photo you took with all the subtle shadows"), but I can't say, like my niece in Chicago said in front of a gathering of over 100 witnesses this past weekend, that she "loves" her new husband from her heart, till death do them part, and he hers. <br /><br />I am bipolar; obviously I'd rather not be, but I am, so I'll live with it. The doctors keep guessing at which meds, how much and when I should take them, so I do. I have Menieres Disease....no known cause... no known treatment....no known cure. Obviously, I'd rather not have it, but I do, so I'll live with it. It's making me go deaf, 100% deaf in my left ear now, with about 70% left in my right. I'm told I have about 3 or 4 years left probably before I'm totally deaf. I throw up randomly, and get undescribably intense spinning/dizzy sessions lasting sometimes up to half an hour or more. Obviously, I have to be very careful of any impending signs, because I don't get a lot of warning, 30 seconds to a minute or two maybe. I always drive in the curb lane now in case I have to pull over in a hurry. I'd rather not have to do this, but I do. I'm not, and never have been, very strong physically. Up until now, I've blamed others for preventing me the opportunities, but that one's all my fault. I could have and can do something about it. I have never considered myself at all physically "attractive", but that's out of my hands and for others to judge. Besides, it's totally unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I even had the thought that if, for instance, teenagers laugh <em><strong>at</strong></em> me for wearing the wrong style of clothes for instance, at least <em><strong>they're laughing</strong></em>. That's gotta be good for something. . <br /><br />That's my reality.<br /><br />Can anyone spell L-O-O-K O-U-T F-O-R Y-O-U-R-S-E-L-F, <br /> N-O O-N-E E-L-S-E W-I-L-L? <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuf5bmrN0GlC4rPST2WcnoA4aW8WgySsTO2Nd1D5uEUku7a5eKvcUnqaroqNj4Y1gQTF4VjF1pIBCT2ExR11L_ej2aLIr8JGkutuzmuubwdub14d5VcvqJJNNlVLhep9CjMjyl/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuf5bmrN0GlC4rPST2WcnoA4aW8WgySsTO2Nd1D5uEUku7a5eKvcUnqaroqNj4Y1gQTF4VjF1pIBCT2ExR11L_ej2aLIr8JGkutuzmuubwdub14d5VcvqJJNNlVLhep9CjMjyl/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5198457689212297186" /></a><br /><br /><br /> A political candidate can't use a single (<em><strong>truthful but not "political"</strong></em>) word in his campaign (witness a week or so ago in Pennsylvania) without both the press and his opponent making it the major news item for a few days, not to mention that the word was sometimes intentionally and conveniently taken out of context to suit the speaker's needs. For God's sake, aren't there more important issues to deal with? <br /><br />Peace, however you want to define or describe it, is an illusion, never be to be achieved, but, at best, hoped for by a few. Dreamers. Some people use their dreams as a motivator. I used to be one of those people, I think. <br /><br />Suffering babies, and adults, will continue to be tortured and die in countries that we don't "control", not to mention the millions of our own citizens that we shamefully neglect while the politicians fly around the world for photo-ops and carefully pre-scripted meetings in multi-million dollar jets at our..MY...expense, spend TRILLIONS of our money....unaccounted for, largely....and I can't do a damn thing about it. I don't give a rat's ass anymore that you literally need to BUY political power now (witness the $18,000,000 (That's pronounced "million", folks) spent by Obama just for advertising in Pennsylvania recently....in a <em><strong>losing</strong></em> cause). Sure.....convincee me again what used to be a believable truth that "<em>anyone can be President, son</em>." <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihNq-WclGIzjhturNyT4J9j1SXeSHGaag5fY2wAkItpxsnAagS7mr-FR2BuKvSfICGa-fZBGbtlx-TGB-Ebq2UDUYIYiDqS_AttmisygWF7E0xcg4716V6bP5MAgbkUS8K9Iuc/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihNq-WclGIzjhturNyT4J9j1SXeSHGaag5fY2wAkItpxsnAagS7mr-FR2BuKvSfICGa-fZBGbtlx-TGB-Ebq2UDUYIYiDqS_AttmisygWF7E0xcg4716V6bP5MAgbkUS8K9Iuc/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5198394544603111346" /></a><br /><br /><br />The following is one of the parts that I've debated long and hard including in this, partly explaining its delay in posting what will most likely be my final blog entry. I say that because it goes against everything I have tried to be, and am no longer willing (or perhaps selfish enough)to give the effort. But, perhaps out of selfishness, perhaps for that pat on the head, perhaps for balance in my life, I am going to give a partial list of things I've done and folks I've helped in the past.<br /><br /> You of course can put this list into any category you wish. The "new" me says it doesn't matter anymore to me what you think. Just what I think. Numero Uno. This is who I think I've been....who I've tried to be, at least. I am embarrassed, humiliated, shocked, appalled, disgusted, revolted, shamed by the price that three separate individuals have made me pay for my mistakes during this past year, but <em><strong>MUCH</strong></em> more significantly, for my life.The three are: David, Luc and Shane. They were the main driving factors beyhind my very serious attempt at suicide in February. I acknowledge that "the bad guys have won now, and <em>I'm laying down my sword</em>", but not at the expense of my life. No, that's mine to keep. They can take everything else. <br /><br />FIRST:<br /><br />The three "big" rip-offs that I suffered, endured and was totally and publically humiliated by during this past year, all the while being laughed at as a simpleton sucker undermined whatever fragile self-esteem I had built up. <br /><br />1) David: The owner of the paint company who painted my house gave me a price, and after the job was complete, raised it by $2000, and asked for the extra "in cash". I knew as well as the next guy that he was simply avoiding taxes, and felt very uncomfortable doing it, but I did. I was a "mark" then. And I went against one of the few principles I've tried to lived by. I failed....knowingly and intentionally. <br /><br />2) Luc: Two of the four kids that did the painting live very close by, and he, sometimes with one of his buddies, would come by every day for a toke. Simple-minded, pollyannic me believed him. I thought I could make a difference, slow and sure, with the kid. I truly thought I saw potential in him. I didn't discover till months later that he was just coming to also "help" himself to other things, mostly weed, to get him through the day, and that was the sole purpose of his visit. His friend, I found out, stole $100 among other things directly out of my wallet. I felt raped. Turns out, he laughs in my face and calls me a "sucker", adding that I am "exactly the type of easy sucker they prey on." Not an iota of remorse. I can't grasp that. And not a single penny reimbursed. <br /><br />3) Shane: You all know about Shane. I posted a few vitriolic and negative entries awhile back when it became obvious he never had any intention of paying me back a dime of the several thousand I lent him. At his request, still being the simple-minded fool that I was, I acquiesced to his request and removed the blog entries that "offended" him. I got an e-mail from him directly after saying he would have a partial payment to me by Western Union by <strong><em>the Friday of that week</em></strong>, and was taking on extra assignments to make up the difference. <br /><br /><em><strong>That has been the last I've heard from him</strong></em>, and if I recall, that was sometime back around Christmas, give or take. <br /><br />One, okay....I made a bad judgement. Two....caution flag is up...be careful you don't go overboard here. Three....intolerable. Especially when perpetrated by someone who has "worked" their way into your kindnesses. For that, I say collectively, "Piss on all three of you". <br /><br />There is another, more historical side, however. This is the part I find difficult, because it betrays the original intent, but I want those three assholes named above to understand what they've destroyed, if they're capable of it, which I sincerely doubt. IF not, just to clear my conscience, and put my "whole exisitence" out there, and not just the crap. <br /><br />This will BY NO MEANS be a complete list, but certainly representative. Also, it will primarily consist of monetary help, even though I have offered far more of my time (read "life") than money. <br /><br />-I have paid for the tuition and fees of three single moms to go through our two-year program when I was teaching, because I could easily see their potential for success, but they couldn't get past the budget part without working 3 jobs, etc. <br />-I lent/gave $5000 to a friend who was struggling with a primarily-seasonal business she was trying to get off the ground, intending to help get her through her first "dry spot" as she got established. Unfortunately, she went bankrupt. <br />-I have paid for the airline tickets for I-don't-know-how-many family members and relatives to attend things like weddings, funerals, etc, when they couldn't afford it themselves (mostly the college-age ones!)<br />-I have paid for four airline tickets to strangers on the net whose buddy/loved one was shipping out for Iraq much earlier than first expected, and wanted to see them for what literally could possibly be "one last time", but they simply couldn't afford it. Three of them, BTW, wrote me awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping tributes after the fact.<br />-I have given hundreds of dollars to panhandlers in the streets over the years (I'll never pass one up if I have any coinage at all...and we have a $2 coin here in Canada now!). Often, instead, I'll take them into a close-by burger joint and get them a salad and burger or whatever...probably the first decent food they've had in days, and listened to their stories. Mostly very sad, abused, neglected, alcoholic, but the occasional one that stirs the soul in a positive way. Some are getting to know me! Now, though, I'll cross the street to avoid them.<br />-When I was teaching (20 years) I used to drive cross-country in the summertime (3 days), pick up my Mom, and then we'd make the "family tour" of visits (Mom never learned to drive). When it was over, I'd have a 3-day trip alone back across the prairies. I never turned down a hitchhiker, no matter what they "looked like", as long as I had room in the car. And I Never let them out of the car without at least a $20.00 bill sticking out of their jeans pocket for emergencies, food, whatever, including my address and phone number, and a standing invitation if they were ever in my neck of the woods and need a place to stay over for the night, well.... I got "thank you" notes from lots of them over the years. Only one came to stay overnight, though. <br />-One, in particular (I found out a few days after I had picked him up) was a 14-year-old (he could have passed for 19 or 20!) was on parole, had a warrant out for his arrest, and just wanted to get out of the province (Ontario) as fast as possible. (I found all this out much later). He was a lad of few words, but he kept "changing" his destination as we moved further west, until finally, we reached my hometown, and his story came flooding out of him like Niagara Falls. I almost had the feeling that he had been "testing" me for a couple days to see if I was someone he could truly trust and confide in." It was one of the common, tragic, beaten-by-parents and thrown out on his own type story. (by now he was headed to an uncle on the coast). Long story short, I had the police check me, a group of "concerned parents" checked me out, I flew his Mom out to meet me and check out my house (and took her in to talk to my lawyer once. He asked her to leave briefly at the end of the session, and said simply to me "The best thing for that lad right now is to keep him as far away from her as possible." I flew his uncle from the west coast (who also was gay) to "see" if I was a threat...he committed suicide about 4 months later, I spent 3 hours with my lawyer discussing all the repercussions (for which he didn't charge me one red cent). The upshot of it all was I had his parole transferred here, I got him enrolled in school, and I guess (subliminally, probably) tried to treat him as the son I never was and knew I'd never have. <br />He paid me what I consider to be one of the greatest compliments of my life when he said to me one day at breakfast (we did a lot of talking at breakfast!);" You know what's different about you, Rick, from all the others who have tried to help me? You're the only one who's doing something because it's not your job to do it." Eventually, unfortunately, things soured past the point of redemption (he was making "bombs" and the like in my basement, was not taking school seriously (missed much more than he attended) set fires on neighbour's lawns, you get the picture. I know a leopard can't change spots overnight, but reluctantly I eventually decided that I couldn't handle him, and sent him back home. He kept in touch regularly by letter, with no sense of bitterness, but more of at least trying, until he ended up in Juvie Hall, and I haven't heard from him since. I was down visiting a few weeks after I sent him back, and he invited me around to their "new" house, but the door to one of the bathrooms was closed, and he said "We're not looking in there. That's where my uncle killed himself yesterday". <br />It was a great 4 or 5 months I had with him. Did I make any difference? Only he knows, but I doubt it. Is it worth the effort? My answer now is a resounding "NO!"<br />-I put up 12...count em....12 students from an International Baccalaureate school based in B.C. who were travelling across the country,in my house when they were on a tight budget to get back home to Europe!) My nephew attended the school many years ago now, and assured them they'd all be welcome....as they were, of course). (7 or 8 of them didn't speak very much English. <br />-I billeted 3 kids on the advance team for "Up With People" group a few years back because no one else wanted three guys for that length of time. One was from Germany, one Switzerland, and one Holland. I had them for 5 days, and could write an entire series of blogs just on that one experience, from white-water rafting and hot-air ballooning, to extensive community service, to helping an alcoholic fit his wheel chair in the trunk of a taxi on Whyte Avenue, a major thoroughfare here, with lots of unique shops and boutiques and cool drinking spots. As he was thanking them with a slur and a few tears, he mentioned it was his birthday and they instantly broke out singing an impromptu "Happy Birthday" right there. People just don't that sort of thing here...do they? After that, a bit of a crowd gathered, and there was about a half hour impromptu concert right on the sidewalk until the police sent us on our way because people were starting to stand in the street, causing a danger. (We went pubbing every night with a bunch of the other kids, and I think there were a dozen or so this particular night). <br />-I paid for the books of a college student so she could continue her dream of getting her diploma. I got an invitation a couple days ago to her graduation. Honours Role. President's List. Not too shabby. <br />-I have made anonymous donations to funds set up to help kids who lose both parents in a car accident, or donated unused furniture and clothing to families burned or flooded out of theirs, or "Coats for Kids" r any of the other places I can give "<em><strong>things</strong></em>" to. <br />-I never left my office at the end of the day while I was teaching (20 years) until there were no more students waiting to ask a question, or seek help of some sort (any sort!)<br />-I always had a year-end student party at my place for each class that I had taught that year. <br />-I have bought and paid for Christmas presents for families with kids, knowing they couldn't afford them on their own, and left them on their doorstep anonymously on Christmas Eve. <br />-A few weeks back, I donated $600 to "American Idol Gives Back", figuring I'd put my money where my mouth is and feed the starving kids in Africa. In the meantime I'd reduce my food budget by $50 a month for the next year. So, I won't eat out quite as often, and I'll have the occasional frozen pizza instead of fresh, or mac & cheese instead of grilled steak on the Bar-B-Q. Is that a sacrifice? To some, maybe. Not to me. I'm not going to let it. I understand what "grace" before a meal is for now. It has meaning. It has human significance. <br /><br />Perhaps that is a list of some significance to some of you. It isn't to me. I have one simple reason for saying that. THINGS are replaceable. PEOPLE are not. <em><strong>I have a shortage of PEOPLE in my life</strong></em>, and it's almost over. That saddens me when I dwell on it. <br /><br />So, am I changed person, or just a confused, manic/depressive who is letting off some frustrated steam? I think the long delay in publishing this post may help answer that question. Who truly knows?<br /><br />It truly has been a pleasure communicating with you....all of you, and while I may be back sometime, I doubt it. Bless you in whatever way you consider to be the most important and significant way that one human can give another. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwLOvaXgdGvW7Npry4-WMzxrSc-Neg0CtEUE3laACClRqYIPYmWI7OXww_1K4zC_kCPq5igwLQAXS-ImfxkrJXy2e7yw43k34uIUy6ead3kx8DVONJqU873Ifld6sZx9z0docX/s1600-h/Ying-Yang-Poster-C10112834.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwLOvaXgdGvW7Npry4-WMzxrSc-Neg0CtEUE3laACClRqYIPYmWI7OXww_1K4zC_kCPq5igwLQAXS-ImfxkrJXy2e7yw43k34uIUy6ead3kx8DVONJqU873Ifld6sZx9z0docX/s320/Ying-Yang-Poster-C10112834.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5198469908394254322" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />Cheers<br /><br />RickEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-77947360292335676592008-03-30T14:54:00.008-06:002008-03-30T16:50:02.855-06:00Some May Say That I'm A Dreamer, But ......."<em><strong>Everyone likes to differentiate between business and consumers but I don't see the difference really. Most people are people. I get personal and business mail and I have one set of contacts from my life. I don't want to manage two sets. I want one view of my world</strong></em>." - Steve Ballmer<br /><br />"<em><strong>This is really the fundamental question for all of us. How do you make a difference and what difference does it make? This has to be highly personal. The only thing you can change is you</strong></em>." - Martin Sheen<br /> **********************************<br /><br /> "I was reading the small book called " Islam ,by Ahmed Hulusi.<br /><br /><em><strong>The more we open ourselves to each other, the more we see how close we really are.<br /><br /> On Page 55 he says, " Our brains mathematically construct objective reality by interpreting frequencies that are ultimately projections from another dimension, a deeper order of existence that is beyond both space and time</strong></em>." <br /><br />[<em>small sidenote to this: strange and quirky as it may sound, this concept ties in very nicely to some of the concepts discussed in "Chaos Theory", which is currently being studied and investigated in hundreds of universities around the world. I personally find it very exciting and stimulating</em>.]<br /><br /><em>[....continuing....]</em><br /><br />"<em><strong>ISLAM - As I read that, I was thinking how I considered the possibility that UFO's were from inner space and not outer space. <br /><br />They exist but can only be seen by those whose brain waves rise to a higher frequency. This sometimes happens all by itself. <br /><br />Ahmed Hulusi presents Islam in a most interesting and enlightening way. <br /><br />We truly are all one</strong></em>" -(taken from the website www.hiddenmeanings.com/east.html/ )<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiObaB1_VYnAquTpP8_4wrR1_yOuCmUctzUFvHxnLN5VNe7EftNycERKbuxyNkxfNlMli7_KEEN6svzSj1y5noYx4uCIO23ImpuPikr0fNZQHMU1gU3t0CFTRMonet97iu-n5wK/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiObaB1_VYnAquTpP8_4wrR1_yOuCmUctzUFvHxnLN5VNe7EftNycERKbuxyNkxfNlMli7_KEEN6svzSj1y5noYx4uCIO23ImpuPikr0fNZQHMU1gU3t0CFTRMonet97iu-n5wK/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183643279426216466" /></a><br /><br />[<em>Truism, Platitude, Commonplace, Futility, Banal, Trite, Knee-jerk, Habit, Beaten Path, Second Nature, Prevalence, Convetionalism, Mode, Fashion, Worn-Out<br /> ......the list is virtually endless.<br /><br />"You can't fight city hall."<br />"It's the back room boys and corporations that have all the power."<br />"Let someone else worry about it, I'll just take care of my own."<br />"It's someone else's problem....Lord knows, I've got enough of my own."<br />"We pay people to worry about things like that."<br />"Tokenism will get you nowhere."<br />"The good things never make it onto the news, so why bother."<br />"It's a lost cause, it won't be long now."<br />"It's simply "survival of the fittest, as it's always been."<br />"It's a self-determining method of world population growth."<br />"Who doesn't go to hockey games to see the fights instead of the game? Man, there's nothing sweeter than a good scrap, is there?"<br />"Look, men have been fighting men for centuries, and I certainly have no impact in affecting that trend."<br />"An uzi is a penile projection of a male's place in the pecking order of things."<br />"Goddammned peacenik, we're giving up our lives so you can say the things you say."<br />"Everyone wants peace....that's a non-sequitor. What's your point?"<br />"Look, be realistic here. What can just one anonymous person do?"<br /> "Kill or be killed. That's what I say. All the goddammed gooks, pakis and wetnecks are already trying to take over the world. What then?"<br />"Revenge must be exacted. Iraq (oops..it wasn't Iraq after all, but who cares about details) flew a couple airplanes into a couple of our buildings, and so we have no choice. An eye for an eye."<br />"Anyone who doesn't agree with me is screwed in the head."<br />"What a narrow-minded person you are."<br />"The United Nations is an out-dated joke."<br />.....the list is endless.</em><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCvCjf9ZO_qKG_tiWc0wyEcIiYNR6nuJOFrQgJOVZR-RMLoMG6v4aUjfpQWIoK4bWM2cf9M2pkhyphenhyphen_FByPLcHij4Yp4HiB6zx_dqymRT5rHhPZNvBr37CdITBrosOm_KGG2DA4l/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCvCjf9ZO_qKG_tiWc0wyEcIiYNR6nuJOFrQgJOVZR-RMLoMG6v4aUjfpQWIoK4bWM2cf9M2pkhyphenhyphen_FByPLcHij4Yp4HiB6zx_dqymRT5rHhPZNvBr37CdITBrosOm_KGG2DA4l/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183648081199653410" /></a><br /><br />[<em>I think this one may shock you a bit, folks. I agree with absolutely everything I've written up above. By that, I mean there are hundreds of thousands of people in virtually every country in the world who hold at least one of those views, or something closely related. <br /><br />So, that makes me a stupid Don Quixote tilting at windmills, right? <br /><br />WRONG!<br /><br />I believe I am largely misunderstood, and therefore largely ignored whenever I start on one of these "thought-streams." All I ask is that you take a couple minutes and follow along with me if you feel like it. If you don't, that's obviously your choice (but re-read the third quote up above befor moving on to the next moment of your life.) <br /><br />I'm simply trying an alternative, and I happened to pick the problem "Bring me World Peace", because it's one that a lot of people would likely get behind, at least cerebrally......but the issue is, ONLY cerebrally. "Yeah, I want World Peace. What time's the playoff game on?" <br /><br />There's no way you, or I, or ten million people are going to bring about "world peace". First of all, I can almost guarantee that if you asked 100 people what they meant by it, you'd get 99 answers, and the 100th guy dropped dead before having a chance to express his view. <br /><br />FACT: CONCLUSION: "World Peace" will NEVER be the same thing to all people. <br />CONCLUSION: Don't waste what lifetime you have left going after a useless, impossible "goal." <br /><br />QUESTION: Ignoring everyone else's understanding of "World peace", is there anything I could do to "get there"? First question, though, is "Do I want to?". If you answer the second question "No", give up on "World Peace as a goal for cripeys sake. You have more important problems to attend to. <br /><br />AHA!!!!<br /><br />QUESTION: What is the most important PROBLEM facing me in my life right now (notice I didn't say "most important "THING", because you've probably already got that (food, clothing, shelter, family, friends, love....the list is endless)<br /><br />QUESTION: Do I CARE to do anything to get rid of that problem, or at least make it "less onerous".?<br /><br />If NO, live a happy and prosperous .....and EMPTY and UNFULFILLED and UN-GROWING life, my friend. Millions pick that option, it's nothing to be ashamed of. (Read the 3rd quote above again, though). <br /><br />Here's the cruncher:......If YES, a) what's in my way of getting rid of it, b) can I get rid of it, c) do I need help getting rid of it, d) who can I get to help, and most important of all, e) will anyone else be hurt in the process of my solving my most immediate/important problem. <br /><br />I personally believe, FUNDAMENTALLY, (and of course you don't have to agree partially or at all) that ANY and ALL ISSUES (I won't call them problems anymore) can be resolved on the back of the concept of TOLERANCE. <br /><br />We're an intolerant world, an intolerant, greedy, biased, prejudiced species of animal. And because of that, we ARE DOOMED TO SELF-DESTRUCTION. <br /><br />As soon as we can come to understand the difference between "Needs" and "Wants", we'll have a chance of turning the great ship "Mother earth" around. Until then, we're heading straight for the iceberg in the middle of the night, singing "Nearer My God To Thee" as we take in the night sky on the deck. <br /><br />So I guess that's what I've come to realize with the life path that I've followed. I've observed that when I'm tolerant of others, and giving of "needs", my life is enriched, as is theirs. When I'm intolerant, rude or prejudiced towards another (as I have often been....I'm no saint!!) and am greedy enough to let my "wants" be more important than another's "needs", then I am no better than a beast, an animal, one unqualified to wear the label "Human". <br /><br />Can enough people change in time?<br />The pessimist says "No".<br />The optimist says "Yes".<br /><br />How many people turned off their lights at 8PM last night?<br />How many Rosa Parks, and Gandhis, and Mandellas and Kings are out there who are much more eloquent than I could ever hope to be? <br /><br />FINAL QUESTION: What are you going to do about it TODAY to reduce your main issue....your personal one, not mine or your neighbour's....yours. <br /><br />That becomes the only choice you have to make today. I hope and trust you make it wisely, but if it turns out not to work, back up and try something else (remember the ping pong ball from my last blog?)<br /><br />(P.S. Just to set the air clear, based on a few comments left on my previous entry, I'm not a "pacificist" in the sense that I abhor violence when it's needed for protection (Matty's baseball bat example is a great example). I'm a pacifist when it comes to the <strong>needless</strong> hurting of other souls.)</em><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0870qqPUxXpfmrvwTvk0q13jdW8OtPo4csN9eGwSgl0DcQarnzDzkIAqFk3UgcqBhN2t2GhYYlsCECA_Ex_dlmC0z5h66vG3NI5JpaGQFnCdYu7kLStRIj-udZKeFKAKEuzeN/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0870qqPUxXpfmrvwTvk0q13jdW8OtPo4csN9eGwSgl0DcQarnzDzkIAqFk3UgcqBhN2t2GhYYlsCECA_Ex_dlmC0z5h66vG3NI5JpaGQFnCdYu7kLStRIj-udZKeFKAKEuzeN/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183657238069928498" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSaK9GsD8wWejTUY5UacRNqAzcPka48LTLAJs7Zjy-B5j7K1R7XqROUbUoRoWnrINt8_JrEKaHWsXnj6Q_SMFipKNNc6rO8uLhwKrl54hFJx9S9b1PLct2orqIswR3yP-E8DSl/s1600-h/s07iran-iraq-war.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSaK9GsD8wWejTUY5UacRNqAzcPka48LTLAJs7Zjy-B5j7K1R7XqROUbUoRoWnrINt8_JrEKaHWsXnj6Q_SMFipKNNc6rO8uLhwKrl54hFJx9S9b1PLct2orqIswR3yP-E8DSl/s320/s07iran-iraq-war.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183669251093455458" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />WAR MEANS..... <br />(a poem by Trade Martin)<br /><br />WAR MEANS death……, <br />WAR MEANS destruction……, <br />WAR MEANS fire……, <br />WAR MEANS bombing….., <br />WAR MEANS sorrow…..<br />WAR MEANS turmoil….., <br />WAR MEANS tears……, <br />WAR MEANS guns….., <br />WAR MEANS blood…..., <br />WAR MEANS confusion…., <br />WAR MEANS explosions….., <br />WAR MEANS mutilation……, <br />WAR MEANS sickness……, <br />WAR MEANS killing….., <br />WAR MEANS occupation….., <br />WAR MEANS loss……, <br />And lots more……, <br /><br />But after one side….., <br />Or the other side….., <br />Has finally had enough…., <br />And lays down their arms <br />To surrender and give up….., <br /><br />WAR MEANS PEACE….! ! ! <br /><br />….Trade Martin,2007. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ihl0V_QksXbgzI8Yv09y7hjcFr3iMzzn31HOtA5zeBIiNMmS0-obgRcZkrp-AL5eRaCUUeK03SSG2TszEIRr0n_62g4684piP2y6NUFxS-r39_pvElYVeXucNx7gssHxMRvJ/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ihl0V_QksXbgzI8Yv09y7hjcFr3iMzzn31HOtA5zeBIiNMmS0-obgRcZkrp-AL5eRaCUUeK03SSG2TszEIRr0n_62g4684piP2y6NUFxS-r39_pvElYVeXucNx7gssHxMRvJ/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183667185214186050" /></a><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDclCMG_eGOVB9CAJJGbyvkabAMCLvdpX4GY51dxVMZoqZeNPNtc9pHB_cW1ON3_E9AaxCcTfXGcyfk0wffoAGL1gksNmstcuwdYyS_ydWjQWhAWM8wjW5euZ10goLVQ_lCF7G/s1600-h/121.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDclCMG_eGOVB9CAJJGbyvkabAMCLvdpX4GY51dxVMZoqZeNPNtc9pHB_cW1ON3_E9AaxCcTfXGcyfk0wffoAGL1gksNmstcuwdYyS_ydWjQWhAWM8wjW5euZ10goLVQ_lCF7G/s320/121.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5183668907496071762" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Path Of Peace<br /> <br /> (a poem by Paul Mc Cann)<br /><br />Peace is an easy path to tread<br />Peace is where our fears are mislaid<br />Peace is beginning to restore<br />Peace for each man, woman and child<br />Peace for the troubled streets gone wild<br />Peace is for the old and the young<br />Peace in the end will overcome<br />Peace builds trust into a lifestyle<br />Peace is a friendly open hand<br />Peace is a place to understand<br />Peace in the end will overcome<br />Peace is for the old and the young<br />Peace is a legacy to leave<br />Peace is when we don't have to grieve<br />Peace is and end to all the hate<br />Peace is why we negotiate<br />Peace for all the victims of war <br /><br />Paul McCann <br /> <br /> <br /><br /><br /><br />PEACEEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-81280375011931913372008-03-25T13:40:00.009-06:002008-03-25T15:55:39.949-06:00War And Peace: In Song And In Poetry - Part 2"<em><strong>For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change</strong></em>." - Ingrid Bengis<br /><br />"<em><strong>Wars generally do not resolve the problems for which they are fought and therefore... prove ultimately futile</strong></em>." - Pope John Paul II<br /><br />"<em><strong>As you reach your goals, set new ones. That is how you grow and become <br />a more powerful person</strong></em>." - Les Brown<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRN9VCqfwo_ucE2DGvRVkDLJp9ESuZ7aXsn_3W0-EWpTzaXs-QAx0fTx8QSTgdMXMKzP5FMh2HOAkGl0_OT0hY4lioog2orgz-IHzSNvolU5FZz0H7oDuQExF0cFmuYsDYcaPi/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRN9VCqfwo_ucE2DGvRVkDLJp9ESuZ7aXsn_3W0-EWpTzaXs-QAx0fTx8QSTgdMXMKzP5FMh2HOAkGl0_OT0hY4lioog2orgz-IHzSNvolU5FZz0H7oDuQExF0cFmuYsDYcaPi/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181772082434433442" /></a><br /><br />[<em>First, thank you all so much for leaving your thoughtful comments on my previous blog. To me, it shows two things: first, at least five people are giving some level of thought to the issue (with a special thanks to Rositta for being a first-time commenter...much appreciated!), and second, it will never be possible to get eveyone to "agree" on "a solution" (although I'm sure we all knew that already. It would be naive and candy-cane-lane-dreaming to think otherwise). So does that mean we have only the two options as expressed by some of you? "I wish there would be peace, but I'm realistic enough to realize that there will always be war, so why fight it (pardon the pun!) So what the hell can I do about it? I sure can't stop the Iraq war, so what is the point of my blogs, anyway? Good question!!<br /><br />The young teenager was helping her Mom get the Thanksgiving turkey ready for the family gathering and, as she always did with both the Christmas and Thanksgiving turkey, she carefully cut off the wings, and tucked them in the roaster down beside the bird. The young girl asked her Mom, "Howcum you always cut off the wings like that?" The mother thought about it a second, and answered, "Well, that's the way MY mother always did it." Persisting, the girl asked, "So why did SHE do it?" "I don't really know" came the response, but now you have me curious too. Let's call her and find out." So the appropriate call was made, the converstaion took place, and the results were the same ("Because Grandma always used to do it, and who's going to argue with Grandma's cooking!! But now you've got me curious, I'm going to phone her and find out." The call was made, the question asked, and the reply was "I never had a roasting pan big enough to take the whole bird without it hanging over the edges and dripping fat in the hot oven, so I chopped off its wings first."<br /><br />Sometimes, we fight wars just because we always have. It clearly and obviously is a method that doesn't work to solve any problem it might have set out to accomplish, so again we're back to our black-and-white choice. What is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL is that we recognize that the "essence" of "war" changed in the early 1900's in World War I with the introduction of mustard gas as a weapon. It was the first weapon that murdered indiscriminately, and all we've done in the last century is continue to refine the concept, and become more immune to the inevitability of the results. Do I moan and groan and say I can do nothing, or do I get on the phone to Bush and order him to withdraw the troops immediately, and pass a law saying that no country can ever partake in a war again. Rather stupid, obviously. What we're missing is, there are a million other options available to each of us as individuals. Pick one that interests you and you're able to do.....then do it. That's all. Simple. </em><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh_KuxaFbKs0iUYILfcQCsFuVqeiTEiP8ixDgtCSvPp4fL6ujQunx8CjiQz29nzrKvNk9mACS19Ayc4FGBRqfNPBlc9dRWkE0hVQQXrYtmygMTojnrlThq_h853rARLhxygvKM/s1600-h/bracelet.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh_KuxaFbKs0iUYILfcQCsFuVqeiTEiP8ixDgtCSvPp4fL6ujQunx8CjiQz29nzrKvNk9mACS19Ayc4FGBRqfNPBlc9dRWkE0hVQQXrYtmygMTojnrlThq_h853rARLhxygvKM/s320/bracelet.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181778567835050466" /></a><br /><br /><em>I wear this bracelet to remind me of this concept all the time, every day. Imagine that you are the "ball" at 2 minutes after noon, and your most bitter enemy (let's say the suicidal, murderous Taliban, for instance) are the ball at 2 minutes to noon. Well, as I see it, there are two ways of fusing those two into one (and I DON'T mean "same", I mean 'tolerant'. You can go to war, and attempt to jump the chasm between you, with 4000 soldiers (so far) dropping into the pit, 90,000 plus civilians going along with them, untold suffering and damage never to be restored, irreplaceable artifacts and manuscripts dating back centuries being lost in the process, or you can turn around and go the other way. (Perhaps that's what was meant biblically by "turning the other cheek..." Of course it won't happen this time, it may not even happen in Tibet, or any of the other 31 wars being fought today as you read this.</em><br /><br /><br />The following is a list (totalling 32) of some of the ongoing conflicts around the world: (list courtesy of Wikepedia)<br /><br /><strong>Start of Conflict War/Conflict Location Death Toll<br /> </strong><br /><br />1948 Internal conflict in Burma Burma over 7,000 <br />1964 Colombian Armed Conflict Colombia unknown <br />1967 Post-Six-Day War Israeli-Palestinian conflict (including al-Aqsa Intifada) West Bank, Gaza Strip and Israel unknown <br />1969 Communist and Islamic Insurgency in the Philippines (including OEF-P) Philippines est. 160,000 [1] <br />1975 Conflict in Laos involving the Hmong Laos 2,000 - 3,000 <br />1980 Internal conflict in Peru Peru ~70,000[citation needed] <br />1983 Sri Lankan civil war Sri Lanka ~70,000 [2] <br />1984 Turkey-PKK conflict Kurdistan and Turkey unknown <br />1984 Free Papua Movement Western New Guinea unknown <br />1987 Second Ugandan Civil War Uganda ~12,000[citation needed] <br />1988 Somali Civil War (including 2006 War in Somalia) Somalia 300,000 - 400,000 <br />1989 Kashmir conflict Kashmir unknown <br />1990 Casamance Conflict Senegal unknown <br />1992 Conflict in the Niger Delta (including Nigerian Oil Crisis) Nigeria unknown <br />1993 Ethnic conflict in Nagaland Nagaland, India unknown <br />1999 Second Chechen War North Caucasus, Russia 28,000 - 113,000[citation needed] <br />2001 War in Afghanistan Afghanistan 17,000 - 27,000[citation needed] <br />2002 Islamic insurgency in Algeria Algeria unknown <br />2003 Iraq War Iraq ~151,000 [3] <br />2003 Insurgency in Saudi Arabia Saudi Arabia 273 <br />2003 Darfur conflict Sudan 200,000 - 400,000 <br />2004 Balochistan conflict Balochistan, Pakistan unknown <br />2004 Waziristan War Waziristan, Pakistan 2,600 - 7,100[citation needed] <br />2004 South Thailand insurgency Pattani, Thailand ~2,500 <br />2004 Naxalite (Maoist) insurgency in India Certain parts of India unknown <br />2005 War in Chad Chad ~1,400[citation needed] <br />2006 Mexican Drug War Mexico ~2700[citation needed] <br />2006 Fatah-Hamas conflict Gaza Strip, West Bank 265[citation needed] <br />2007 Second Tuareg Rebellion North Niger and Mali 56[citation needed] <br />2007 2007 Ogaden conflict Ogaden, Ethiopia ~1,500 <br />2008 2008 unrest in Tibet TAR, Qinghai, Sichuan and Gansu, PRC ~10-100[citation needed] <br />2008 2008 invasion of Anjouan Comoros, Anjouan unknown <br /> <br /><em>Do we care about the others? <br /><br />As a matter of happenstance beyond my control, I happened to be born into a Christian home in a western democratic country. People the world over tend to become very attached to three major things, their family, their religion and their country. I am no longer a Christian. I simply can't square statements as simple as "Thou shalt not kill" or "God made man in his own image", or "Jesus loves you" when we certainly have no compunction to kill. God must have been a lonely, homeless, disease-ridden, selfish, bipolar, cancer-ridden, armless druggie, and Jesus must have been a fag. None of that matters, of course, because we all choose our own depth and point of view in matters of faith. I consider myself deeply spiritual, with a sacred, strange and compelling attraction to the Haida Indians of British Columbia. So much so, that I am most likely going to be getting the following as a tattoo on my arm very shortly. </em><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZj91yn3EewBC-GhYonRZiZq8lZlEk9pGCBS4f6iBEV-uZGYQTzFYf8_lYCGb7toCkKBLxiBVLkdwSNnsAh7-1VQbRWn8s3_ASiZK0b-KyjzBrQgOF6jRtjOCFyVLk6vndC1NH/s1600-h/Haida-tattoo.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZj91yn3EewBC-GhYonRZiZq8lZlEk9pGCBS4f6iBEV-uZGYQTzFYf8_lYCGb7toCkKBLxiBVLkdwSNnsAh7-1VQbRWn8s3_ASiZK0b-KyjzBrQgOF6jRtjOCFyVLk6vndC1NH/s320/Haida-tattoo.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181784507774820850" /></a><br /><br /><em>But I digress. I have also just begun to read a book called "Eastern Religions for Dummies". In reality, I am totally ignorant of their beliefs, so how can I have any understanding? Look, I'm certainly not trying to brag here, or shove this stuff in your face. I'm just saying that there ARE things that you, as an individual, can do, if you choose to do so. The consequence is whatever we leave behind us for our kids to clean up tomorrow. <br /><br />Just to emphasize, let me say once more.....for the time being, let the soldiers jump into the abyss on our behalf. In the meantime, turn around and do what you CAN do. Be imaginative. And here's the real true, workable all-inclusive secret to what I believe I'm saying. The bracelet I've shown you is only two-dimensional, implying that we all have to "be on the same page" to get anywhere. WRONG! We live in a multi-dimensional world. <br /><br />Imagine a tennis ball, and make a random mark on it with a felt marker. Now, make a second mark just a fraction of an inch from the first one. Now, count the number of paths there are to get <strong>FROM</strong> that dot to the other one, and don't forget the shortcuts by cutting through the middle of the ball too. Nobody says your line has to be a straight one. Most likely, along the way, you're apt to pass someone else, who, by being "in the same place", implies that they pretty much share your views. Can you learn anything from them, or them from you? Do you want to walk together for a little while at least? Just have the goal of getting there, and then figure out how you're going to do it. How much time and energy are you willing to put into the effort? If it turns out not to work, take the "path less-travelled". Take the fork in the road and see where it takes you. What's the harm in trying. The answer to that is simple. We get exactly what we ask for and are willing to accept. Tough love, but that's what it's truly all about. Pick the path that appeals to your tastes and talents. I suppose what I'm saying may come across as arrogant. I'm simply trying to use myself as an example of a couple of the untold billions of things that could be done to move us from 2 minutes past noon to three minutes past, assuming the folks between two and three minutes past more or less share our same views. As you move further away from the "2 minutes past" position, you obviuosly will run into deeper intransigence, less understanding, more aggression, and the suicidal Taliban. You'll also no doubt run into the three thousand kids who died of Malaria today in southern Africa because they didn't have netting over their cots when they slept last night</em>. <br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOAFFs8OL-fI7NuzcopOufudVJMQeUG1N6cLjx4KH0F4pCtFWuDU2dYbabSalPgAz_ku12LC69xC0VQjCLTtvq7cUIhkYC1K3pLj6vtKpR74eNLkd0J9yEvqDo0ktrjpondhby/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOAFFs8OL-fI7NuzcopOufudVJMQeUG1N6cLjx4KH0F4pCtFWuDU2dYbabSalPgAz_ku12LC69xC0VQjCLTtvq7cUIhkYC1K3pLj6vtKpR74eNLkd0J9yEvqDo0ktrjpondhby/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181772649370116562" /></a><br /><br /><strong>An interesting juxtaposition as the 4000th soldier was murdered this weekend in Iraq.</strong><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6eBcUsfzj0ODJkbNrfCDMGTvtolxoo17GlhLqtQf5Yn3im2O1uVL92BQ9Jwm-PzSFaRafKifYaWusztUrwK0YEiLwRdXMz7Hw39Ns4ZJBBgiru3XTAKSGiN3nr3GOvhtHp3fq/s1600-h/REUTBUNNY.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6eBcUsfzj0ODJkbNrfCDMGTvtolxoo17GlhLqtQf5Yn3im2O1uVL92BQ9Jwm-PzSFaRafKifYaWusztUrwK0YEiLwRdXMz7Hw39Ns4ZJBBgiru3XTAKSGiN3nr3GOvhtHp3fq/s320/REUTBUNNY.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181772267118027186" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidw56G4Fg9KiZI4VJOHjzC0B4OxhwS-8RP1Ne1pkjnxTkj0wfV712EUwUuxoUPSHgeaDj8I9_zqcozOlconEobUgQ2oGLGMUVnoU-JxGsQOnMIuN0gvnX1wBmfVJbJoZVK7ucB/s1600-h/COFFINSINPLANE.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidw56G4Fg9KiZI4VJOHjzC0B4OxhwS-8RP1Ne1pkjnxTkj0wfV712EUwUuxoUPSHgeaDj8I9_zqcozOlconEobUgQ2oGLGMUVnoU-JxGsQOnMIuN0gvnX1wBmfVJbJoZVK7ucB/s320/COFFINSINPLANE.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181771442484306322" /></a><br /><br />Kill For Peace<br /> <br /> <br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Near or middle or very far east<br />Far or near or very middle east<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />If you don't like the people<br />or the way that they talk<br />If you don't like their manners<br />or they way that they walk,<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />If you don't kill them<br />then the Chinese will<br />If you don't want America<br />to play second fiddle,<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />If you let them live<br />they might support the Russians<br />If you let them live<br />they might love the Russians<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />(spoken) Kill 'em, kill 'em, strafe those gook creeps!<br />The only gook an<br />American can trust<br />Is a gook that's got<br />his yellow head bust.<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, it'll<br />feel so good,<br />like my captain<br />said it should<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill it will give<br />you a mental ease<br />kill it will give<br />you a big release<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace<br />Kill, kill, kill for peace <br /> <br />-Lyrics courtesy of The Fugs<br />from the song "Kill For Peace<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFprZbriFRim61giCY2zB08p390dU9O13zW3v_fdOlXjk2daeztud4emOvnM99p6f5Zfqhn_gMVmjAl8Bh5uFX5O_HU7fLMco-ubX-NCawouiC_ev_aU6ca7EM5l0DFO4ch6Oe/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFprZbriFRim61giCY2zB08p390dU9O13zW3v_fdOlXjk2daeztud4emOvnM99p6f5Zfqhn_gMVmjAl8Bh5uFX5O_HU7fLMco-ubX-NCawouiC_ev_aU6ca7EM5l0DFO4ch6Oe/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181772507636195778" /></a><br /><br /><br />Peace Now<br /> <br /> <br /> Everybody is talkin' 'bout peace in the world<br />oh yeah<br />everybody is talkin' 'bout peace in the world<br />but ev'rytime I hear a hungry baby cry<br /><br />I ask peace now show me your face.<br /><br />Peace now<br />show me your face<br />Peace now<br />show me your face<br />Peace now<br />show me your face<br />Peace now<br />show me your face.<br /><br />Can't you hear me:<br />Peace now<br />show me your face<br />Peace now<br />show me your face<br />Peace now<br />show me your face<br />Peace now<br />show me your face.<br /><br />Everybody is talkin' 'bout freedom and life<br />oh yeah<br />Everybody is talkin' 'bout freedom and life<br />oh yeah<br />but ev'rytime I see the trouble 'round the world<br />I ask freedom show me your face.<br /><br />Freedom<br />show me your face...<br />Everybody is talkin' 'bout peace in the world<br />oh yeah<br />Everybody is talkin' 'bout peace in the world<br />oh yeah<br />but ev'rytime I see a young soldier die<br /><br />I ask peace now show me your face. <br /> <br /> <br />-Lyrics courtesy of Udo Jauuml;rgens<br />from the somg titled "Peace Now"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHc0NVEMg4KxxXjJejMyJ0mLwv8yZaNyyjrBOgAlTq_v_VlOTfxZr0U7lA0U66QqbG5RHwPd3pcYjAiN-qyuDmZL8HjLSas7KFg4yEMuOh0EVxCls6PcGwrsHT07YcJois4feI/s1600-h/PDcard2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHc0NVEMg4KxxXjJejMyJ0mLwv8yZaNyyjrBOgAlTq_v_VlOTfxZr0U7lA0U66QqbG5RHwPd3pcYjAiN-qyuDmZL8HjLSas7KFg4yEMuOh0EVxCls6PcGwrsHT07YcJois4feI/s320/PDcard2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181799145023365634" /></a><br /><br />PEACE, LOVE and pass it on......Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-12089709580026629002008-03-23T13:17:00.009-06:002008-03-23T14:38:33.240-06:00War And Peace: In Song And Poetry-Part 1"<em><strong>The journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step. So we must never neglect any work of peace within our reach, however small</strong></em>." - Adlai Stevenson<br /><br />"<em><strong>A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, & prejudice that have to be taught. And from the condition of the world we can see that unfortunately there are some very good teachers</strong></em>." - anon<br /><br />"<em><strong>I think that people want peace so much that one of these days government had better get out of their way and let them have it</strong></em>." - Dwight D. Eisenhower<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEituEhbTVXqBbBpkivSQYpWG3tX4U5n8WayyrYyYlHV0Nf8gAiH9voX7SNmm3-Uc49mYg_C6UYupZmANTiUfbjcPYW92XJuYj2GciNkQKi09_GNxAhZgOQ-m_GdoRZ_MYOrRx0G/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181020042250838370" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEituEhbTVXqBbBpkivSQYpWG3tX4U5n8WayyrYyYlHV0Nf8gAiH9voX7SNmm3-Uc49mYg_C6UYupZmANTiUfbjcPYW92XJuYj2GciNkQKi09_GNxAhZgOQ-m_GdoRZ_MYOrRx0G/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br />[<em>Anyone who has read my blog on a semi-consistent basis realizes that I am an unabashed and un-apologetic peacenik. Maybe I'm left over from the horrible images stuck in my mind from the Viet Nam disaster. Who can ever forget the picture of the little girl running down the road, naked, after just being napalmed, or William Calley's atrocities...the list is endless. Those who don't heed the past are doomed to repeat it. I wonder. Is that a self-fulfilling prophecy? Can the cycle be broken? There is a myriad of poetry and song lyrics that address both topics: 'peace' and 'war/hatred'. For the next set of blogs, I'm going to make my blog out of "borrowed" words. There are others who can deliver the message so much clearer than I. <br /><br />In the meantime, I also am unshakeably convinced that each and every one of us AS INDIVIDUALS can and MUST find ways to make a difference. A discussion over coffee at the kitchen table with your neighbour, a letter to your congressman or member of parliament, an interceptor in school-yard "fights", whatever. Don't say, "Yeah, I should, I know, but what can just one person do?" How about forming a Peace group, then you've instantly doubled your strength, or if you're not an organizer, joining one. Talk with a soldier or his family about why he joined the armed forces, or better still, invite him and his family over for dinner so you can have a true discussion....both ways. Who cares if you know him? Try and get informed about what motivates the apparent on-going necessity. Ask them if they couldn't fight just as hard for peace as they do for war. Anything....but something. If you have other ideas, add them on as comments to share with all the readers. I'm not egomaniacal enough to believe that I have all the answers, or even that some of my ideas will work. But what's wrong with at least trying?<br /><br />Write a blog about it, and ask your blog readers to ask all THEIR blog readers to drop by here with a comment....either view. We need to understand each other. It's not enough just to protest the other guy. Personally, I hope some of you, ideally all of you, direct others here or link to this entry in your blog. <br /><br />Personally, I have contacted the "War Resisters Support Campaign" which is a Canadian group helping out soldiers who go AWOL due to their conscience. They know the sentence could be death by court-martial, but is usually just a long prison term. They know it may break up their family, cause rifts with relatives, be unable to return to the land they love and belong to for the rest of their lives, or risk being arrested. But they come anyway. That, to me, is bravery in the face of danger. That, to me, is what soldiers are taught. <br /><br />We don't need to wait for George Bush to be out of office before anything can be done. WE don't need to wait until the three-year extension to Canada's commitment in Afghanistan that was voted on last week expires, sitting back with a sigh saying "Oh, well". Today's a good day to start. You may save a young lad's life because of it. Wouldn't that be worth it? It's already too late for the 4000 or so Americans killed and 30,000+ injured, or the 82 Canadians slaughtered. For what? That's what I need someone to explain to me. For what? I just don't get it. Do You</em>?]<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuaon_8XHwcsbdObZEgagSv976FYjHG9IdOH02Gg_00mF7KFJDnZHdFsjLdd7QWiqYKizuqNqv-dvQLpxfLwf6aMYstMGHCOllMBERxCx1WtcCsvaTIqTrj9DdhLF8-PwZcNcZ/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181019952056525138" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuaon_8XHwcsbdObZEgagSv976FYjHG9IdOH02Gg_00mF7KFJDnZHdFsjLdd7QWiqYKizuqNqv-dvQLpxfLwf6aMYstMGHCOllMBERxCx1WtcCsvaTIqTrj9DdhLF8-PwZcNcZ/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><center><br />"<strong>War Child</strong>"<br /><br />Who will save the war child baby? <br />Who controls the key? <br />The web we weave is thick and sordid, <br />Fine by me. <br /><br />At times of war we're all the losers, <br />There's no victory. <br />We shoot to kill and kill your lover, <br />Fine by me. <br /><br />War child, victim of political pride. <br />Plant the seed, territorial greed. <br />Mind the war child, <br />We should mind the war child. <br /><br />I spent last winter in New York, <br />And came upon a man. <br />He was sleeping on the streets and homeless, <br />He said, "I fought in Vietnam." <br /><br />Beneath his shirt he wore the mark, <br />He bore the mark with pride. <br />A two inch deep incision carved, <br />Into his side. <br /><br />War child, victim of political pride. <br />Plant the seed, territorial greed. <br />Mind the war child, <br />We should mind the war child. <br /><br />Who's the loser now? Who's the loser now? <br />We're all the losers now. We're all the losers now. <br /><br />War child.<br /><br />-<em>lyrics from "War Child"<br />courtesy of "The Cranberries</em>"<br /></center><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrYwYv6wlzShnyFobvCpYNYwz6htGtd4kV6P_e7URA990ZHXrKVDDEMtTMc5wAikRBl2lEQUZ7btqT0raByEcxLmts8YPzIMWayt0YEfZ5hnwB5hIeRfaU8j5KKfK_ultiRMbP/s1600-h/the_war_president_hires.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrYwYv6wlzShnyFobvCpYNYwz6htGtd4kV6P_e7URA990ZHXrKVDDEMtTMc5wAikRBl2lEQUZ7btqT0raByEcxLmts8YPzIMWayt0YEfZ5hnwB5hIeRfaU8j5KKfK_ultiRMbP/s320/the_war_president_hires.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181031024482214258" /></a><br /><br />[<em>Click on the image above to get the REAL message. They're never coming home. Their families are broken. Their kids will grow up without two parents. Check out the background. <strong><strong>THAT</strong></strong> is the cost of this war, all killed in action. It's not the estimated trillions of dollars (yup....<strong>trillions</strong>) it will cost the U.S. economy</em>. ]<br /><br /><center><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihNLZwGN9xJBh34vCOATbt8NyBYzGKOL3qJnwHMrmb3wN5aoqFiuaiS1bu7u7fclT4FaefHePzf1URW7lXSn94UsZ6RBK6DzGFZst0xj3k-pE6VMmP_ZUBpmcpO1iqEVPi8C68/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181019823207506242" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihNLZwGN9xJBh34vCOATbt8NyBYzGKOL3qJnwHMrmb3wN5aoqFiuaiS1bu7u7fclT4FaefHePzf1URW7lXSn94UsZ6RBK6DzGFZst0xj3k-pE6VMmP_ZUBpmcpO1iqEVPi8C68/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><strong>Deep Peace</strong><br /> <br />Deep peace of the running wave to you<br />Deep peace of the flowing air to you<br />Deep peace of the quiet earth to you<br />Deep peace deep peace<br />Deep peace of the sleeping stones to you<br />Deep peace of the wandering wind to you<br />Deep peace of the flock of stars to you<br />Deep peace deep peace<br />Deep peace of the eastern wind to you<br />Deep peace of the westeren wind to you<br />Deep peace of the northern wind to you<br />Blue wind of the south to you<br />Pure red of the whirling flame to you<br />Pure white of the silver moon to you<br />Pure green of the emerald grass to you<br />Deep peace deep peace <br /> <br />lyrics from "Deep Peace"<br />courtesy of "Donovan"<br /></center><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtkG02b-ZX0ta0YCh0fn_VtXouoF03MOMVZkiJN_55s0FnnETEL-Q-bqVsRnK4v5gn6CrOS1YvveGZwDF2Y1Kb83Gq0-bsV1yP_HKHvDIXfWvGVMbML4poDo_0jjEszqkKmW_-/s1600-h/untitled-peace.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtkG02b-ZX0ta0YCh0fn_VtXouoF03MOMVZkiJN_55s0FnnETEL-Q-bqVsRnK4v5gn6CrOS1YvveGZwDF2Y1Kb83Gq0-bsV1yP_HKHvDIXfWvGVMbML4poDo_0jjEszqkKmW_-/s320/untitled-peace.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181032562080506242" /></a><br /><br />[<em>Wouldn't it be cool if you could get the principal, or all the teachers, or some of the teachers, or a bunch of the kids together, and along with the A-B-C-D's and the 1-2-3's (click on pic above), they also investigated the idea of P-E-A-C-E? Political correctness be damned</em>.]<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguyQmFYJWblCHe30sf95PP-bvL6QWqh10bxB3tBjx6i-6qGUBm_N232LiCDfr7JEbJyt1S_wtf7liriroe17JL1Yo6286JhjKSMRXfmMQVlABY4HCccl-6GaYcmWki_vgwuv0x/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5181019698653454642" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguyQmFYJWblCHe30sf95PP-bvL6QWqh10bxB3tBjx6i-6qGUBm_N232LiCDfr7JEbJyt1S_wtf7liriroe17JL1Yo6286JhjKSMRXfmMQVlABY4HCccl-6GaYcmWki_vgwuv0x/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><em><strong>PEACE, LOVE and pass it on</strong></em>.....Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-7420724463370341842008-03-19T17:33:00.005-06:002008-03-19T18:53:56.313-06:00Unexpected Problems - Great City"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/conservation_is_humanity_caring_for_the_future/11602.html"><strong><em>Conservation is humanity caring for the future</em></strong></a>." - Nancy Newhall <div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/conservation_means_the_wise_use_of_the_earth_and/162378.html"><strong><em>Conservation means the wise use of the earth and its resources for the lasting good of men</em></strong></a>." - Gifford Pinchot<br /></div><div> </div><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/we-re-going-to-have-to-start-thinking-more/450683.html"><strong><em>We're going to have to start thinking more seriously about fuel efficiency, about conservation, ... You're not going to change our habits overnight, but we can look at some things to encourage people</em></strong></a>." - Bill Black</div></div><div> </div><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179600843322319106" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFI2YfoQqhUu9UEUOvPD6R5MtkyJAR45lSjTx8AGB4lacmv-jHmHUsZoEOe7hma27r5fHZ_cZBsUXzFHn5i8x2kkuSyRbZLi_X47NW9rIzhPyx4lO5LyuswgIoZzpqi2H7Oepl/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179601564876824850" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj34D398MOABKDetBgOMq3DalOIkd_PfYM4zsXwFNCqVnE7gkflIKGWXKqjSiMWbk6ZwoVwoJH6Nfd2xPGiHj-v95X7nxZYEQwegvAPsZCIY6wveC4A73W7dOgNKQWwlNZY_Hu/s320/you%2527ve%252Bbeen%252Bwarned.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />Hi, folks! I know, I know! It's been awhile. So slap me with a wet noodle or something. But today, whether you're "in my corner or not" on this one, I think it's important enough to put it in writing.<br /><br />Among the many other bizarre things that I am and believe, I am proud to be a conservationist and let everyone know it. Way back when, when I ran a Scout troop, if we were on a hike or camp, I'd always have the kids bring a small garbage bag and pick up any crap that some useless twit thought was okay to just dump. It just became a natural habit for the kids, and none of them complained. They understood what they were doing. Every spring, we'd help with the cleanup along our river banks and walking and biking trails within the city, miles and miles worth of them. I forget how many tons of garbage is collected from there each year. <br /><br />I've picked up a piece of paper and told a policeman who was writing a ticket to a motorist, then tore off the perforated edges of the ticket and proceeded to drop it on the street that I "thought he had dropped something, and should be more careful about littering." My front lawn is often the recipient of candy wrappers, or drink cups that kids on their way home from school discard wherever they happen to be when they're done. If I see them, I make it a point (in a nice and supportive and educational way...not as a prick who is angry with them) that it's their future world that they're cluttering up. Most tell me to fuck off, but every now and then, one will look embarrassed, say they're sorry, pick it up and be on their way. I have put a piece of thick foam into the fireplace opening, spray-painted black, so it doesn't really show, to keep warm air from being lost out the chimney. I keep my thermostat set at 62 degrees, and wear a sweater or light jacket during the daytime. Small, but significant things, especially when all added up. <br /><br />Two years ago, I had all the windows in my house replaced with triple glaze sealed units instead of the sliders that had been there, to decrease energy (heat) lost through them. I turn off lights when I'm not in a room that I'm using them. Last year, I had a high-efficiency furnace replace my old gas-guzzler. An expense to me, but in the long run, a savings source of energy. Last fall, in October, I had noticed a HUGE surge in my water bill from the norm, and thought I had a continually running toilet, so I turned the water off to the toilet, and called a plumbing outfit. I also wanted to update the faucets on my sinks, and get a couple drains power-augered out. When the guy came, he told me clearly and specifically that there was nothing wrong with the toilet and so wouldn't charge me anything for that, he replaced the faucets, and then informed me that I needed a new water tank (I had told them when I phoned that I didn't seem to have much hot water, and it usually started getting cool simply during the time it took to take a fairly quick shower). It was the original tank (approx. 25 years old), so I wasn't surprised. Due to the cost, and my limited budget, I was only able to get one of the three drains I wanted augered cleaned out, because I wasn't expecting the cost of the water tank. I got their most energy-efficient model, which cost a few extra sheckles.<br /><br />But I'm an unabashed conservationist. I unshakably believe that one person <strong>CAN</strong>, and not only can, but <strong>MUST</strong> make a difference.<br /><br />Today, I received a disturbing (but certainly welcome!) call from the utility department of our fair city. The kind lady told me that my water bill was way out of whack, and I probably have a leak somewhere. In truth, after the plumber left, I thought I still heard the same "running" noise from the toilet I had called about, but after all, who am I to argue with a guy who makes a career of this stuff, right?<br /><br />WRONG!!<br /><br />My normal utility bill runs around $180 a month give or take depending on the weather and so on, which covers electricity, delivery of electricity, water consumption, drainage surcharge, sewer, and waste disposal (in other words, the services that the city provides me with). The bill I'll be getting this month is $776.03.<br /><br />That's why she called. She didn't have to, I suppose, and so I thought it was rather decent. I told her my story about the running toilet, calling the plumber, being assured there was no problem and turning the water back on. While she waited on the phone, she had me go down and check my meter and give her the reading (they only do an actual reading every second month by sending a meter-reader out, and estimate the alternate months). It was, of course, way out of whack. Again, waiting for me on the phone, she asked me to go and look once more and see if anything was "moving" on the meter. Well, at the centre of it, there was a dial that was virtually spinning out of control. She verified that that meant I had a leak somewhere, and water was constantly coming through the meter.<br /><br />Still waiting on the phone for me, she asked me to go and turn off the water to the toilet in question, and then check the meter again. Now, she didn't have to do that, but she did. I did what she asked, and saw immediately that the dial had stopped spinning. She confirmed that that would be the source of the leak, and I should get the plumbing company over right away to "fix it". She didn't have to do that for me. But she did.<br /><br />My conundrum is, do I call this same ---apparently incompetent---- company to fix the problem? Do I insist they pay my bill, or the "overage" part of it since their visit (last November)? Do I threaten/take them to small claims court? Do I just be nice and acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and that was one they made on that day? Do I realize that we live in a "who-gives-a-damn" world, and just let it go, with one less toilet operating in my house (leaving me with two), and making it the problem of whoever might eventually buy the place? Do I start throwing candy-wrappers on people's lawns just so that I finally feel like I'm "fitting in"?<br /><br />She was very nice. Not everyone is a scoundrel. As those of you who have been reading my blog for the past year or so know, financially it was not my best year. Although I had some delightfully fulfilling successes, which far outweigh these grumblings that I'm giving you here (and wouldn't trade them for a second), overall, I lost out on dollars and cents. Not a big deal, because that is not the measurement I use for success of any kind. First, I got ripped off by Shane, and should have known better. Then by the crew that painted my house (he raised the price $2000 after the job was done, and asked for payment in cash. I had the impression that he was a University trying to raise tuition for his education, and so I paid it, even though I was very uncomfortable with the "cash" part of the deal. Turned out after the fact that he was a coke-head being investigated by the police----yeah, I was stupid and naive----and wrong). Then I got ripped off by the two kids I thought I could help, and they laughed in my face after having effectively stolen a couple thousand dollars from me. Yeah, I was stupid, naive and trying to make whatever difference I could with the limited resources I have, taking into consideration the medical conditions I'm now facing. And now this.<br /><br />Pension money doesn't stretch very far, I'm coming to realize. But she was nice. She has arranged to spread the bill over the next three months payments, to ease the burden a bit. She didn't have to do that, but she did. She wanted to help. She was nice.<br /><br />I still believe the world is far more full of "her's" rather than of "them's".<br /><br />Call me naive. Call me an anachronism from the innocent times that I grew up in. I don't care much what you call me. Because, you see, I sleep with a clear conscience. I wonder if they do?<br /><br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5179601912769175842" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidr9muH62LBVTKN1Is6UBqxeYP6VbPJTdwnGGPs_F1mqdCruoFG6qVYxiqnEF76UctWbaqBA0pijLER2xnRAvQvzZmQ0Oe2qKv3KWnT4rweG8v0SlSr6hE_ZtXsi89ElQsVt3V/s320/l_6041d48a937e6e7ca8b4ee01deceae2c.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div>PEACE</div>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-68233748979011673412008-03-02T21:07:00.004-07:002008-03-02T21:28:37.294-07:00Truly, Truly Bizarre<div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/of_course_life_is_bizarre-the_more_bizarre_it/13127.html"><strong><em>Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show</em></strong></a>." - anon</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i-was-enchanted-by-the-escape-into-that/389888.html"><strong><em>I was enchanted by the escape into that meticulous world that seemed real yet not... well, it seemed not real, but very detailed and meticulous, bizarre</em></strong>.</a>” - Richard Foreman</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/the-freakish-is-no-longer-a-private-zone/398059.html"><strong><em>The freakish is no longer a private zone, difficult of access. People who are bizarre, in sexual disgrace, emotionally violent are seen daily on the newsstands, on TV, in the subways</em></strong>.</a>” - Susan Sontag</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5173364060653621042" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirnrdZRscv9zTMSLOwGmneUXPI-3MpI55dE2EnMa-8YpqgptWqH-OZaC2OO8f9EtjHH3dm1WqW1vA2acL9XoRJxlgmv6pvreKyCkm-_0__qaTK-5s0dQCXcSB_YJ_78VLiiC0L/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></div></div><br /><p>......and I guess you could add onto that last quote, "and on the net".!!</p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5173367363483471682" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOEvcj0ni2nJcXuTBcrpIqYWGZdjd4o0JX1hXjcdcUsiv8ou-UUbYx70QcMR7tAs54yAlEmpSTgak4OYkPsWgMlLvYAKn4rItvC-ymNe8WV2IE6YM9mcVVdKBnvSM00M7BvRj1/s320/bizarre-remote-controlled-rechargeable-housefly.jpg" border="0" /><br /><p>A really short entry this time (well....sort of. That's up to you!)</p><br /><p>I'll be changing my blog access to block anonymous commenters. If you have an hour or so, check out the comment that was added to one of my earlier blogs this evening. And here, I thought I was the cuckoo one!!</p><br /><p>Here's the link:</p><br /><p><a href="http://http//evydense.blogspot.com/2008/02/i-liedi-have-crumbledi-hurt.html">ILied....I Have Crumbled.....I Hurt</a>. </p><br /><p>Skip over the blog, but you gotta at least skim through the comment. All I can say is <strong><em>BIZARRE</em></strong>!!!</p><br /><p></p><br /><p>PEACE </p>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-57659776499314647382008-03-01T14:17:00.006-07:002008-03-01T14:59:46.568-07:00In Response"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/wisdom_ceases_to_be_wisdom_when_it_becomes_too/13955.html"><strong><em>Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself</em></strong>.</a>” - Kahlil Gibran<br /><div><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/let_a_man_once_overcome_his_selfish_terror_at_his/183506.html"><strong><em>Let a man once overcome his selfish terror at his own finitude, and his finitude is, in one sense, overcome</em></strong></a>” - George Santayana</div><div><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/courtesies_of_a_small_and_trivial_character_are/188217.html"><strong><em>Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart</em></strong></a>” - Henry Clay</div><div><br /><br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172887761665396482" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3e20Ot4A3UonQljRnCJ4xSQmx4ihHudH-ghGql3E9R-R1EF5iNXOgRpT6E6Iv-260QivvE8DwSWSW0i7R43WdT03chBMXR00MuoKagA7q3jQFgWR92k1wUUVPcQPOMMSdJyQ0/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><div></div><br />[<em>A tad of an unusual blog this time around. It's been awhile since I've been active here. There is so much said and to be said about, and in reaction to, my last few blogs. They reflected some of my thoughts as I went through a terribly dark period of my life, reaching towards the ultimate act of suicide. That's a scary word to most, I understand that. But words are just words. I despise the way we have come to "politically correct" ourselves when we want to have an honest and open communication. I despise that we substitute phrases like "friendly fire" to mean "murder of one of your own team". I despise that we use phrases like "collateral damage" to me "Oops, we murdered innocents as a side effect of murdering who we were really after. Too bad. So sad." And so, I'm not afraid of words. And bluntness. It's not cruel. It's honest. I almost killed myself. The word for that is "suicide". That's what I almost did. I stopped before I got there, though. There were many things, now that I think back in a sane and safe way, over the past few weeks and months. A lot of small, insignificant things. Some bizarre and off-the-wall cuckoo things. Some deep and wondering things. And your friendship and worry. I can never find the words, as politically-incorrect as I might be in doing so, to express to you the influence that had and is and always will have on my life, the direction it took, and the direction it will take from here. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>So why did I say this would be an unusual blog? Well, as a comment to my last blog entry, Matty left a very lengthy and thoughtful comment, and I have just finished composing a reply comment to it. I have realized that, as I was writing that reply, I was really writing this blog entry. It isn't for Matty. It's for all of you. It's been quite awhile since I've written here, and I thought maybe some of you whom I would very much like to read this wouldn't see it if I left it buried as a comment. </em><br /><em></em><br /><em>And so, the rest of this blog will consist of her comment and my response. Please understand, it is intended for <strong>YOU</strong></em>. <em>No offence, Matty! I trust you'll understand</em>!]<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172888002183565074" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjViVUgLgGMAY9BIKj-3ia-KZRX2z1ij_GNyng5UAiDKnE6GqhRh3rngtYK7Dd4qIvbcYHSylnt9vVpRpeNP_6sZ_IuvG8wcJDdsTiXFkYS-POAGadxySPqlFnp7kITT1ZoBq7m/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" />[<em>Matty's comment.....</em>]</p><p><br />Rick...I am so thrilled that you are here in body as well as in spirit. Enough said.</p><p>Seems to me after reading your latest post....that your writing is calmer...the words flow.....I 'read' acceptance...and wonder! I 'read' life and being and growing spiritually. There is a definite positive change in your writing. </p><p>I love Gary Zukov and I have read 'The Seat of the Soul' and saw an interview of him on Oprah a year ago.</p><p>Today I don't feel pain in your post and between the lines....I read a new beginning...a better understanding....can I even say a calmer...more peaceful Rick?Don't tell me its the new meds? just kidding..</p><p>That is why I'm so excited about Eckhart Tolle's latest book...'A New Earth'......every page I read...I'm nodding my head...the lightbulb is on...I feel peace stealing over me.....and I believe that every few years we get a prophet or Messiah...a teller of truth...who brings us a message. </p><p>I would send you this book Rick...this instant...but I signed up at Oprah's website...oprah.com and registered for the 10 week seminar...and I look forward to it. If you haven't bought the book yet....do it.....so far 360,000 people have registered for the seminar on-line free....and it hasn't started yet. I believe its because so many of us are searching for 'our truth' and our reason for being. After the 10-week seminar I'll be happy to send you the book...although it will be 'high-lighted' on every page.I hope you can join me if you can...this will be the biggest classroom on earth.....an awakening to our life's purpose. If you want to explore your spirit Rick....this would be a great way of doing it. (We can do it together and compare notes.) There will be homework and study...etc..</p><p>I am so thrilled you had this deep, caring discussion with your brother. I don't believe in coincidences...everything happens for a reason.</p><p>Rick you need not apologize for anything you said or implied....we all do what we have to for survival of our body or spirit...but I believe now that it is a part of growing and evolving......that is why I can't wait to take this seminar and 'awake to my life's purpose' and grow spiritually, go wherever it takes me.</p><p>I sense..Rick that you are a very spiritual being...in none of your past posts do I find any materialistic wants....just a universal hunger of the spirit.....to be acknowledged...loved...and accepted. Don't we all?</p><p>I'll be back Rick...hang in there. Like you.....I've had more than my share of burdens....but I have an indomitable spirit that won't let me give up or give in....my spirit is trying to tell me something...and its my job to listen and learn.I'm curious to know a lot more about Eckhart Tolle....so far... from what I read he came very close to suicide himself...and yet he is a spiritual teacher taking his message throughout the world. I truly believe I was meant to read this book at this special time in my life...and I'm up for the challenge.</p><p>And Rick...you don't get through life without stumbling, falling or screwing up....that's a part of life...how we learn and grow. Not only have I stumbled plenty...I really wiped out a few times.</p><p>Talk to you soon...and that wasn't stuffy at all...that was straight off the cuff....honest and thought-provoking.</p><p>Thanks and peace to you...my friend.</p><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5172888109557747490" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2MtyTBeFh2Y-f7BRcVbVb2ZMA3Oqzz5TxOSPHj2DVF0gn6_w9ngiujnDLt0VBI47HYNbYXv8h-igEyqZLzaIrbAMl-ouxd6CUopMdCVIziH_jQA2kRyTWtMdCttRGFBzahTwR/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><p>[.....<em>and my response</em>.]</p><p>Wow! Matty!</p><p>I don't really know how to respond to this. I appreciate that you read a "patient and more calmer Rick" and don't read the pain between the lines. </p><p>Perhaps it has lessened, I don't really know. I do know two things though:</p><p>1) It's still there to some degree, and</p><p>2) there are a lot of beautiful people in the world. (And of course, I mean "soulfully" beautiful). </p><p>The supposrtive comments and e-mails that I've received from folks truly have helped me through a very dark and scary period of my life. I am always aware that it may happen again, I don't know what triggers it. I obviously suspect it is in someway related to being bipolar, but I don't want to use that as an excuse. But I do thank you, and all the others who have lent support to me. Don't any of you, please, for an instant think your words or your concern were wasted, even if I didn't respond directly to them.</p><p>I am aware that what I have been writing lately has been disturbing and upsetting to some of you folks. I don't do that intentionally, believe me. Well, come to think of it, yeah, maybe I do. I suspect I do it as a kind of therapy. By letting it all go in a public forum this way purges me. The price, unfortunately, is that it upsets and worries some very close and dear "internet friends" that I've made over the past few years. All I can say to that is, "Share your joys, and they're doubled. Share your pain, and it's halved.". </p><p>Thank you, to all my friends and strangers alike, for helping to share this current pain with me. It is a treasured gift, and is immensely valued, and always shall be remembered. </p><p>I know there has been a "selfish" element that has woven its way through all of this, thinking of myself instead of the worry it might cause you and the others. But realizing and hearing about the "worry" has helped me understand that it's not selfish at all to ask for help, and to do it sooner than I have had a tendency to do. "Fight your own battles, no one else cares" mentality has been pervasive throughout my life. </p><p>An affirmation here, now. I have a "right" to be selfish, in the sense that I have the right to be who I am. That was a significant part of the discussion I had with my brother. On any non-trivial decision or direction I've considered in my past, it has, unspoken, but strongly and mentally, begun with the deterministic caveat "What would the family think if....". I won't say now that I no longer care, but I can certainly say now that it won't be the deciding, overwhelming factor. I will be that factor. That decision-maker. Of course, I don't want any of them to worry or fret because of me...the same thing I wish for all of you, but I think I have finally got it through my thick skull that sometimes that is the price to be paid. And others can "handle". </p><p>I suspect, having reflected a great deal the last while obviously, that I have projected my own perspective and identity far too much onto others. Up until now, I think the word 'martyr' might easily be applied to me. In other words, sacrifice your own wants, needs, desires if they are in conflict with anyone else's. Always default to the other guy's wishes. Well, while that will still be a consideration, from now on I think it will be more of a "mental negotiation" with myself, rather than a clear dictate. </p><p>I prefer that much more over the word "selfish". Selfish denies others completely. "Mental negotiation" doesn't.</p><p>I just wish I could find the words to express how liberating a feeling that is for me. Will it last? Time and future will tell. It lasts today, and for today, that's all that matters. </p><p>So, thanks again to all of you, and if I may, particularly the "special ones". You know who you are! </p><p>I don't know if this makes sense to you or anyone else. I hope so. The irony is that what has always been true in my life in the past has simply been reinforced by this most recent experience of mine. "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger". </p><p>I feel stronger today. Much stronger. </p><p>And perhaps that is where the "spill-over" to paying more attention to the Rick-spirit that you address has entered more of my conscious thought and wonderment of late. </p><p>With love and peace, spread it around</p><p>Rick</p><p> </p>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-40293633847056194402008-02-22T17:41:00.004-07:002008-02-22T19:50:30.512-07:00The Human Body Is A Strange Place To Live!<div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/men_occasionally_stumble_over_the_truth-but_most/8477.html"><strong><em>Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened</em></strong>.</a>” - Sir Winston Churchill</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/men_stumble_over_pebbles-never_over/182000.html"><strong><em>Men stumble over pebbles, never over mountains</em></strong></a>” Marilyn French</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/if_you-ve_lost_focus-just_sit_down_and_be_still/202010.html"><strong><em>If you've lost focus, just sit down and be still. Take the idea and rock it to and fro. Keep some of it and throw some away, and it will renew itself. You need do no more</em></strong>.</a>” - Clarissa Pinkola Estes</div><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div></div><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5169970936884457682" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicakgibVWzQtAKPsX0ge5LWCfWXuQciu3bFCcFYVh4MUwd7aVphPKvxUPIN1CFPmEtzIjFi7NvzYA39Zep648vnyDAfJlrVOYjfhv0FJ7kKOy_88B2UToo-72Mo52CX70mQKmC/s320/leaf_line.png" border="0" /></p><br /><p>[Note: <em>I suspect that anyone reading this blog will certainly find that it is written in a "style" that is not conversational, at least, certainly not the same style I usually write in. I also suspect (....at least, I <strong>hope</strong>!) that by the time you reach the end of it, you'll understand why</em>!!</p><br /><p><em>If you have not read my blog entry immediately previous to this one concerning suicide, I would strongly recommend it, if for nothing else but perspective</em>]</p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5170002418994737378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi47nPo57FFxq_DnUVe2rktUqbW_ZgMbdsquvvTayA4fIrdYyNsMFdzHQh5W-6HuQgTceoP1Uv9vDROjyLkDuQYWIU2GHl3QHgDiWRaG-HYXJIpXC1sbrXOEymFGi6wIleyFHlk/s320/leaf_line.png" border="0" /><br /><p></p><br /><p>I think "death", as most of us conceive it on a day-to-day basis, is a frighteningly unknown concept. Most certainly, it is permanent to a human body, and it "takes away" from those who continue to live human lives. I am trying to learn that it has a completely different role. Here's where it's hard to choose words that don't offend, because our language doesn't contain the proper words, so we can only use what comes "close". In my mind, we associate death ONLY with the finality of the physical aspect of who we are, which is a very eliminating definition. We are all so much more than that. </p><br /><div></div><br /><div>Truth. Our bodies shall all cease to exist. Period. Some as diseased babies at birth, some as old and wizened, needing other bodies to care for its functions to be taken care of. But that is just day-to-day life. That's not "faith-life" or, as I choose to refer to it "spirit-life." It is the part of who I am that holds goodness and evil, wisdom, and humour, hatred and love, understanding and empathy. It is the seat of emotion. It is the harbour of morality. And we all possess some of it, in some combination. It cannot be denied. It is the purpose for the human body that you possess to exist.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I stumbled last week, because it was not my "spirit-life" that was about to end my physical existence. Here's where it gets to sound "mentally-ill" to those who won't or don't at least allow for an alternative view of our existence. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my cat's spirit, through mine, let me know I was wrong. It was quite simply the wrong thing at the wrong time. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I don't feel angry. I don't feel scared. I don't really feel anything except a strengthening of my belief in a more positive force that can always pull me, or obviously anyone for that matter, forward. We talk of pain as if it's something to be avoided at all costs. But without experiencing various forms, types and depths of pain how can we learn about them or counter them, or even make them a part of us? How can we "move" from our five-sensoried body into our "guiding spirit", the part of us that will continue on long after our bodies are dust in the wind. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Sure, it sounds like I've been unduly burdened with more than my "share" of pain and hardship. I probably have even from time to time exaggerated them a bit, or they have perhaps been read out of the context I intended. When I talk about all my troubles, the talk is coming from my body, not my spirit. My spirit is strong enough to handle it, or it wouldn't be tested this way. At some point, my particular spirit will be through with all it needs from my body, and will let it go in some manner. It doesn't mean my character, my influence, my being, my mark , my contributions have suddenly been erased, forever to be forgotten. It simply means my body stopped functioning. Just like we junk old cars when they no longer serve their purpose. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>My error was that I forgot that I had a higher wisdom, a higher spirit to guide me. A lot of people refer to that as "god". I don't. I see them as quite different conceptual things. The one thing these two concepts share, however, in my mind, are that they are more powerful than I (the physical Rick) shall ever be, but shall ever strive to be nonetheless. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I have an overwhelming burning desire to explore the outer reaches of this spirit, both the "white" side AND it's "black" side, because I believe that experience of exploration will give me a more solid base for my pillars of character that I have spoken of in recent blogs: Honesty, Integrity, Morality and Trust. If I am to explore the aspects that strengthen these pillars, however, I must also explore their weaknesses. An engineer doesn't always send the divers down to study the strengths in a bridge's foundations; often it is to find where they need shoring up, where thay might have a tendency to collapse if not attended to. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>That was the mistake I was making these past few weeks. Whether it was conscious or not I'm not certain ....I can even easily give credibility to the possibility that the strength to explore in my case comes from this fairly unique brain configuration I've been blessed with.....not only being bipolar, but having Menieres coupled with that. I am who I am. Of that, there is no doubt. In our "day-to-day" existence, we tend to default and restrict not only our personal existence but the existence of others, both friends, strangers and lovers to the mundane existence of the human body reality. There is so much more to life. Even after death. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I stumbled. Of that, I'm certain. As a result, I probably put too many words here on my blog, forgetting that other real people were reading them and caring about what they said. It touches me at a very emotional level that that is the case. Strange as this may sound, though, I neither can nor will apologize for any discomfort or negative emotion my words may have brought forth in some of you, no matter what the depth. I shall try to explain why that is not a cold-hearted statement. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I examine the third quote at the start of my blog, and don't think it the least bit ironic that some years back, when I had my first manic episode, I wrote literally hundreds of pages developing a theory of existence I chose to call 'is'. Some of it made it into my very very early blogs, if your were to check back in the archives. And most comments, as I recall, were of the nature "I don't have a clue what you're talking about, but it sounds interesting" kind of reaction. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>At the time, I remember being so completely frustrated, because our language (English) simply doesn't have the words or sentence structures that I could use to convey to others some ideas that were profoundly deep and revealing....and obvious.... to me. I understand that. I understand why others weren't able or interested to "work it out". It was the story of the Tower of Babel. And because I was babbling this "gibberish", I was, by the five-sensory model of the human, deemed by the medical community (the ones who have been identified as "experts in their field") to be "sick in the head" and a regimen of drugs started getting pumped into my body system to bring me back to "normal" again. That has gone on for several years now. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>In the interim, I have read a book called the "Chaos Theory" and been profoundly affected by thoughts of mine that arose from my 'is' thinking and the combination of the ideas expressed as a part of Chaos Theory. Even more profoundly, however, and this is an example of what I consider to be Karma, when I was taking myself to the hospital this week, suffering from a deep depression, I gathered about 15 books to take with me, strange as that might sound! It is not coincidence that I ended up in the same hospital, in the same ward, in the same room and in the same bed as I was in when I first starting having my thoughts that extended beyonded the human body. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>It is also not coincidence, that, of the 15 books I had taken with me, the one I selected to read was called "The Seat Of The Soul" by Gary Zukov. Please excuse the expression, but I felt like I was having mental orgasms with every page I turned. Combining all this input and all these ideas in a way that no one has ever done before, and out of that thinking growing new ones, thus being able to create a more solid model of who we are, what existence means, how the soul relates to spirit, why we occupy different stations in life...the list is endless simply gave me tingles. One of the primary concepts in the model that I had developed as "my own" involved always to be seeking to close every circle to obtain neutrality, and therefore perfect balance. And here I was, in this bed, some years later, simply one physical example of the infinite model.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I am totally prepared to accept the idea that I was supposed to act as I did when I did so that I would end up in that bed that day with that book. It has given me energy and ideas that I am excited to try and capture, in a different way this time. Perhaps I'll move further towards understanding myself, perhaps I'll be certified as an irreconcilable looney-tunes and find out what the inside of a rubber room looks like. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>The other thing far, far more significant thing that it achieved for me, of a very personal nature is that for the first time in the 59 years of my human life, I was able to not have, but to <em>comfortably</em> have a deep, revealing, touching, loving and caring discussion with my oldest brother. That is something that I would not even have considered a possibility, prior to this event. It was as natural as eating apple pie with ice cream. You may be unable to project the importance of that "freedom" I now feel; All I can tell you is that it is bountifully liberating to me. I gained a brother this week, who up until now had simply been a child born of the same parents as I. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>All I'll point out is that the "expert" doctor that I've been seeing for four and a half years is on holidays for a few months, so I was assigned to another doctor, one who is considered very highly in the pharmacological field. He has completely changed the combination of drugs I've been taking, and, taking into account the placebo effect, I feel almost "instantly" "better" whatever that means. As an example, my previous doctor had me taking 5 dexedrine tablets a day....which is a quantity exceeding the maximum daily recommended dose in the States. This doctor eliminated them completely....overnight. I asked him this morning how long it should be before I started feeling the effects of that, and he said "Aren't you feeling them yet?". And who is he? Simply another man who chose "medicine" as his field of study, and therefore became known as another man identified as an "expert" in the world of the five-sensorial body. Can they both be "right".? Is one incompetent? Is there simply more than a single answer to a given problem? Doctors, medicine, science itself limits itself to "The Scientific Method". As long as we demand that nothing is worthy of consideration unless it meets the requirements of that model, then ideas that are generating in my head at this moment will always be dismissed as the babblings of a sick mind. They don't "fit" the Scientific Model.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>That is a tragedy. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>And so, yes, I stumbled. I brought ugliness and cheap accusations into my blog, and played one person against another. I had retreated into being a sick human being, instead of being who I, and each of you, can't help but be......a spirit-person. But in balance with that ugliness, there was an abundance of positive growth. To me, that is enough. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I am aware that this blog sounds a bit "stuffy". I just ask you to "read through and past" the stuffiness, and read the message in your own way, put it into your own life experiences. Give it a chance for credibility. Just a crack of a chance is enough. I'm hoping you'll discover something....a thought, an idea, a perspective, a forgiveness.....something....anything......that you didn't have before. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>That will be one of the things that will have made writing this blog worthwhile from my perspective. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>PEACE to you, and pass it on</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Rick </div>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-64141469323860744162008-02-18T00:07:00.002-07:002008-02-18T01:28:51.295-07:00Suicide...gutless, a plea for help, or reality speaking?<div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/every_man_has_the_right_to_risk_his_own_life_in/210302.html"><strong><em>Every man has the right to risk his own life in order to preserve it. Has it ever been said that a man who throws himself out the window to escape from a fire is guilty of suicide</em></strong>?</a>” - Jean-Jacques Rousseau</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/success_and_failure_are_both_difficult_to_endure/211573.html"><strong><em>Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure</em></strong>.</a>” - Joseph Heller</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/they_tell_us_that_suicide_is_the_greatest_piece/220937.html"><strong><em>They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person</em></strong>.</a>” - Arthur Shopenhauer</div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5168232591821074626" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlTYdx6kyKVUKE52edbkekpLzTMvjEWJL9y7mrVrvYrWox-F6TYKgJIGOP_NAnRnHmlAnnxMFVVvkmPc6SFJQuleBSrfxx7qUg4a2eLLtFCu-pPscMDf1yfZNTJ31F7EKeHWPy/s320/leaf_line.png" border="0" /><br /><div></div><div></div><div>On Friday, I tried to, and almost killed myself intentionally. I had gotten all my medications out, and was about ready to start swallowing,hoping it would be painless and quick. I was just finishing some brief notes to the very few people left in my life, when my cat came into the kitchen and started behaving in the most unusual way I have ever witnessed. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I knew she was giving me a message. I believe there have to be karmic connections out there somewhere. So, I phoned emergency instead of swallowing any pills, got a cab, and after spending the day at the hospital, the three psychiatrists on duty decided it would be safe for me to return home for the weekend. I'll be making an emergency appointment with my own doctor when he returns on Tuesday, and am pretty certain he'll be admitting me for a lengthier stay, for observation and rest if nothing else. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I'm just so weary of it all. I know we each have our own burdens to bear, and obviouly yours are just as important to you as mine are to me. I know I've done some good things with my life. I've done things I deeply regret, but can never undo. I know some of the people who will read this blog are recipients of some of what I've done. I also know others are a part of the cause that have lead me to the brink I'm at now. And I know there are things that I've accomplished, good and bad, that no one will ever know about. We all play our parts. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I know I'm sick in many ways, and my physical systems are shutting down on me. I believe....whether true or not is totally irreleant when it involves a matter of belief.... I have a spirit-presence that will out-survive this temporary "body-vessel" we refer to as "human being". I told someone whom I'm very close to in an e-mail just a week ago that I'm not at all afraid of being dead, I'm just scared of the <strong><em>process</em></strong> of dying. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Gutless, selfish, weary, mentally ill, pick any reason or purpose you care to that works for you. The bottom line is that, no matter what the reason, or what anyone else thinks or feels, I'm tired of the struggle. I want to blow the final whistle and head for the locker room,.....win, lose or tie. It doesn't really matter. The game is over, at least mine is.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>As an individual, I'm not the least bit important. As a piece of the universe, I'm indispensable and I shall always remain so. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I'll never understand how a person can live without a conscience. I believe they need more help than I or anyone else. I don't know how all this will turn out for me. Probably the same as always. I'll somehow get through this crisis with yet another chunk of srength and self-image gone, chopped off, peeled away, exposed. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I don't feel like "talking" about it. But I felt the few of you who have taught me so much over the past two years deserve some final thoughts. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I have lived a good life. </div><br /><div>I have always given the benefit of doubt. </div><br /><div>I have always trusted until given a reason not to, and even then have gone on trusting because it's the right thing to do. </div><br /><div>I have been a naive simpelton.</div><br /><div>I have been taken advantage of, and not cared about it.</div><br /><div>On balance, I have contributed far more than I have ever taken, and I don't mean in a materialistic way.</div><br /><div>I have left a posiitive footprint that will last forever. </div><br /><div>I have placed expectations on myself that have been far too high to ever achieve. </div><br /><div>I have always been ashamed of who I am and who I turned out to be.</div><br /><div>The biggest hole in my life has been the lack of ever have had a partner or soulmate to share my earth-life with..</div><br /><div>I have been a simple, trusting, caring gentleman. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>It's the last characteristic that finally became my downfall. </div><br /><div>The bad guys have won. </div><br /><div>That's a tragedy.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Love to you all.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Rick</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>PEACE and FORGIVENESS. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>May you find what you're looking for. I've come to understand that my simple, personal tragedy is that I didn't. I have come to terms with my mortality. I hope, if I am to be remembered at all that, after the initial tears that our culture always dictates be produced, that I will be remembered joyously, and not with grief or sadness. Because underneath all the pain I feel, and can no longer find a way to cope with, I like who I am. I can only hope you do too. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I am at peace.</div>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-77830683448767441572008-02-08T09:53:00.000-07:002008-02-08T10:24:37.479-07:00Guilt, Embarrassment, Shame"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/live_by_what_you_believe_so_fully_that_your_life/13901.html"><strong><em>Live by what you believe so fully that your life blossoms, or else purge the fear-and-guilt producing beliefs from your life. When people believe one thing and do something else, they are inviting misery. If you give yourself the name, play the game</em></strong>.</a>” - anon<br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><strong><em>“</em></strong><a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/almost-everything-all-external-expectations-all/406622.html"><strong><em>.. almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart</em></strong>.</a>” - Steve Jobs</div><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/those_who_will_not_heed_themselves_perish-to/344644.html"><strong><em>Those who will not heed themselves perish. To understand this principle is not to be impatient, not to reproach fate, not to blame others. He who understands the doctrine of self-help blames himself for failure</em></strong>.</a>” - Mohandas Gandhi</div><div></div><br /><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5164656153535866658" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXpelIcIoYWavBFne1g22zBRjayt7MAgcXpk51Y4A9ZCPCS6APCRvv90oVdoDj0_GGtRPgTPH8-EzZiJpGnIgz6Vs9gFo11Pgy0qw3JXI-NpBsHPR2_KkMaoc31wUB9WH5z8nY/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></div><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><p>This will be short. I know now that I am just now starting to work my way out of one of the largest "mental storms" I've faced so far. I'm slowly making the climb "up" again. Recently, I have said too much here in my blog, I suppose inwardly seeking some supportive comment and reaction, but in doing so I hurt too many people. </p>My brain does not function "normally" anymore; it goes off on its own tangent sometimes. I know that! While I try my best at doing the biofeedback thing, I'm guessing that this particular over-the-top period for me was simply due to the fact that I was unable to handle so many things that seemed <strong><em>to me</em></strong> to be happening to me all at once. (That's self-blame, folks, check the 3rd quote up above. I just left out the "self-help" step.)<br /><br />I believe I included this is one of my blogs a year or so ago, I don't remember. But I'm going to share it again nonetheless. I wrote it when I was at the "bottom" of my cycle, trying to explain to myself mostly, but to others as well, using non-conventional sentences but rather snippets of thoughts that were in my mind at the time, to convey what was going on "in there" .<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5164658146400692018" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNXaSRYInZYk44lCulha7pdHJfZybMcl2ce5ODrd_1YJ8RU0tAqP5ZydFSV6CZRTPVD2F0UM11_TCyWo7xqKP7yjXJVLgYowr9uq9GlvX_N0LWcwszZ4T4Rzgqfj0FfZ6RUWdH/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><p></p><p>your frame of reference</p><p>your journey's care. </p><p></p><p>Spinning.</p><p>.....Twisting.</p><p>..........Crumbles into chaos. </p><p></p><p>You're left alone</p><p>......with the shadows.</p><p></p><p>............and the fear.</p><p></p><p>Everything moves. </p><p>Nothing moves. </p><p>Up is down, green is brown.</p><p></p><p>The storm in mind </p><p>subsides.</p><p>Tranquil again.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Awaiting the next tsunami. </p><p></p><p>____________________________________________</p><p></p><p>Love and peace to all of you.</p><p>Rick<br /></p><p></p>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-34928235447909117862008-02-02T08:36:00.000-07:002008-02-04T13:42:58.882-07:00I Lied......I Have Crumbled......I HurtToday, I hope to be offered some level of forgiveness from places where I don't deserve it. I'll fully undertstand if it's not offered.<br /><br />I'm always talking about my childhood, my upbringing, my parents, as if everybody's background was the same. Of course, I realize they're not, and I'm probably boring you to tears when I go there. Just one more story, though, okay?<br /><br />On Sundays, without fail, we'd all get dressed up in these fancy clothes that we only wore on Sundays and head off to a big brick building that my folks and others used to refer to as a "church". I didn't know what it was it was all about, and frankly, didn't much care. All I knew is that this guy in a robe would, fairly early after everyone had gathered, call all us kids up to the front and tell us a story, and then we'd head off into back rooms for awhile until our folks were finished whatever it was they did. But I knew the really cool part was when it was time to go home, we'd be given a "comic book" (They normally weren't allowed in our house), called "Sunday Pix". I found out later they were kinda the kid's version of some of the Bible stories.....kinda like the Aesop's Fables that mom used to read me, it was just was from a different book.<br /><br />Obviously I didn't "get" the concept of church, worship, fellowship, God, belief.....you complete the list, at all.<br /><br />But the ONE thing I do remember, quite clearly in fact, over half a century later, was ONE, and just one of the kid's stories that the man in black (Dr. Graham Tipple, in fact) told. Perhaps I've kept that memory because I need to share it so badly today.<br /><br />The story went something like this:" A woman had been gossiping about her neighbour, and it turned out that what she was telling others was wrong. When she discovered that, she not only felt bad, she wanted to somehow make it right. They had been very good neigbours, even friends at a social level. She went to visit the man in the black robe for advice (He called imself a "minister".). He told her to take a feather pillow that she didn't need anymore, and bring it back. Strange as that sounded to her, she did it because she really respected this man. When she got back, he said Follow me", and they climbed stairs as high as they could get in the building. He had brought along a pair of scissors, so he told her to cut the pillow open, and let the feathers blow freely out the window.<br /><br />That was it. She was so puzzled. He said, "I'm really sorry, but I have other work I must attend to right now. Please come back tomorrow at the same time, and we'll pick up where we left off. "<br /><br />And so she did.<br /><br />Greetings were exchanged the next day, and then he simply said, "Now, go out and pick up every one of the feathers you dropped yestarday."<br /><br />She understood....I had forgotten. Today, I feel cruel, degrading, dishonest, betraying. Because perfect was never good enough for me I quit even trying, and started lying about things so they'd <em>sound perfect. </em>I got so good at it, I started believing it myself, and starting getting those positive strokes we all love to get. And that's what my life has now become.<br /><br />I am a lie. I am a deception. I am non-trusting and non-trustable. I am fake. I accused Shane of things that I did not know to be true of him. He was partly "fallout victim", a "timing victim" of what those two kids pulled on me with such ease and amusement. Of course it embarrassed me! I pretended anger and indignation, but I was embarrassed that I really am such a simpleton. Shane simply was in the wrong place at the time, and so here and now, it is NOT I who "<strong><em>forgives you, unconditionally</em></strong>." That's simply not my option here.<br /><br />I hope you accept the fact that I'll never be able to collect all the feathers back.<br /><br />Yes, I am at the pits of despair, and the bottom of probably the second deepest depression I've found myself trying to fight through in my life. That's why you've heard me talking openly about, as well as alluding to suicide as a possible solution lately. It still may be...sadly, that type of action is seldom rational and never predictable. I don't know if I'll make it. I think I will. That's why I suggested the other day I might be in for a long hospital stay.<br /><br />I regained a lot of my former self (or "pretended" former self) last night when the blog entry on Matty's site, called "<a href="http://http//runningonempty-matty.blogspot.com/">Running On Empty</a>" (that really is a hyperlink between quotes, though on my site it looks the same colour print). You truly should click on it and read the entry "<a href="http://http//www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=3538668986840240325&postID=925075066880962863&isPopup=true">Another Child Lost</a>" (another hyperlink) about her friend Misty if you have the time. If you don't have the time, you really should find the time anyway. It's not only worth it, but you'll get to meet what a TRUE and REAL hero sounds, feels and acts like. Include reading the comments that followed. I added one, as I sometimes do, towards the end and she responded in a personal way as she ALWAYS does. Her response put me in the place of Misty, and that's the first time that not only has anyone done that, but the first time I've recognized it. I believe she saved my life last night. If you've been reading my blog the last while, you'll have noticed I have been saying and alluding to the word "suicide" quite openly. It scares me, of course, that that option is always there. That's why I mentioned in for another lengthy hospital stay. The burden becomes too heavy for me to carry.<br /><br />So, I'm sorry to pop your collective balloon, and I am so damned proud of being able to have helped a couple of you, but the real genuine heroes are the Matty's and Uncle Gerry's from <a href="http://http//nichevo-gerrym0527.blogspot.com/">Nichevo</a> (hyperlink!) of this world. I certainly don't deserve to even be allowed to sweep the platform off after they're done performing. What they, along with countless thousands of others, offer truly "The Greatest Show On Earth".<br /><br />I took down the offending and offensive blog entries that generated this one. I am trying to collect up as many feathers as I can, and hope you'll help me, and not just keep knocking them out of my hands. And I pray that the girl and guy in Boulder Colarado are there holding the slit pillowcase open for me to deposit the feathers in as I can find them, and take them back.<br /><br />Emotion, I've discovered, is something that controls me more than any other force in the world. I think, when I sit down to write my final letter to Santa Claus, that's all I'm going to ask for. To be able to control that.<br /><br />You'll notice, in this blog, my thoughts preceded the quotes which I almost always include. The following quotes are intended for me this time. That's why they follow. Wrapped in a big layer of sorrow and grief.<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i_wanna_be_there_when_your_world_is_crashing_down/8657.html"><strong><em>I wanna be there when your world is crashing down...I wanna be there when they tell you lies...and when you're feeling like you don't belong. Gonna be your friend. Gonna be there 'till the end</em></strong></a>." - anon<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/if_this_were_the_last_day_of_your_life-my_friend/187707.html"><strong><em>If this were the last day of your life, my friend Tell me, what do you think you would do then? Stand up to the blow, that fate has struck upon you? Make the most of all you still have coming to you? or Lay down on the ground and let the tears flow</em></strong>."</a> - John Dryden<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/a_lie_told_often_enough_becomes/195640.html"><strong><em>A lie told often enough becomes truth</em></strong></a>” - Vladimir Lenin<br /><br /><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/if_you_tell_a_big_enough_lie_and_tell_it/195660.html"><strong><em>If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed</em></strong></a>” - Adolf Hitler<br /><br /><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/those_who_think_it_permissible_to_tell_white_lies/198029.html"><strong><em>Those who think it permissible to tell white lies soon grow colorblind</em></strong></a>” - anon<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/a_man_had_rather_have_a_hundred_lies_told_of_him/198036.html"><strong><em>A man had rather have a hundred lies told of him than one truth which he does not wish should be told</em></strong></a>." - Samuel Johnson<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i_will_tell_you_privately_it-s_not_going_to_get/200556.html"><strong><em>I will tell you privately it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse all the time, but don't fret. Remember, we "play the ball where it lies," and now let's not talk about this, ever again</em></strong>.</a>” - Bobby Jones<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/a_man_who_tells_lies-like_me-merely_hides_the/201252.html"><strong><em>A man who tells lies, like me, merely hides the truth. But a man who tells half-lies has forgotten where he put it</em></strong>.</a>” - Claude Rains<br /><br /><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/you_needn-t_love_your_enemy-but_if_you_refrain/205126.html"><strong><em>You needn't love your enemy, but if you refrain from telling lies about him, you are doing well enough</em></strong>.</a>” - Edgar Watson Howe<br /><br /><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/one_may_sometimes_tell_a_lie-but_the_grimace_that/206007.html"><strong><em>One may sometimes tell a lie, but the grimace that accompanies it tells the truth</em></strong>.</a>” - Friedrich Neitzche<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/sex_is_full_of_lies-the_body_tries_to_tell_the/210434.html"><strong><em>Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it's usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies</em></strong>.</a>" - Jim Morrison<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i_love_you-and_because_i_love_you-i_would_sooner/218832.html"><strong><em>I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies</em></strong></a>" - Pierto Aretino<br /><br /><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i_deny_the_lawfulness_of_telling_a_lie_to_a_sick/219659.html"><strong><em>I deny the lawfulness of telling a lie to a sick man for fear of alarming him; you have no business with consequences you are to tell the truth</em></strong></a>". Samuel Johnson<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/when_you_get_real_old-honey-you_realizre_there/220279.html"><strong><em>When you get real old, honey, you realizre there are certain things that just don't matter anymore. You lay it all on the table. There's a saying: Only little children and old folks tell the truth</em></strong></a>." Sarah Louise Delaney<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/we_can_lie_in_the_language_of_dress_or_try_to/222751.html"><strong><em>We can lie in the language of dress or try to tell the truth; but unless we are naked and bald, it is impossible to be silent</em></strong></a>." Alison Lurie<br /><br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/we_tell_lies_when_we_are_afraid-afraid_of_what_we/225236.html"><strong><em>We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger</em></strong></a>." - Ted Williams<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5162414975176304402" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikCWCrAf445lIDE8HSc9Bs8AbYM7o-V6PmpRtVxE_IjMiU2mvDLrosRZGRN_cEyntofvpjnJKDoJ_EkV99QT01mVg72TT2lCKdYznmabzYzz0POOFcPng_FX8b9hsh7AXUukHq/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></p><br /><p>I owe this to all of you, including both of you, JJ and Shane. <strong><em>Especially</em></strong> to the two of you since I made such a vitriolic attack on the two of you. I believe it was my "illness" talking, but that is really just a pathetic, cover-up excuse.<br /></p><p>Withholding information that, by doing so, distorts the truth, is as much a lie as a spoken one....perhaps even more so. </p><p>Sex scares me. I can't allow myself to even try. My doctor once said that I was probably having so much trouble acccepting it as "normal" was because I'm perhaps homophobic. That's why I'm a 59-year-old virgin. But I can still see as clearly as if I'm looking at it right now, the expression on the face of my mother, perhaps the woman I have tried to love the most in my life, when we were having a discussion about whether or not gays should be "allowed" to join our church, and she referred to them as "those people". The hatred that dripped off her tongue as she said it cut so deeply into me that to this day I am still recovering from that wound. That was also the day that I gave up any belief in a God that might have been formulating in me. This was when I stopped going to church, and gave up on all the "commercial" religions. I developed a "spirit god" of my own. </p><p>My absolute shame and rejection of myself, and reason for you to follow suit doing the same is that there is one more "secret" I have been withholding from all of you. I have not told you about who I really am. I have one more sickening and perverse secret about myself that I am now, for better or worse, going to expose to "the world" (i.e. the four readers who come here). I have a filthy fetish. I have a physical reaction to bondage and leather. There. It's "out". Based on the number of websites about it, it looks to be about a billion dollar or more a year industry, which of course indicates I'm not alone, but it sickens me daily that, on top of all the other imperfections I've been cursed with, this is not only the most revolting one, but the one I had to keep silent about all my life. </p><p>I attempted to compensate by doing what that old maxim says: "When the world hands you lemons, make lemonade." And so I started lying. I worked long and hard at becoming the excellent instructor I turned to be. I guess that was okay, but it was only a Hallowe'en costume I had put on. It was all a lie.</p><p>Then, I tried to live as this "greater, larger-than-life" person that some of you, and others I've "helped" along the way when I could, would think of me, to try and forget what a pile of disgust I truly am. It's all been a lie. At least I hope the lie allowed some good to rub off a litte bit vicariously on others That, at least, would lend me some value. My entire life has been a lie. </p><p></p><p>Not only have I lived alone most of my life, but I've lived lonely. That's what cuts the deepest. I get so jealous of others when I see how much I've missed out on, that I have grown "afraid" of being in a crowd. It's not the phobia associated with that condition...it's a conscious choice I've made. </p><p>I don't know what your reaction will be to all this. My advice is to forget about me completely as quickly as you can. </p><p>Just yesterday, I wrote in response to a private e-mail I received from the one person that I truly believe I made the largest ever difference for. I asked for, and was given permission to print it here in a public forum. I was given permission. I didn't even have the guts to ask the same courtesy of Shane. For that, also, I am deeply sorry. (I have editted the letter very slightly from the original)</p><p>"<em>My dear x:<br /><br />Although I guess I anticipated this kind of response from some of you, and quite honestly...particularly you....and I understand your feelings fully because I have been there so often, I'm going to politely decline your offer of "m". <strong>Wait! Wait</strong>! You gotta read all of this before you react! It's the "second story" I want to allude to a bit with you here, difficult as it is for me to do so. As I pointed out, I have a comfortable "emergency fund" set aside to cover the sort of thing he pulled on me, but remember I could have stopped it at anytime [</em>That's a lie. He had me completely and totally suckered in.] <em>I was in charge of what was happening in that interaction, and I could have chosen to end it. It's pretty obvious to a blind man that I'm an optimist, perhaps too unrealistic a one. People often say that of me as if it's an accusation or something. Truth be told [</em>it's pathetic that I even dare misuse the word "Truth" here, since at least the previous blog was accurate in saying that "truth" and "Honesty" are one of the four pillars I have tried to build upon<em>.], x, I wear it as a badge of honour because it means that my character (which I'm also very proud of) is showing through. That's my payment in life. I'm a simple man who has missed out on a lot of things which others have had. And I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't jealous, and often</em>.[That, I think, is probably the closest I actually came to being genuinely and sincerely honest in this reply.] <em>But when my time comes,</em> [Read on]<em> I hope that I have engraved on my headstone something like "Here lies a worthy man. He made a difference." That's all I seek.That's really all I care about.</em> [The first part is a lie. Only someone else can determine the second.]<br /><em><br />I doubt you have the slightest idea what it's like for me to live my life alone, unable to share it with anyone, because my personal walls of defence are so high and so strong, they keep everyone else out. I know they're supposed to be pillars I build on and not walls I defend with, but that's the way I've developed. For instance, the "Moral" pillar includes the truth that "Sex is to be consummated only within a marriage" . because it was inculcated in me so deeply when I was developing, I find it almost impossible to shake now, even at 59. You never compromise on the four basic principles. No exceptions. Ever. Under any circumstances. I guess 'lying' dooesn't come under the kubris of 'honesty'. Pretty simple philosophy of life, eh? From my point of view, you simply don't undermine in any way the four pillars, or your whole being crumbles.</em> [That happened a long, long time ago. Lately, I've simply been reminded of this truth about myself often and in a big way. <em>That's why it devasted me so much when I found myself almost hating this young lad, (an excuse) </em>[I used the concept of "hating" him to not only push me up one more step on the "angel" ladder with you, but I was too crushed that yet again I had been suckered totally, this time by a couple of teenage kids, who were laughing behind my back the whole time and what's more, right in my own home. I "baited" them to come over on a daily basis (I'd buy the weed, a quarter of a pound at a time, about $700 give or take, they had the connections to get it, I certainly didn't. So I also found out later that they would help themselves to a healthy dose of each bag before giving it to me...what did I know?..... and then we'd share a joing, or a blunt, or a bong, giving it to them "free" each day, knowing that was the only reason that they would bother visiting, (I discovered when they were first here painting in the summer that they smoke regular 6 or 7 joints a DAY). This part is honest. I enjoyed the visits, they helped me forget my loneliness, at least for an hour or so each day. Maybe that alone was worth a joint or two. We'd smoke a joint or a blunt or a bong or whatever we felt like that day, and, unknown to me, one of them (actually by this time the other had stopped coming...the one who went through my wallet), the one who kept visiting, it turns out, lives almost directly across the street from me. Well, he would then help himself, generously to a few more buds from the bag to get him through the day. I only suspected it a week or two ago, confronted him with it hoping that I was calling his bluff and he openly and readily admitted it without a hint of guilt showing through, and said, "How else was I going to get any when I spend the rest of the day smoking with my friends. I'm not working, I sure don't come over here to visit you, so of course that's why I come. Another aside here, I used to smoke pot, maybe once or twice a month, (started on Aug 1, 2000) and am fully in support of de-criminalizing...but I get side-tracked]. <em>and all this just over a mere hundred bucks, at least as far as he knew. As I pointed out in my previous blog, it was actually because of something so much deeper which his action triggered in me. I guess, something that I've never even begun to deal with. Truth be told, he needs more help than he'll ever get, and he'll simply become another statistic somewhere for some reason. . In Grade 9, one of my classmates was thrown out of school because she got pregnant. No one was ever thrown out of school in those days. They had special "homes" for unwed mothers.<br /><br />My own brother, and the woman who is still his wife 35 years later, had a baby while at University, and it was automatically taken from them without them having any say in the matter, and put up for adoption. It's only been in the last few years that they've met each other. As a young'un, it was lack of self-worth, because although I love them as I do and always will, my folks always pushed for me to do better, and I never felt able to saistfy them, which I so desperately wanted to do, and needed to do. In high school, I was accepted as just an ordinary student, I wasn't bullied, picked on or anything like that, but I was not close enough to any "clique" (in fact, they weren't as clearly defined as they are today) to develop those awkward social skills which that period of life is for. I belonged to the "geek" squad, I suppose. Of course, on top of all that was being gay in a time when there was no one to turn to, no support group, nothing. In fact, it was a criminal offence back then, with fines and jail time attached. That gave me a constant and unrelenting feeling of 'guilt' that has never left me to this day. In fact, that's when I learned to HATE MYSELF so deeply that I'll never get over it. This blog family I have now been accepted into has allowed me to "come out", at least to the point that I can associate the word as a description of myself fairly comfortably, but I'm nowhere near the stage where I could ever be "seen" in public on a date with another male, or be "seen" in a gay bar, or be "seen" even on the sidewalk during the Gay Pride parade that our mayor refuses to acknowledge or sanction (Oops! I just found out that although not intended to be a lie, that last statement is untrue, just an incorrect statement. It was our previous mayor. The current one is quite supportive.). It's still a dirty and unnatural thing. ...to a lot of folks. Maybe, when the dust settles from all of this, it'll be yet another good thing that has happened to me. Maybe I needed those walls to be weakened a bit. I don't know. Time will tell on that one.<br /><br />Money is a passing thing. Necessary sometimes, of course, but financial situations can always be solved. It's the inner, personal, emotional ones that I find so devastating. I set the fund up over a period of years actually, and speeded up increasing it's size as I began to get diagnosed with these medical setbacks I'm having. Frankly, qqq, I'm scared to know that I've been told that I'll likely be completely deaf in about four years or so [I never knew what truly being "scared" was until I was told that by the doctor. I dont know if I'll be able to handle that. I guess I'll have to, but it turns my gut every time I think of it. My best friend (the one I spoke of about going through a divorce that devasted him so much) has a sister-in-law who is an incredibly delightful person. She's deaf, does some lip-reading, and recently got something that I didn't even know existed. It's the equivalent of a seeing-eye dog, except it's trained to react to sound rather than sight. (doorbells, phones, ovens dinging, smoke detectors, sirens and so on.) I have often had the thought "There but the grace of god, go I" when I get together with them. Well, the big guy up there has decided to give me a shot at it I guess. Another test? Perhaps so. In any case, I know Im scared already, primarily because I live alone and the last place in the world I want (or will ever give permission to) is to end up in a home. I watched both my Mom and Dad rot away in one of those places, and I swore I would never let that happen to me.<br /><br />No, the fund was primarilly because I knew eventually I would be needing things like hearing aids, glasses, perhaps a wheel chair. That sort of thing happens as life winds down ya know! When I was teaching my Scout Troop, one of my mantras for camping outings was "Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it." Of course, I'll openly admit I let the quantities of money with xxx get a little more out of hand than I intended, but I had the sense that he was catching on to "goodness" and to me, and so it was worth the little extra. I'll admit that he's a smoother operator than I gave him credit for. It's like putting "just one more quarter in the slot machine". The kids, on the other hand had me completely suckered in, primarily because it involved drugs, and that subculture, of which I know very little. I'll also tell you, in a shameful way, that I found one of them, in a small way,somewhat attractive, and of course, although he was of course of "legal" age and I could be his grandfather, I enjoyed his visits, and perhaps subconciouly was "baiting" him a bit. When I discovered....too late....these kids were simply using me, it devastated me. I hadn't picked up on the pattern with them at all for those reasons, and in hindsight, well I guess that's what has "cost" me the most.<br /><br />I badly failed them, and I didn't need to (and certainly didn't want to). No, it's really not anything of a financial crisis, other than those unexpected biggies hitting me all at once. Like I say, I've always kept a totally untouchable fund that I've made grow steadily over the years for that very kind of thing. Perhaps I dramatized it a bit too much in my blog by focussing on it as much as I did just to make the point. No, it's the emotional damage and cost that he's done to me that he'll never be able to pay back. So although I say with conviction that I still consider him as I always have....my absolute equal, and therefore have no difficulty at all in forgiving him.....I abhor his actions, and only because they hurt someone else, in this case namely me. It's at times like this that I so deeply appreciate the kind of emotional support from all of you that works to "cancel" out the damage I feel.<br /><br />I love all of you for this. You don't know this, but I don't think, at least I believe I've never said the phrase "I love you" in any correspondence with any of you. Honestly? At first when you started using it, it made me incredibly uncomfortable. And then, finally, when some of you would occasionally end a comment or an e-mail with that, I had an incredibly strong "A-ha Insight". I had never realized that there were so many levels of love. In the couple of very kind notes that "Uncle Gerry" from Nichevo has left me, even he has used it, and I believe entirely sincerely. Had I gotten his comments a year ago, I suspect my reaction would be totally different. I don't know if you keep "old" correspondence but it'll certainly show up on any of my past blogs in the archives. You'll never see that I've used that word with regards to anything. All my life, I have always considered 'love' to be an exact and exclusive synonym for 'sex'. That's why I'm a 59-year-old virgin. I was able to finally understand (sometimes my head is thicker than a sheet of steel!!) that there are so many types and levels of love, and I found it so liberating. You proved that in spades to me with that piece of you that hangs on my wall. I know it took time, I know it took thought, I know it took emotion, and I know it took love to produce it. I know you are "in" it, and forever will be (even if I do mix you up with mmm from time to time!) In fact, it means so much more to me now today than it did even yesterday directly because of this e-mail of yours.<br /><br />I won't hear of you blaming yourself for one iota of this, though. Damned right I won't! It is NOT your fault. We're all big kids, and can make our own decisions. Sometimes we have to choose between two things we'd like to do. Frankly I'm thrilled that you chose the visit here. As far as I understand it, the date for them was kind of floating around anyway. You are not a poor judge of character. We see in others what we want to see, and are generally blind to the rest. You say that you brought them together. I wasn't aware of that. But if so, look at them now. A year later, they still have a marriage, granted perhaps not the best in the world, but you gave them the opportunity to try, and I was able to some degree to add on the means. What a helluva team we are, eh?!!<br /><br />You devastate me when you say you feel bad for accepting the gift from me. Damned right I'm going to tell you that. What I seem unable to get through to most people are that "things" are just "things". You're painting isn't a "thing"...my TV is. Of course you won't send me any money. If you have extra on Mar 3rd, and want to spend it somewhere, that may be an ideal time for you to think of some creative ways to pay it FORWARD. That's the whole idea behind all of this. Look out for people who have "needs", and do your best to help them meet those. In an up-coming blog soon, I hope to be able to make a distinction between "wants" and "needs". Personally, and I know it's clearly not a very widely-shared view, I feel I am just as equally responsible for meeting another person's "needs" as they are...especially if I can satisfy it with something that I have, but don't "need". If that's not the case, I feel, it's at least my obligation to steer them in the direction where they're likely to have a better chance of having their needs met. That's what I mean when I say that we are all equal as human beings. In fact, at one level, xxx and aaa probably "need" more help in their lives right now than at any other point. I hope my blog helped serve as a wake-up call. You don't change a person overnight, but I hope that there is some seed, some nugget some wording that I put in there that hits home with them. That's all I can offer them. Now, it's up to them I truly hope they pull it off, although like most of us, at this point the odds are probably slim. The fact is, though, there are odds. Sometimes the long shot comes in. That's why folks keep betting. (There's also more than chemical addiction <smile!>.)<br /><br />So, let me say, I'm not "suffering", in spite of the graciousness of it, I don't "need" your help, but thank you so sincerely for the offer. The thing that hurts me the most in your note is that you say you "HATE" people. Please don't do that on my account. It undermines everything I've tried to stand for. I know it (and a lot of others) are words we throw around without much thought, but there are certain words that I personally put a lot of stock into. That's one of them. So, if you really want to add anything to something I can't possibly begin to describe, that's what you could do for me. Paint a little forgiveness down in one corner of yin-yang. As you said, "There's the good and there's the bad. But it all balances out in the end." I'm just asking you to take your own advice. Right now, that is the greatest gift you could give back if you feel the oblgation.<br /><br />"Some say that I'm a dreamer,<br />But I'm not the only one."<br /><br />Love<br /><br />Rick<br /><br />P.S. I'm going to ask YOU another favour now.Will you, if I choose to, be allowed to extract pieces of my response here in for another blog, to share with others who might read it? From my angle of the stage, I see things in there that I have't worded quite that way before, and I'd like to be allowed to share some of it. Of course, the caveat that all personal identity be eliminated would always apply. And I have no problem accepting a "I'd rather you not," as an answer. I'm just asking, because it's turned ito almost a blog enrty itself, which wasn't my intent when I started!"<br /> _________________________________________________</em></p><p> </p>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-3553268336460973112008-01-29T15:12:00.000-07:002008-01-29T19:14:06.886-07:00Public Penitence - Part 1 - Background<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZw9QvGC9lYm84s2yuj-La6x_BRo_hnJrByJIIGmBJ-b_bR-DshAGXgUT4EFn9DlTRCDmso21UHk-h4bonMhIG3M4qMzpmttVvRRwci7kwP-FTf1ByG8hPIgdM-MEq9OSXHFGb/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5161032717261497970" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZw9QvGC9lYm84s2yuj-La6x_BRo_hnJrByJIIGmBJ-b_bR-DshAGXgUT4EFn9DlTRCDmso21UHk-h4bonMhIG3M4qMzpmttVvRRwci7kwP-FTf1ByG8hPIgdM-MEq9OSXHFGb/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><div> </div><br /><div><strong>MORALS</strong>:</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Of or related to conduct or character from the point of view of right and wrong, concerned with the goodness and badness of an action, characteristic, disposition, etc." (American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language)</div><div><br /><br /></div><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/physical_courage-which_despises_all_danger-will/146184.html"><em>Physical courage, which despises all danger, will make a man brave in one way; and moral courage, which despises all opinion, will make a man brave in another</em></a>." - Charles Caleb Colton</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div><strong>ETHICS</strong>:</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>"The principles of right conduct, especially with reference to a specific profession, mode of life, etc." (Standard College Dictionary, Cdn edition)</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/live_one_day_at_a_time_emphasizing_ethics_rather/203832.html"><em>Live one day at a time emphasizing ethics rather than rules</em></a>." - Wayne Dyer</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div><strong>HONESTY</strong>:</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>"Honesty implies truthfulness, fairness in dealing, and absence of fraud, deceit and dissembling." (American Dictionary)</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/with_people_of_only_moderate_ability_modesty_is/182972.html"><em>With people of only moderate ability modesty is mere honesty; but with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy</em></a>." - Arthur Scopenhauser</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div><strong>INTEGRITY</strong>:<br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>"Uprightness of character; probity.The condition or quality of being unimpaired or sound. The state of being complete or undivided." (Candadian Dictionary)</div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div><a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i_cannot_find_language_of_sufficient_energy_to/166354.html"><em>I cannot find language of sufficient energy to convey my sense of the sacredness of private integrity</em></a>." - Ralph Waldo Emerson</div><div><br /><br /></div><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5161026249040750178" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIYAZPlR5-8wtNtCcAvFyB_EKS5JWDwnL3aVuCwvnx9BTjFTPMC6usxw2GibRLP6blWAbLcjb67d8MDWjo6vpNEpp97zxNmMGElo2Xxu_Z_QUdcWzMczzjLLDiA3c2dRttlx3p/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><br />[<em>I need mention at the beginning here that this entry is going to be very long.....too long, in fact to probably even include in a blog. You can skip over it, read it in installments, or do a marathon skim. Whatever. This time, I'm not much worried about that, because this entry is written to me, not to you. But I feel totally driven by the compulsion to say what I have to say in a public forum, and this is about the only public one I have. Please don't be offended. Just warning you ahead of time</em>!]<br /><br />Uh-oh! Sounds like this may be a serious, belly-button examining entry, eh? Well, for me, it will be. In fact, in an incredibly serious personal way, it will be. There are going to be a lot of "I's" and me's" used in this blog. You see, as I said above, I'm writing it for myself, not for you (although I certainly hope at least <em>some</em> of you might give it some mind!). No, just check the title again....."Public Penitence".<br /><br />I have made a dozen or more attempts at writing drafts of this entry already, and then my plan was to just do minor edits as I typed in the "final.....yeah, THAT's what I want to say" version. But I've discovered that, no matter how I've tried to say what I want to.....what I NEED to....well, it just doesn't work that way. It makes it too detached. So folks, I threw them all away, and what you'll be reading here is straight from the heart. It will no likely ramble and wander a bit, I have that tendency, but underneath all the superficiality of the words which I will eventually end up choosing will be a description, a feeling, a piece of me which I never knew existed, and it's scared the shit out of me that I've found out now. It's not at all pleasant.<br /><br />One who belongs to the Catholic church, I believe, goes to confession and says something like "Father forgive me, for I have sinned", and then they go on to dump their problems on a priest assuming somehow that will make things right, and whatever the sin, or problem was, will just go away, and they can have their "conscience" back, safe and sound again. I'm not mocking Catholics here, I simply use that as a common example of how we often attempt to deal with the meaningful, serious things that make life worthwhile. Skipping a church service, or pulling your kid sister's pigtail is really of no consequence. I have often very comfortably been able to talk with complete strangers on planes or trains about things I would never think to say to someone I personally knew, lest it hurt them in some way. I know I'll never see this stranger again, so there's almost an implied permission to imagine them as the "travelling priest".<br /><br />Having said that, I'd ask you to look at the four words I chose to start this blog off with. Now, I loved, love, and forever will love my parents dearly, although I would have done (and insisted they do!) things radically differently if I had it to do over, and they were back in charge again. We weren't terribly well off, but we comfortable. For instance, if we had company for a meal, often Mom or Dad would quietly say "F.H.B." There were 5 of us kids in the family, and we all understood that FHB meant "Family Hold Back". It meant don't ask for second helpings, because the first priority was to make sure our company had their fill, and left our house with full bellies and memories of a good evening.<br /><br />But dammit, at 8 years old, you don't truly understand that sort of thing, and I wanted that extra piece of cake...my Mom was a great cook, by the way. We had our own vegetale garden because it was cheaper to can them ourselves than buy them. Let me tell you, 5 decades later, I can still taste the jam made from wild strwaberries that I, myself, had picked, or blueberry pie fresh out of the oven. It was just that there was always a budget that had to be paid attention to. But I didn't understand that, and quite frankly didn't care. All I knew is that I was being denied something I wanted!<br /><br />Again, that's but one example of thousands I could give, but won't, because I suspect there isn't a soul alive who would have parented themselves differently had they the opportunity to be their own parent. I have often complained that my Dad never paid me much attention. He didn't throw a ball with me, take me to a hockey game, not even have "the talk" with me. At the time when I was just a "kid", I pretty much accepted that the big guys (i.e. adults) always got the final say. (As an aside, when I was a kid I had it drilled into me that if I ever got lost or into trouble anywhere at any time, I should go up to the nearest adult for help. Now we have "street-proofing" courses in our schools).<br /><br />Anyway, back to my train of thought (I told you this would ramble....part of that, honestly, is that I'm "putting off" getting to the current pain I'm feeling.) I can't recall a single incident when I so much as raised my voice at either of my parents in anger or disagreement, and I <em>certainly</em> never heard them argue with each other. Ever. (In a conversation much later in life with Mom, I mentioned that point, and she almost puked. She said there were times when their marriage was close to being on the rocks, but they both felt so strongly that we, as kids, never see that in a loving, caring relationship that they kept their disagreements "out of our scopes".<br /><br />To this day, I still am incredibly uncomfortable when I see two people who I thought loved each other argue or shout at each other. I instantly feel the need to leave the room, I get knots in my gut, because I feel I'm intruding on a very private moment. It's like accidentally walking into a bedrooom and finding three people having fun together!) I know how stupid that is, but it's entrenched as a part of me. It's no doubt, one of the reasons I've never allowed myself anything more than a "let's take in a movie on Friday night " relationship with anyone. <br /><br />There was one exception, and I have only realized very recently how deeply in love I am with that man, my Dad. He died in 1975 of what is now called "Mad Cow's Disease", back then, it was Jacob-Creutzfeld Disease. In 1975, <em>absolutely nothing</em> was known about it. At that time, I was working in Montreal, and I got the call (just after Christmas), and managed to get a late flight home to Sault Ste Marie, my hometown. My brother picked me up at the airport, we reached the hospital just after midnight, I took Dad's hand in mine, leaned over and kissed him on the forehead, and almost whispered, "Dad, it's Rick. We're all here now." Although it's no doubt just in my imagination, I will swear to the day I die that I felt a very weak squeeze on my hand, and then he simply stopped breathing. As easy as that. I have always felt that he was just waiting for me to get there, so we'd be our complete family one last time.<br /><br />Now, I know I've talked a lot about "family" here. And I appreciate that there are countless many that weren't as privileged as I. But, I remind you again, this is <em>to me about me</em>.<br /><br />Everytime I hear the lyrics to the song ""In the Living Years" I have to fight back the tears still.<br /><br /><center><br /><br />Every generation<br />Blames the one before<br />And all of their frustrations<br />Come beating on your door<br />I know that Im a prisoner<br />To all my father held so dear<br />I know that Im a hostage<br />To all his hopes and fears<br /><br />I just wish I could have told him in the living years<br /><br />Crumpled bits of paper<br />Filled with imperfect thought<br />Stilted conversations<br />Im afraid thats all weve got<br />You say you just dont see it<br />He says its perfect sense<br />You just cant get agreement<br />In this present tense<br />We all talk a different language<br />Talking in defence<br /><br />Say it loud, say it clear<br />You can listen as well as you hear<br />Its too late when we die<br />To admit we dont see eye to eye<br /><br />So we open up a quarrel<br />Between the present and the past<br />We only sacrifice the future<br />Its the bitterness that lasts<br />So dont yield to the fortunes<br />You sometimes see as fate<br />It may have a new perspective<br />On a different day<br />And if you dont give up, and dont give in<br />You may just be o.k.<br /><br />Say it loud, say it clear<br />You can listen as well as you hear<br />Its too late when we die<br />To admit we dont see eye to eye<br /><br />I wasnt there that morning<br />When my father passed away<br />I didnt get to tell him<br />All the things I had to say<br />I think I caught his spirit<br />Later that same year<br />Im sure I heard his echo<br />In my babys new born tears<br /><br />I just wish I could have told him in the living years<br /><br />Say it loud, say it clear<br />You can listen as well as you hear<br />Its too late when we die<br />To admit we dont see eye to eye<br /><br /> - courtesy of Mike and the Mechanics<br /><br /></center><br /><br />But, as I said above, there was one exception. Our family ALWAYS ate every meal together as a family, and that's when we talked about our day, and shared, we'd play word games.....and learned. Actually, I'm wrong...there were two. Sunday afternoons were ALWAYS spent together as a family in the living room, reading, playing board games, petting the dog, it really didn't matter what....we were a unit. Both my parents were incredibly active in the community. They gave of themselves more than anyone else I have ever met. I'm biased, of course. There are countless thousands who do the same. I won't begin to list the organizations and activities they were involved in. Again, as a kid, I didn't understand at all why they would spend so much time with others, but not with me. Was I selfish? No, I was just in the process of growing up. Nonetheless, I felt terribly cheated.<br /><br />As I broke away from the need of parents to guide me in my life, and started assuming that mantle for myself, it hit me on the head like a piano dropping from the 40th floor of a building. Amongst all the little, insignificant, sometimes traditional, sometimes simply whimsical or habitual pieces that make all of us up, and make all of us so beautifully different, they instilled in me those four things that I listed at the start of this blog as the basis to build me....my character...my being....my soul....my essence....call it what you will, whatever word you choose; they infused themselves into me simply through their example and conduct. It was never a discussion or debate or talk. It just happened. It was who they were. And, as best as I might, it's who I've tried to become.<br /><br />Have I ever crossed my "Morality" line?<br /><br />Guilty, as charged, your honour..<br /><br />Have I ever crossed my "Honesty" line?<br /><br />Guilty, as charged, your honour.<br /><br />Have I ever crossed my "Ethics" line?<br /><br />Guilty as charged, your Honour.<br /><br />Have I ever crossed my "Integrity" line?<br /><br />Not that I'm aware of personally, your Honour, but I came so damn close within the past couple months, I panicked. You see, your Honour, that was the one pillar which I believed I had never in my life even come close to, so I have never considered the consequences of crossing it.. I'm sure others have seen that I've crossed <em>their </em>lines. They most likely have entirely different pillars of character. After all, again, we are unique, and I would never be so so presumptuous as to suggest, let alone imply that mine are "the best". Just, for me they are, that's all.<br /><br />My purpose was simple, to never compromise on my moral code.....but I got to make up what I thought it should be. I certainly wasn't told. Those became, over time, and maturation, what I now consider to be my personal "touchstones". The "lines" I draw and won't compromise on, no matter what the price. And, of course, I'm guilty of not being perfect (perfect by <strong><em>my</em></strong> definition) every day of my life. But it provides a homeplate for me. It allows my conscience to sleep as soundly as I do at night. In spite all of my bitchings, and shortcomings, and self-criticisms for which I'm famous, I'm still not a bad egg. It used to have to be that if I wasn't "perfect", then I was a total failure. Black or white. Choose.. Now I'm learning to settle for "pretty darn good".<br /><br />But I (excuse me) fucked up royally over the past several months, and I'm crying about it because it has affected other people, and I don't know what else to do.......except put it out there as a confession.<br /><br />You may have noticed that, after all of what I've written so far, I've still been beating around the bush. It hurts me that much. I just now changed the title to "Part 1 Background", not only because it's getting much, much too long, but the pain is still too overwhelming for me. I'll try again tomorrow.<br /><br />My purpose was simple. I was to be ethical in all my actions involving others, but I got to learn and understand what 'ethical' meant. It is NOT just a dictionary definition. None of those words are.<br /><br />My purpose was simple. To be honest and fair in my dealings with others. Never try to bring gain to myself at the expense of another. It usually involves some form of compromise or negotiation. A handsake was as solid and sincere as a 500-volume transcript prepared by 30 lawyers over 3 years, in order to decide ......get this.....<em><strong>how to word</strong></em> an apology to an Indian band in southern Ontario for having broken a treaty that was made a few centuries ago by people long since forgotten. (Of course, I just made up those numbers to emphasise my point, but it emphasizes my point!). To me, a simple, "on behalf of our forefathers we're sorry that you feel mistreated now. Is there anything reasonable that we can do at this point to set things straight with you?"<br /><br />One person, 30 seconds;<br />30 expensive lawyers, 3 years.<br />Take your pick.<br /><br />My purpose was simple. To live my life with integrity. To simply assume what the greats such as Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandella, and Martin Luther King lived; to that to the best of my limited abilities, in my own humble way, in my own humble existence, in my own humble corner of the world. It's not rocket science, folks. <em>EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THE FACE OF THIS PLANET IS ENTITLED TO <strong>EXACTLY</strong> THE SAME DIGNITY AND RESPECT AS EACH OTHER</em>. No exceptions. None. Ever. My unshakeable belief. It is, oh so easy to daily disagree or disapprove of the <strong><em>actions</em></strong> of other people, I can't imagine anyone getting through a day without doing that dozens of times. But it, until the very last few months, has just been an unthought of assumption of mine that I had the above attitude towards every one.<br /><br />Now I'm coming to the hard part. And, yeah, I've started to cry now. I have learned something about myself that I couldn't ever remotely imagined before. It has scared me, and it has scarred me. As a result, I've lost a great deal of my personal direction, as witnessed by a lot of the things. I've said and alluded to in my last several posts, that I have thought of solutions up to and including considering the possibility of suicide as the only available, viable, remaining solution. Now, whatever you believe the word 'god' to mean, I certainly honour and respect it. Although I've "gone there (i.e. considered suicide) with my thoughts" several times in my life (blaming it mostly on my bipolarism), fortunately I consider that I'm <em>deeply</em> spiritual, and so that's not ever a decision I would or could take, or would ever <em>want</em> to take.. My 'spirit god' simply would never, ever allow it, sick or otherwise. As you'll see in the next entry, however, I'm discovering that now I <em>might</em> be capable of things I never thought remotely possible before. That's what is scaring the shit out of me now. Not for me. Read the postscript. It's for them. My god will take care of me as is appropriate.<br /><br />I'm going to end this here now, and hopefully be able to pick it up again tomorrow or the next day. I'm considering you my "Lady on the Train", that faceless, unknown stranger who is taking the time to not only listen, but to hear.<br /><br />For that, my beautiful friends, I will always be indebted.<br /><br />Love<br /><br />Rick<br /><br />P.S. Just so I don't leave you guessing, this indescribable pain that I'm feeling comes from how I totally mishandled and mistreated the young lads I mentioned in <a href="http://http//evydense.blogspot.com/2008/01/am-i-unpatriotic-jerk.html">this earlier blog </a>(towards the end, in the paragraph starting with "Considering that I end virtually all my blogs with PEACE......... I guess I thought I was some kind of 'god' myself, and was justifying breaking ALL my foundations, thinking I was helping them, when in fact, I shocked myself when I realized recently that quite the opposite was happening. I was indeed speeding up their "decay". I was hurting them. And I was doing it intentionally. I have never been able to understand how or why one person could or would want to hurt another, physically or emotionally, and I was doing it in spades. The part I can't find forgiveness for me is I KNEW I was doing it all along, and that was making a mockery of my entire life and everything I thought I stood for. Now I'm so adrift, I don't know where to go or what to do next. It's ripping me apart.<br /><br />PEACEEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-54900072991471246782008-01-26T14:50:00.000-07:002008-01-26T14:58:28.521-07:00It's Coming.....Honest, I'm Really Trying!My dear readers (however many there are left!!):<br /><br />No quotes today, folks. Just a quickie note.<br /><br />I am trying to write what I think is a very important blog (to me, anyway) and I'm trying to choose my words very carefully so you, the reader, will not be confused by the point(s) I'm trying to make.<br /><br />I've written about a dozen drafts already, and think I'm finally getting close to what I'm wanting to say and share! I'll tell you this much, it's very personal....and it hurts.<br /><br />I haven't forgotten you, I haven't lost interest, I haven't dropped out, nothing's happened to me.<br /><br />If you have the patience, please just bear with me hopefully only a few days longer.<br /><br />Thanks so much for your caring, love and understanding.<br /><br />Cheers, peace and pass it along.<br /><br />Rick<br /><br />PEACE.Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-7547983433448657602008-01-11T14:30:00.000-07:002008-01-11T17:05:26.439-07:00Am I An Unpatriotic Jerk?<div><div><div>[Caution: it's going to be a fairly long one today, folks, but if this isn't worth some time, then nothing is.]</div><div></div><div></div><br /><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/when_your_troops_go_to_war-the_prime_minister_or/344327.html"><strong><em>When your troops go to war, the prime minister or the president change overnight from an administrator, dealing with taxation and welfare and health and deteriorating roads, into the commander-in-chief. And it's just become almost unpatriotic to describe Bush's fallacious and ill-advised and mistaken and sometimes misleading actions</em></strong>.</a>" - Jimmy Carter<br /></div><div></div><div><br /><div><br /><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/to_announce_that_there_must_be_no_criticism_of/289393.html"><strong><em>To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public</em></strong></a>." - Theodore Roosevelt<br /></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/and-as-americans-we-must-ask-ourselves-are-we/1329348.html"><strong><em>And as Americans, we must ask ourselves: Are we really so different? Must we stereotype those who disagree with us? Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin-marrying road-kill-eating tobacco-juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue-state residents are godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing Communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts?</em></strong></a>” - Dave Berry</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/conservatives-truly-love-america-and-support-the/381271.html"><strong><em>Conservatives truly love America and support the armed forces, while liberals are unpatriotic draft dodgers</em></strong>.</a>” - Joe Conason<br /></div><br /><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154336765058663938" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikW_xiVQd0U7Mm0nMzKCWg7Z-Jqqv0RWBjwUlsaB8A417apIniXwQMlDDx0qyZNhaI9Fx2BFeCFdol5bb-OQ9l890ZJunyZ0XBGTEWHj5JcOaM9TuKQQhpJ4H2wpaJAaToi4Qg/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><div>I'm guessing that this entry may start a bit of a controversial discussion...perhaps not. If it does (and, believe it or not, I actually encourage it to be), all I ask is that you be civil to each other, no matter how solidly your opinion is held, or how strongly you choose to express your views. In my mind, that's how issues get resolved. You can't solve a jigsaw if you don't have all the pieces. You can't solve a disagreement if you don't listen...no, no, no....I mean <strong><em>LISTEN</em></strong> to the other point(s) of view. Otherwise, it's simply a bias, not worthy of the time for consideration. (Lecture over!)</div><br />Yesterday, I received an e-mail from an "internet buddy" that basically consisted of 10-15 horrid pictures taken of scenes from Iraq and what "our" soldiers are going through. With each picture, there was a qualifying comparison, such as "While you do yadda-yadda, they do yadda-yadda". Here's an example:<br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154341519587460642" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYkrMBjJAPHcHH1wbi6MqUPWPxi7H3-JEbqrW4nhgXBbrqlTOL-r8Kuad9tlI3NAUjYBnV1fJ-Yr8MxIGQauMEBiiktXcJu8lTIKQZ2t2o_AEHRCs3mCmFcb1dWwsFaur6YvEV/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><br /><div>"You see only what the media wants you to see. He sees the broken bodies lying around him."<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154341274774324754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivcIsFWIX5IaK08pDwIzqtqP-GRH6HT0ZLxDnyV8sonGwsML4WBC7-GWIf1gACRyuBKaMqtHumHPqP8xcvy52g8NlXmiDx7gfVcI6XsrwhMSdVLAONSFaC-lCB8HZ6TpNSeEpu/s320/body.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154341605486806578" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjeT2NcjWhmeh3w9PtiCtd5rfmms2IFFm83AjgA0e06YnqcDwRT7RkJiEj6ELX_vlSuO-xTcpPnOmrPT9urzNs0EbMeSk6HIIN1XU4grEKCh1yCZVawSVQz0BsFkzfp6U83M70/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /> Anyone who doesn't agree that that picture, and countless thousands like it, are horrific, disturbing and disgusting is either incapable of being sensitive to the suffering of others or they are dead.<br /><br /><br /><div>After a dozen or so of these mostly stomach-turning pictures, her e-mail then showed that we're "winning the hearts and minds of the people" with pictures like this one:<br /><br /></div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154343078660589122" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimt_3E0zncG29Xt6BaaP9wXm2JBcGO69W6rhq8a45mHTyPtrqCNoxgfpO5FA_Lu5BRUpr9xE-e5IqBdFqkics0LHxWygP4bMkXcgzzOmnkhuu1sB9Xyboo5doAJ-40KVLEXSnU/s320/hand-slap.jpg" border="0" /> </div><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Her e-mail had several of these legitimate, just as honest pictures, what I call "warm-fuzzies", such as:<br /><br /><br /></div><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154347231893964386" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOJDrPcS2sMAc32_sofUF4rh57udEZJnHUU1gLSpBm25iHvAZ3IfkUWnBTlBaziizr-mW2BpqFAugdkgdXd-6JGoC-Z3XC8kxfoHlU7d7hc1cKUk1q7_xIzwk-DcvZ3EpmptuR/s320/praying.jpg" border="0" /></p><br /><div><br /></div><br /><p>"Lest we forget...Let's keep the chain going".</p><br /><p>Finally, she ended her note with: "Though we know this war is going on, it doesn't hurt to be reminded once in awhile just what these men & women go through for us."</p><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154348425894872690" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBiPXgqCCSpyJNW2at6k-sWbcUBixBuxqqLm_augKaiZdrMTPFGChs9dCrBVwUYABXP547knl2VO5tej-TPcr9VrR_0-CYCDAElpVP705zPkEZU7f3OYC9UKQVlhMqZwx4NQ6o/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /> </div><div>Of course, on the surface at least, I think most people would readily justify the current warring actions, represented by these images, as legitimate. Not everyone, of course, but then eventually someone will come out with the line "They're fighting for your right for you to disagree, don't forget that." Following such a <em>non sequitor</em>, of course, all discussion ends at that point. That statement, however, <strong><em>implies</em></strong> at least that bombing, hatred, killing, torture, destruction, friendly fire, and all the other horrors of war which we're constantly bombarded with in the comfort of our living-rooms make up the only "answer" possible. Frankly, my friends, to that I say "bullshit!" </div><br /><div>I responded to her e-mail, and asked her permission to include this topic as my blog today, quoting from her e-mail and sharing my response to her. She had no objection, and, in fact, responded once more to mine. </div><br /><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154344513179666002" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinitHxapPmo_JJ8qeW5vgw7cOueAu87By5V710c4Kb5oc_mP6CCGBnCb19sAm7DzOSU72XLiGOz7AsUZI5KB6BC4pxlr-niGHsgGOSQ0IuaZmxQHKL6a6oPPkA6bsdI1oPJGPo/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /> </div><br /><div>Here's my response to her note:</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>[First, please note that I'm speaking from a Canadian perspective, not an American one, and readily admit that I'm therefore probably ignorant of some of the emotional attachment that an American citizen would feel. In fairness, though, we have our own troops dying in Afghanistan in order to keep a mile of road open for visiting dignitaries, or whatever .<some></div><br /><br /><div>Secondly, I have taken a few small liberties in editing the note I sent, and have added an explanatory sentence here or there too. Guilty as charged.]</div><br /><div></div><div><blockquote><p>First of all, a very happy new year to you and your family. I hope and trust (knowing the little I do about you!) that you'll see to it that that's the case whether anybody likes it or not!<br /><br />Now, I'm going to be a little bit controversial with my response to this note of yours about the Troops. I used to be a very strong supporter of our military when they used to be a peacekeeping force, and only a legitimate warring force (i.e. helping to destroy Hitler) when absolutely necessary....occasions very few and very far between. I don't mean this to be denigrating at all, just a response to say that I differ (and in this case, very strongly!) in my views compared with yours, but I trust you understand that I totally respect yours. That's intelligent dialogue. Of course, those pictures that you attached to your note are both touching but sickening and horrid at the same time. They would undoubtedly have a repulsive effect even on the most totally insensitive people. But they're like a "red herring". Emotions don't win or lose wars---start or end them. People do.<br /><br />THAT is not what our troops should be doing. We would show much more leadership on the world stage if we simply said "Hell no, we won't go". Give us a disaster...hurricane, flood, ice storm. Give us a PEACEKEEPING role ----negotiator, facilitator, problem-solver, whatever, and we'll be there faster than a cat can say meow. The truth, if only people would face it and admit it, is that we have allowed our government to effectively make us the 51st state. The Prez (and not just the current one) says "Jump" and we say "Aye, Aye Sir. How High?" It was Trudeau who said back in the 60's or 70's (and I'm paraphrasing here because I don't remember the exact quote), ""When you sleep next to an elephant, you feel it when he rolls over." </p><p>Of course, there will always be some truth to that. But it should be under "former" conditions (or at least similar, even perhaps improved), where we were neighbours with each other, not bullies. Times where I didn't require a passport to visit my brother in Pennsylvania. Now, I'll only get to see him when he and his family come north, which is seldom. Their daughter, my niece, is getting married in March in Chicago, and I was looking forward to being there to share her happiness and potential future. Now I can't (won't) go, because I refuse to spend $80+ bucks on a passport which I don't need just because Uncle Georgie says I need it now to get into his country. Yeah! Yeah! I know...the terrorist threat didn't exist then, and we're the big staging point now for all of them to hit the States imminently, and maybe simultaneously. As long as you keep the people "scared" (I wonder just how many American citizens know what they're supposed to do if the "Warning Alert" goes to "orange"), you can get away with "temporarily" bending some laws (which generally tend to become permanent after the fact). No one will mind, will they?. And the proof for that scare tactic to keep us all in line is....????? Another red herring.<br /><br />Anyone who believes that adding a few hundred more underpaid and undertrained people to look at dirty underwear in a suitcase going through security all day at an airport will somehow eliminate a terrorist threat to national security is dreaming in technicolor. Any president who legitimizes unauthorized wire-tapping on his own citizens "just in case" is a frightening threat to the basic fundamental of right to free speech, so much so that internet sites are closing down by the thousands, just as a precaution that they <strong><em>might</em></strong> be in breach of these "rules". Everyone is suspicious of "the file" that various government agencies might have on them (McCarthyism, anyone?). This response that I'm giving you right now may find its way into a security file somewhere. Who knows, eh? More importantly, who cares? I sure don't. I've done nothing wrong.<br /><br />In a few short years, the States has turned from a fairly positive world leader to become a threat to their own people as well as others. Of course, it was the World Trade Tower incident that immediately re-set the U.S. agenda. A handful of kids from a culture where it is a great honour to die as a martyr for your country, along with a few highly trained trainers, and look at what they've accomplished (and we can't even begin to wrap our heads around actually looking forward to dying for your country.. It was the same as with Kamikaze pilots from Japan during WWII. </p><p>Here in the west, we value life more than anything, to the point that we will spend millions and millions and take months out of all sorts of peoples lives just to give a hog-farmer who is clearly, obviously, and has all but admitted to being a serial murderer of prostitutes (more of our "throwaways" in most cases) his "day in court". That is simply because we still believe, and with conviction and integrity, even though admittedly we screw up sometimes (anyone remember O.J.?)...that that merely says our system needs tweaking because it's not perfect "enough"... that you are innocent until shown to be guilty in a court of law. No exceptions. No "price" can be put on the value of one person over another, regardless of their actions. We MUST separate the "person" from their "actions", and we don't. And BTW, after 6 years or so, just where is Bin Laden? Do all these "elite" strike forces that the States apparently has and that make such great fiction actually exist? My skepticism says he'll show up just a month or two before the election this fall. No basis for that statement, just political skepticism!<br /><br />Greed and Power are the two concepts those folks who "lead us" are incapable of seeing past. "You elected them, and you got what you asked for" you might say. Be careful of what you ask for, first. Also sadly today, however, is that it takes money (millions and millions to buy that power). Any president/government who systematically tortures prisoners-of-war, laughing directly in the face of the Geneva Convention that was so carefully crafted following WWII so this kind of thing would never happen again, is not only a cheat but a liar to their own people when they deny these things are happening in their very country too. Now a president/government who so carefully screens and controls and edits what the press might report (remember the "embedded press corps" concept when they first moved into Iraq?) is yet another slow but certain disintegration of those freedoms that we have for centuries held so dear. That, sadly, is what those troops are fighting for now. Not the right that you allude to in your comments with the pics.<br /><br />As I see it, we have 3 choices.<br /><br />1) Laissez-faire (leave things alone and continue to rot), no doubt with increasing speed as it continues to get a good and irreversible foothold on our lives,<br /><br />2) Update the terms of the laws that govern this sort of thing (I've always felt it's a mockery and a "Bugs Bunny"-like comic strip notion and rather silly that there are "rules" to war, anyway. The point of having a war in the first place, after all, is to kill, maim and destroy anyone from the "other side" in order to bring down a government you don''t like, or take over their land because they have oil and you don't. Just watch how the Yankees go after our water supplies in the next decade or so, and just so their elite can still have "lawns" in the middle of a desert area like Vegas. As evidence, all you need to do is look at how they have essentially destroyed our cattle industry and our sofwood industry in the last few years, primarily for political pork-barrelling reasons, in spite of <strong><em>every</em></strong> Court of Appeal ruling in our favour. </p><p>And remember too, for the large part, the "terrorist" side is also made up of 18 and 19 year old scared kids, just like ours, who have wives, kids and families at home too. . ...and who gives a shit about those kids anyway ...kids are dispensable and disposable. We can always make more....be that as it may. Wars used to be fought soldier-to-soldier. Now, they're fought with high-tech, precision-guided WMD's. Even that term makes me shudder still. It implies "we don't care what the damage is, or who innocently gets killed, as long as we get our target. Anything else....well, too bad, so sad. Hmmmmm.....let's just call them 'collateral damage' and no one will think twice about it".<br /><br />3) "Fight for something better and different". Give a damn about the thousands of babies who will die of Aids today , Jan 9, 2008,in southern Africa because the large pharmaceuticul companies, although having enough stock, won''t send it because there's not a big enough profit margin in it for them, and yet the military will spend over a billion dollars on a single jet or submarine. Then the big cheese of these companies somehow manage to go home each night with a clear conscience. I doubt they give even a brief, passing thought (unless it's perhaps an ethnic, denigrating joke at a black-tie reception or something) to these folks. They are likely not even aware of the severity of the droughts, starvation, diseases, and overcrowding, and shanty towns. We have absolutely no idea of the other, <strong><em>legitimate</em></strong> horrors out there. I acknowledge fully that my idea of ethics and conscience may differ radically from the vast majority. Even if true, I doubt I'll ever change it. In my mind, those are the very few concepts upon which a person....<strong>EVERY</strong> person (not a nation, not an organization, not a neighbourhood block party, but an <strong><em>individual</em></strong>) are built and must draw their own personal lines. It just occured to me that I suppose that's why I'm taking the time to write you this fairly lengthy response! These are the fundamental guides you don't yield on (some people throw religion into their pile of guiding sticks too, one which is also guaranteed). Otherwise, we end up in a personal mess like we're seeing on the global stage today. We compromised.<br /><br />Granted, I acknowledge that having a weak and indecisive leader at the time didn't help the States much either, but that's a personal bias and not a rational argument....those goddammned turban-wearers, greasebacks, and niggers aren't worth anything anyway. They're just a drain on our social welfare systems, taking our jobs away from us and shouldn't be allowed in our country, let alone bring their culture with them. Hmmmm....why does the phrase "supreme white Aryan Race" jump into my mind at this moment. I think I'll get my head shaved, buy some Doc Marten's and bleacher jeans, get a tattoo or two, and head out into the world as a new man. (Sarcasm, just in case you didn't pick up on it! <smile>). I often wonder if we could somehow find a way to return to some form of the old "work ethic" of taking pride in a job well done, and not work to just get by till it's Friday so you can go out drinking with your buds. Please don't mis-read me there, there's nothing wrong with that. This isn't an exlusive "A or B but not both" type of situation, but I wonder if that would make any difference at all. It has always struck me as somewhat ironic and peculiar that when you buy almost anything today, esp. electronics, fridges, furnaces and so on, they come with an optional extended warranty. Isn't that the same as saying "We think our product is so badly manufactured that it will break down on you within the first 2 years. Wanna buy some insurance at a riduculously high price..just in case?)" . Oh yeah, while I'm on this ethnic-bashing streak, the Pakis shouldn't be allowed to have the RCMP uniform altered slightly to accomodate their beliefs (it's a piece of cloth, for God's sake!). As an aside, I wonder how many trillions of dollars are spent by westerners each year holidaying in these exotic places, and being fascinated by the cultural differences they find..Such a mind-blowing irony!<br /><br />So, yes, I have the deepest empathy for those soldiers over there today. They will be scarred for life, just like the Viet Nam vets are today, with a lot of them homeless, limbless, begging in the streets for their next meal and nobody gives a damn because that was 50 years ago. Many others are institutionalized for life with trauma that will never go away. It destroys families, strains governments, and splits nations, as this note would do, if-----as I sincerely hope not---you were to take it as slap in your face and an argument for argument's sake. Again, I'm trusting that you consider it just a dialogue between two folks with differing views where we happen in this case to strongly disagree.<br /><br />I don't believe that I am an insensitive person, but I have the same "prayers" for the safety and successful return to their family life for all those soldiers suffering through their current experiences as you do, so brutally well-documented in the pictures you have attached and documented by your pictures, but I offer exactly the same prayers for rig-workers, law enforcement agencies, yup, even truck drivers, construction workers and secretaries and pizza delivery boys. Name every job there is, including the unemployed or under-employed, and my feeling for their safety is exactly the same. I think the individual person is where true value lies----- where the real, almost tangible dignity and integrity lie, not in an esoteric grouping such as "the army" or the "youth workers in inner cities", or "the runaway/throwaway kids" or the "junkies" or the CEO's of Fortune 500 companies.<br /><br />Considering that I end virtually all of my blogs with "Peace", it would make me a total hypocritic to say otherwise. A few months ago, I was trying to help out a couple of kids that were school drop-outs, stoners, and going nowhere fast (they were two of the kids who painted my house last summer, and live close by). I managed to help get one of them enrolled in an alternate school so he could at least finish his high school. Since I'm quite deaf now (getting a hearing aid in a couple weeks!!), I often don't hear the doorbell if I'm in the basement or upstairs, so they would always phone before they were coming over, and I'd go and make sure my front door was unlocked so they could come in and yell for me.<br /><br />One evening, one of them felt like coming over for awhile, so I went through the standard routine. About 10 minutes later, I went downstairs because I hadn't heard anything (they usually shout for me from the foyer), and discovered almost right away that he had stolen $100 from my wallet that was sitting on a table by the kitchen where I always keep it. I convinced his friend to get him to come over at least one more time (he had an unlisted number), because I wanted to tell him to his face what I just said above. Namely, I had not the slightest hint of having less respect for him as a person, and he deserved <strong><em>always</em></strong> the dignity and rights of any human being, including from me. I made it very clear that I was really pissed off with some of the things he did, and demanded he pay me back the money (knowing I'd never see a penny of it anyway). I don't think I saw a more surprised and confused look combined together on their faces in all my life. I doubt that either of them understood a word of what I was saying, and of course I didn't get the money back, nor have I seen him again. His buddy dropped by a few more times, but now he too has stopped coming over [Ed. note --- he called just this morning and asked if it was okay for him to still come by occasionally. I feel good]. I don't know if he'll continue with his schooling or not. He says he will. Do I consider them a "failed project"? Absolutely not, because whether it actually happens or not, I planted a seed of ethics and morality with them (which neither had in great supply), and I will always believe that at some point further on down their life path, it will have some effect, in some manner, in some situation....even if it doesn't. That's the sort of thing I live for now. Not meaning to sound like any form of braggadacio, but that is the kind of thing I'm going to try and do more and more of with what remains of my life. I have discovered that there is truly no greater payoff than that. At least, I haven't stumbled across it yet..<br /><br />Wow! Sounds you touched a nerve, eh?! Thanks for the note, and "forcing" me to renew my thoughts and feelings on this topic. Some people say the decline started with the fall of the Iron Curtain. That you need the yin-yang of life to maintain balance, and we've lost the "yang". Where from next? Perhaps China, India.....the future will tell, we can only speculate.<br /><br />Love and Peace<br /><br />(and a deeply, personal thank you for the supportive words and thoughts you've sent my way over the past while. Believe me please when I say they made a huge difference in my life when I really needed to feel them. I am forever indebted. )<br /><br />Rick<br /><br />P.S. I truly, truly, honestly don't mind if you're not comfortable with it or would rather it not be, but I'd like to ask your permission to post just my reply as my next blog entry. There a lot of thoughts up there that I would like to "get out there". I will fully honour your desire if you'd rather I don't...and I won't use your name at the top, or any part that "implicates" you as the original e-mail sender of your original posting if you'd prefer it that way, unless of course, you want it, or parts of it included, to balance the discussion or whatever. I will, as I say, totally honour your desires, even about publishing my response. I know it's a touchy, controversial issue. But isn't that what we should be talking about, and trying to find a way out of? Just my thoughts.<br /><br />Rick<br /></p></blockquote></div></div><div><blockquote></blockquote><br /></div><br /><div><blockquote><br /><br />This was her response:</blockquote></div></div><div></div><div><div><blockquote><p>Rick,T</p><p>Thank you so much for taking the time to explain your opinion. </p><p>I have to say you have definitely given me some food for thought. Since the American retaliation on terrorists after the World Trade Centre attack there have been almost 5000 American soldiers killed. How many Canadians? How many Britians? I guess the terrorists could add that to their tally too.</p><p>No matter how you look at it it's all damn sad.To be honest I don't know what who or what to believe. I try to make an informed decision but it is hard.</p><p>Dave & I were discussing your views on this & Dave did have a valid point.Our soldiers may be not just peace keepers over there but they don't really have a choice in the matter. They are given their instructions & if they refused they would face courtmarshall. I know for a fact there are soldiers that do not wholeheartedly agree with the role they are playing over there but feel they have no choice. We definitely know that they don't have a say. </p><p>Please do not ever worry about offending me with a difference of opinion. I love to hear different opinions on things. It helps me see things from angles that I might not have seen prior. I do not mind if you want to use this replay as a blog post. You can use my name too, not a problem.I think it would be interesting to see some others opinions too. Thank you again for taking the time to share your views. </p></blockquote></div><div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154372653805389474" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFBY5iWR96-HsqhbEK2ByHRjWzO7Un4UhReVnuOb_s8S_yUCwZ3oiBsY-1UW4PtNIoJ8_OypFTlFrJRjrCG-YfD7EzmuHw55CYbyCMztJ_XPR8RAyLOjBfttgSgz0crqzInEA/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><br /></div><div>I know I just used this a few blogs ago, but I can think of no words that can make the point more perfectly.<br /></div><div><div><center><br /></div><br /><div><br />"IMAGINE"<br />Imagine there's no Heaven<br />It's easy if you try<br />No hell below us<br />Above us only sky<br />Imagine all the people<br />Living for today<br />Imagine there's no countries<br />It isn't hard to do<br />Nothing to kill or die for<br />And no religion too<br />Imagine all the people<br />Living life in peace<br />You may say that I'm a dreamer<br />But I'm not the only one<br />I hope someday you'll join us<br />And the world will be as one<br />Imagine no possessions<br />I wonder if you can<br />No need for greed or hunger<br />A brotherhood of man<br />Imagine all the people<br />Sharing all the world<br />You may say that I'm a dreamer<br />But I'm not the only one<br />I hope someday you'll join us<br />And the world will live as one </div><div> </div><div>-John Lennon</div><div> </div><br /><div><br /></div><center><br /> </center></center><div>We truly <strong><em>can</em></strong> get along with folks who are different than us, radically diferent even, in whatever way. We just have to try....and try hard <strong><em>enough</em></strong>.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5154360211285132946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikoXDJaE_13rAP-wGQNRf7o7LGj7UPytDLL2KztP-SKSSEYANrdNBiUV6RsV1Pc_dpxCvv01TunXVtOqgC7IgttMovQ_TaJuVL8jnygj2QC8b8thVNrzdvHEWl3VTzaOsVz4QC/s320/20060409-104907674944391fd07dc8f.jpg" border="0" /><br /><center><br /><br />PEACE, my friends, PEACE.</div><br /><br /><div></center></div><br /><div></div></div></div>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-27027512149060939042008-01-07T15:40:00.000-07:002008-01-07T16:48:05.008-07:00What Goes Around......“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i-m-a-big-believer-in-karma-what-goes-around/1427985.html"><strong><em>I'm a big believer in karma. What goes around comes around. If you don't treat people right, things come back to bite you</em></strong>.</a>” - Mike Cameron<br /><div><div><div><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/life_begets_life-energy_creates_energy-it_is_by/14697.html"><strong><em>Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich</em></strong>.</a>” - Sarah Bernhardt</div><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/the-force-is-what-gives-a-jedi-his-power-it-s-an/538007.html"><strong><em>The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together</em></strong>.</a>” - Star Wars quotes</div><div></div><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/the-millions-more-movement-is-challenging-all-of/633387.html"><strong><em>The Millions More Movement is challenging all of us to rise above the things that have kept us divided in the past, by focusing us on the agenda of the Millions More Movement to see how all of us, with all of our varied differences, can come together and direct our energy, not at each other, but at the condition of the reality of the suffering of our people, that we might use all of our skills, gifts and talents to create a better world for ourselves, our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren</em></strong>,</a>” - Louis Farrakhan</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5152873856247973298" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOQRmzy2bStuFQfyCGbHv16U4IsM6yzW9QBVkRXH2SWHn5BFFX6jXL_B7uKESxOpiknwZmdA_abdeSvJIIzaWY6UjyonuI6RZhfzkMh4as5RrBeG5nq3CEJ-PjldE0CHbrDrVy/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5152879817662580178" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfJXddFJ1xdVSdw02a9zur-a3zPRzC1UF2Rx88cGXuV0tMYAF0ULq5tZBh1PLZfRJGtya3t2DUqA1h7xDCr5FU6LCQEmDO5znPBtp_a4K3aqHVU6rmHAAfPl41cEHXLAOjM1Fn/s320/energy-cropped.JPG" border="0" /><br /><br /><p>I think is was Sir Isaac Newton, wasn't it, who said "Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but merely converted from one form to another." Well, as so often has happened as our society matures and discovers more about itself, we slowly prove the "old" scientists didn't have it right after all. But they did steer us in the right direction to continuously look for more refined answers. Newton was wrong on this one, though. </p><p>If you have read my last couple blog entries, as well as the delightfully sublime blog of "<a href="http://nichevo-gerrym0527.blogspot.com/">Nichevo</a>" ( a gay site, now listed in my side bar, and highly recommended), I can't help but be convinced that energy can be created in infinite amounts, from pretty much nothing of anything. A smile, a kind word, a quarter for the bum asking for a handout for his next bottle of hooch. Truly, it only takes "a nothing". I hope that most of you have had the joy in some form or another at some time in your life to experience the most uplifting love and feedback that I have received recently when I needed it the most. It hasn't gone unnoticed, in spite of it seldom being acknowledged. Let me take care of that oversight now.</p><p>Thank you more than mere English words can express for the kindnesses and love that have dripped out of the comments you have left me over the last little while, both from "the regulars" as well as from complete strangers. </p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5152884688155493874" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqi4Ln4LOEXmHKyyXiPVu0L3p7z3omsgDNoEKOMv6N8ZC1Gw9AQTOScZEPcFevLeUMDABwP6B5EDkhrBExnW51SrYsp5ql8UPQWFlPNJ0Y3uTyahyt8WDz6pR_n4O_E095DWiJ/s320/The-stranger.jpg" border="0" /><br /><p></p><p></p><br /><p>I guess that's the secret to this whole thing isn't it? We're all strangers to each other unless we choose for it to be otherwise. It's our choice. The cool thing is, <em><span style="font-family:lucida grande;">WE HAVE THE CHOICE</span></em>!</p><p>That, I hope, will be my New Year's Resolution. Just that. To keep choosing.</p><p>Love and Peace</p><p>Rick. <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5152877648704095682" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja2lIRZSIBSoRCJKivoTQF6TDCE5YytQAve7TKULivOT51X5vnCjbqczbsEW9GxwMGCiKCj2UcD622JPmRXyjwUc_U83lHuM3wK1WXOGJqk4CLqyt6Vyii-6FLRdiEPBa4tzj6/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></p></div></div>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-49495088343879402752008-01-04T18:58:00.001-07:002008-01-04T21:02:46.363-07:00Gratitude, Self-Respect, Self-Pity And Simple Kindness<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSgFlZ-umwj6jSyueZLGISGVudo9nbJFGwnzjIC8-lz5n3yK6CzNg5QT5HWRQccpEgr7G_j1RoiVCtRZa0ZNzeXzWJv2C60E3oCgTpHmLcAGD0yvlKQKV7Ucl-989FGC8Pc3q3/s1600-h/f_7eca1cdc5c.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151830067525895586" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSgFlZ-umwj6jSyueZLGISGVudo9nbJFGwnzjIC8-lz5n3yK6CzNg5QT5HWRQccpEgr7G_j1RoiVCtRZa0ZNzeXzWJv2C60E3oCgTpHmLcAGD0yvlKQKV7Ucl-989FGC8Pc3q3/s320/f_7eca1cdc5c.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/gratitude_preserves_old_friendships-and_procures/7062.html"><strong><em>Gratitude preserves old friendships, and procures new</em></strong>.</a>" - anon<br /><br /><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/gratitude_is_one_of_the_least_articulate_of_the/176890.html"><strong><em>Gratitude is one of the least articulate of the emotions, especially when it is deep</em></strong></a>." - Felix Frankfurter</div><div> </div><div>"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/a_person_however_learned_and_qualified_in_his/192363.html"><strong><em>A person however learned and qualified in his life's work in whom gratitude is absent, is devoid of that beauty of character which makes personality fragrant</em></strong></a>." - Hazrat Inyat Khan<br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151806883292431618" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP-RsgSDvaaC_3XXyQNAFGqvvU48YVYGLpI7Fn3KddpPMOyPSVkupQqqOr7QvBYxDJkTzo0jY-yEkhb9m8dclUoq73W7SJT3-finKK1ggxR1JNNl2nk8cbtGjUpaBB2DUbVaJh/s320/gratitude-candle-with-word-cropped%2520copy.jpg" border="0" /></div><div><br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151814824686961986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNSBJy1AUhytTa-xYQKVvnK__1-SMUNQiTRoPtN96yxY5HlMSAP0yIPzbCBCt2mqBJUBMvQAmGN6b-BtIKOt6yByGin-YT4TgsRhDsIVuF51Keyz4C5XhMgralmWfOt3enDXKp/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><div>My friends, I hope this doesn't turn into a mushy, gooey, sentimental entry, because my intention is to make it about as much alien to that as possible. </div><div> </div><div>A few short background items to put this story into some perspective. It involves other people, and I know I should have asked permission to quote them first, but you'll understand, I think, why I didn't. I hope and trust they do too. If not, I apologize.<br /></div><div>I have tried to apply the "pay-it-forward" approach to life as much as possible when I can, if I'm able. That was just the way I was brought up, and one of the lessons I've tried to hang onto. I particularly enjoy doing things anonymously when I can. I figure that way, the recipient will think the whole world did it! Mostly small, trivial, seemingly insignificant things. Buying lunch for the hithhiker who hasn't eaten in two days, and then giving him a few bucks to get a little further down the road. That sort of thing. Not intending this to sound like bragging, but I've had a lot of opportunities over the years to help a little here, a little there when I could. And, yeah, in a perverse sort of selfish way, it makes me feel good. But, truth be told, it wasn't until tonight that I've come to understand <strong><em>fully and totally</em></strong> <strong><em>and far beyond words</em></strong> what it's all about. </div></div><div><div></div><br /><div>It's being able to <strong><em>feel the emotion behind some words.</em></strong> What a mind trip that is, I tell you. Last summer, I saw an opportunity to help someone a little bit. I was able to at the time, and so I did. No big deal. Sure, I had a warm fuzzy tickle in my belly for a day or two, but then it was on to other things. </div><div></div><br /><div>I'm bipolar, for those readers who may not know. I'm also gay, but unable to accept it as part of my life. I have Menieres Disease, which is causing me to slowly go deaf, and causes me to stumble sometimes when I walk, and fall down occasionally. I could go on, but I won't. That's the reference to "self-pity" in the title of this blog. Sadly, I find myself doing that a lot. Sometimes I feel like I got dealt the worst hand in the game, and it's time I folded. I alluded in my last entry that last fall I was very sincerely considering my options, including suicide (the rate amongst bipolars is about 5 times higher than the normal population ----- not that I'm using that as an excuse, you understand --- just letting you know!). It wasn't the first time in my life, and I can't imagine it being the last.<br /></div><div>And so what was it that happened tonight to give me a sense of a feeling that I have never experienced before nearly to this depth? The person is an artist (extraordinaire, in my humble non-artistic view!), and had sent me a piece of their art as a "thank you". It is so beautiful, and it just blew me away. This is what it looks like (my cat's checking it out too!).<br /></div><div>Sorry about the flash reflection, but click on it to see some of the amazing detail, but honestly, this picture does not do the original much justice at all. </div><div> </div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151821426051695954" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixlBn1RNumerQbpcN2ooGlIPjJVdINoHPeAKu3OwpJs1bvZd4pDD-WTMGaPXYy02vUX-fAnoXD-wyxRsgtoO_E6W0KBuSUS-dbFmwIKAj9TG03NayNM_VEQCwH_JJ_9zAOi0UO/s320/Hippychics+art+002-reduced.JPG" border="0" /><br />.....and here's it's final "resting place", where I'll see it a thousand times a day.<br /><br /></div><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151821606440322402" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs_vQYhhTmsElQvZX6VNLzzpDr4YMnFZIi4Prwb2VYEjL433Umwvfvx-mZEGQJtc1YDRFsAVlPP78aQTkb4LELa5Wn1R-5ZopN0SbkNveEeus5ygq5nyTcUqcmoNW_CqaWQMeH/s320/Hippychics+art+006-reduced.JPG" border="0" /></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><div><br /><br /></div><p>And yes, the picture touched me in a thousand ways. I let the artist know I had received it (New Year's Eve incidentally), and sent a thank you e-mail. </p><p>Partly responding to my last blog, but also to my e-mail of thanks, here is an excerpt from the response I received this evening:</p><p>"<em>Now should you ever feel so alone as to contemplate the bad things - just look at it and remember balance and peace. See it and know that you are loved as a person, that you made the biggest difference in my life, the life of my family, the life of my children. You set in motion a chain of events that led me to fight against this disease of bipolar that we share, and fight hard to get out into the world and take a chance on myself. My kids see me fighting, and it has made them want to fight too. All for the good of course. They don't have to be lectured on the value of an education because they can see it in motion. For me, that "painting" has so much emotion in it, so much of a lesson in it, the good comes, the bad comes, but in it all there is balance. I love you.Thank YOU for giving me the gift of living life. You did that - yes you</em>!"</p><br /><div>There's nothing left to say. I am simply overwhelmed. I cried tonight. It felt good.</div><div> </div><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151824720291612034" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgocoXDAhdsxMkI4oNzVyAwKwXw9ehdtw_ppyI9q-o7qs0M5IFZuOMIvtI1FOTCxN8f-3rfXd8Clx9-iQvYqYNhcNZcC4LIybSElM_4YSiwo3ORuu0v9P75BiA4O63b4i2sH6Jv/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></p><p></p><p>I'm in a "stealing without asking" mood tonight, I guess. I have regularly been reading a blog called <a href="http://http//nichevo-gerrym0527.blogspot.com/">Nichevo</a> (click on the site name to pay him a visit). The author of that site is openly gay, but doesn't push it in your face. He's an intelligent activist. Most entries usually consist of an editorial or opinion piece, or "do you know what's happening" kind of entry, followed by a series of pictures of eye'candy supreme. So caution. If the sight of men bothers you, don't scroll into the pictures! Sometimes they're just gorgeous faces, sometimes shirtless, sometimes nude, sometimes copulating. But it is done with taste and thought. This is the first time I have ever openly recommended a gay site. And I think, partially at least, that there is something up above that has given me the courage to do so. I just can't figger out what it might be!!<br /></p><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151807175350207778" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn5AfUEU6sjt2T0u006tYHY58PUb72uE-edAacLMZZDK9yFw2lPgQQZ6B-d6jrGQCBxKZhe1ogjLcDZR7fmkvmnYcqIys3b6p8yO5G99vo6OS8wRaqfTjwQr21LarEQrMHVLIU/s320/l_2b752a0770a402db363983780bfddf72.jpg" border="0" /></p><br /><p>I got the following from one of his archived entries, and thought it belonged in this entry. Take the time to <strong><em>FEEL</em></strong> it. Trust me, my friends, it's an experience that is well worth it. </p><br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151806638479295730" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR53Jov24Ti6LfaeiShpuurRtprKhkIRpH6gJWoi19HQpVKgtpzwAPhFivbuCOVCFZInKpwoXzYto1F9BrPc8wSu0Pj4Gf0LkVwJMKgf0rWBPi80IK8UwnbVXhnrJJp1qkf2VV/s320/29b56ec1f6dc1a17e95adc4109840b23_gif.jpg" border="0" /></p><br /><p>'nuff said. </p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151828203510089106" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR57_L-MJVc5b9T8K7zH4vfDtQFudeXGiSmy01y2ms3dsBBjqECfi8B3hk3TCtxXX9LtN6hBvybizQ5vPtgapYD-LJ-CmkeNCwb8LyQDwG3m1swdn0p3eVZCgzZFKoDSYb6oMx/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151821773944046962" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh86iSSIDFBOv1ZDQmdYJ-PYnwYesEA5Mx9k3w_svz4qFixwqxq7PhJnPZN1sFEtj7DmF88n-uasrlcIUMIUZ-U1IP9lLf30kP3MmliZNKSgtH5o6VM6g_HaHLKvPRcjPHeQG9J/s320/Christmas-2007-Ricks-House-Edmonton+017.jpg" border="0" /></p><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5151808485315233074" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh2ag08s8WbjbAZmbxIbUgv4x2SgyJOeqFavISBXgREwI3bUE447v-yYVtF48R3jIfMCKE4maKtmBJSQJPe3GzyM-CinqmUfLMciLXVrY3CQYQ_zoB8xAae4APFtU0wqwMtPj6/s320/1311R-1286.jpg" border="0" /></p><p> </p><p>P.S. I had already started a draft for this current blog entry, and a part of it was going to thank you for all the kindnesses you have shown towards me in the comments of support and encouragement you have left on my blog over the past two years ---- especially in those times when I enter a depression cycle, and can't fight it alone. I had decided to give up blogging, and was doing a "so long and thanks for all the fish" kind of a thing.</p><p>Tonight, I changed my mind. </p><p>PEACE.</p>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-70847248124801383172007-12-24T21:13:00.000-07:002007-12-24T23:35:27.690-07:00To All My Christian And non-Christian Friends...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikCVKphMiw3GcxbJo4VaV2Ok1s8iT9-mVlJtSy2jzCdIDXI7CH7435IXtcANZiOklStMvZr9LH89rMb7m7J096eKSGrqsJ4FUxSmT7KteLZMycQWsk3lR9TuUwFntgBhY-qIlU/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147787347954156754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikCVKphMiw3GcxbJo4VaV2Ok1s8iT9-mVlJtSy2jzCdIDXI7CH7435IXtcANZiOklStMvZr9LH89rMb7m7J096eKSGrqsJ4FUxSmT7KteLZMycQWsk3lR9TuUwFntgBhY-qIlU/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></a><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/tradition_does_not_mean_that_the_living_are_dead/208650.html">Tradition does not mean that the living are dead, it means that the dead are living.</a>" - Harold Macmillan<br /><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/tradition_simply_means_that_we_need_to_end_what/193130.html">Tradition simply means that we need to end what began well and continue what is worth continuing</a>” - Jose Bergamin<br /><br /><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/what_an_enormous_magnifier_is_tradition-how_a/198488.html">What an enormous magnifier is tradition! How a thing grows in the human memory and in the human imagination, when love, worship, and all that lies in the human heart, is there to encourage it</a>” - Thomas Carlyle </div><div><br /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147762166560900018" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4D6onkZG8XvvnotBtnOS3qGVrhasoo7EkF2SLlWTs1pmyHX7GL4kJhjIvivOVi-mR_oD6MKE8mJWPa0alAeeVNnDtEZA8pKA9j-FZi2rnMA46ZdLRakb5522d02ndx7rn-_MO/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /> </div><div> </div><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i_heard_the_bells_on_christmas_day-their_old/152000.html">I heard the bells on Christmas Day; their old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet the word repeat of peace on earth, good-will to men!</a>” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow<br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/somehow-not_only_for_christmas_but_all_the_long/152001.html">Somehow, not only for Christmas but all the long year through, The joy that you give to others Is the joy that comes back to you. And the more you spend in blessing The poor and lonely and sad, The more of your heart's possessing Returns to you glad.</a>” - John Greenleaf Whittier </div><div><br /> </div><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/christmas-my_child-is_love_in_action-every_time/152211.html">Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas.</a>” - Dale Evans Rogers</div><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147762514453251010" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih2DeIre-jn12dWiAIcRMoaHbU9u_9K1WJ9w-qkh5Yl_QpHUbtweS9M4ZzfIdn2LDHTHhst1dU9Ayp1YTf9jyjoyi5bwydiujw6_HF3brwPLXwQx6u5qtH7CFzLDX-9GYXo7A8/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br />I was over at a friend's place the other day for supper, and we were doing some Christmas decorating. I had never thought of this before (strange as that may sound!), but it suddenly struck me that I have always "decorated" the way our family has traditionally decorated, and he wasn't doing it "my" way, curse him all to heck! Here was my epiphany, though. Not everyone decorates the way I do!! (duh!). I had to chuckle to myself when I realized what a simplistic and basic assumption that is, and how long it's lasted.<br /><div><br />So, my friends, I hope you have a holiday period with traditions that you have shared with families and friends over the years, even though for a lot of them, probably no one knows or even cares how they started. Maybe you might start a new one or two of your own...who knows? It occurred to me that we stick to tradition, in a sense, out of a gentle stubborness. It "connects" this special season to all the ones that have gone before, and all the generations yet to follow, and so they become a part of this year's celebrations and memories.</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>I'll be alone most of the day on the 25th, but I have been invited out for supper. And you know, this year that doesn't bother me one whit, whereas it has in the past (The old "woe is me" routine). This year, because I'm going to be much more conscious of our "traditions", my forebearers, their neighbours, my neighbours and friends, whoever, will be joining me because of the candles, the lights and decorations, and toddy by the fire Christmas Eve (as soon as I finish this!). I look forward to it with as much anticipation this year as I used to have as a small kid who simply couldn't wait for Christmas!<br /></div><div>Please understand, I don't mean this next part to be a downer...quite the opposite, although it easily could have been. What amazes and intrigues me now is that it was just about two or three months ago that I was very seriously and sincerely considering committing suicide (hence, partly, the drop-off in my blogs). Timing has a way of "interfering" (some call it "divine intervention"....I don't, but I understand why they do). Sometimes it's just karma or serendipity. Time to regain balance.<br /></div><div>And so, here we are, my extended "family". For those who base your direction and belief structure on your religion, my thought for you is:<br /><br /></div><div><strong><em>May God Grant You Peace And Grace This Season, And Through The New Year</em></strong>.<br /></div><div><br /> </div><div>Curiously enough, it just so happens that is also exactly the same thought I offer everyone else too. I've discovered that you don't have to "believe" in God, or be "religious" in order to allow yourself the occasional prayer or two when necessary. He's an understanding guy, after all!<br /></div><div> </div><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147763227417822162" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGXi8v0rqWpumoCS3bL5BJmnsgIPTgrd-qyFZvM3UhUS59Wkl7Te_nWM27t1LpqUzIjD3IxEeOBcf2HLlUMcUzjJzWjklwMmj1LA0SHi84O6APZa9otmhXVf6z3yZmmjekjQ8B/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /> </div><br /><div></div><div>Moving on, the pictures that follow are some that I took around my house (inside and out). Just wanted to share some of them with you. (Left click on pic to see it in a decent size)<br /><br /><div><em>First of all, some inside pics</em>:<br /><br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBqYN2g4xMTYL4FPX0fujbzzZdDzC1B8a_ff4fuxTuDSPRBzchr5FwtSs31tEJZSpIo4n54IX3NpuNy3F1nzYzzsQAllRFQsIphp9t4jKCDONTAlWQhLzZEZQJfU0Mc98w9s3D/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-3.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147770773675361266" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBqYN2g4xMTYL4FPX0fujbzzZdDzC1B8a_ff4fuxTuDSPRBzchr5FwtSs31tEJZSpIo4n54IX3NpuNy3F1nzYzzsQAllRFQsIphp9t4jKCDONTAlWQhLzZEZQJfU0Mc98w9s3D/s200/Rick-Christmas-3.JPG" border="0" /></a><br />My tree, and the Bethlehem star on the wall (you can't see it, but there's a creche on a shelf under the star, and also my cat is perched on the arm of the chesterfield beside the tree. She loves it there.)</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiCG6ck7fLxCh5MVQK4RkCM_O3l700XE6MX-kZy6NdERGk4gLMdysbixGqUAFRTJeI4cwP-5GVwq7g3CJ7iQEafAuiy24paBTZiSHWKARrTFk5KT6T460EPNnqle9JUkb1E8aF/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-24.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147783555498034338" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiCG6ck7fLxCh5MVQK4RkCM_O3l700XE6MX-kZy6NdERGk4gLMdysbixGqUAFRTJeI4cwP-5GVwq7g3CJ7iQEafAuiy24paBTZiSHWKARrTFk5KT6T460EPNnqle9JUkb1E8aF/s200/Rick-Christmas-24.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div>Here's a better shot of the creche I was talking about, the tree is to the immediate left. Actually, it's three trees: two form a kind of archway in my front picture window, and then I shoved the "traditional" tree into the arch, making it look like one humungous tree.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><div></div><div></div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc_KDrORuC46aY0yoz4OosGPAubrCFtcuUqfdAh8goReUEhgOv-YI16sNexdy5tXmqXQxIWgBS4GYDrF6pnvH48pQkdGP9hgihly_0Yoe_Z4Y8wO5wa0Z5KhxbfWs9bhUE9nLZ/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-5-edit.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147771628373853186" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc_KDrORuC46aY0yoz4OosGPAubrCFtcuUqfdAh8goReUEhgOv-YI16sNexdy5tXmqXQxIWgBS4GYDrF6pnvH48pQkdGP9hgihly_0Yoe_Z4Y8wO5wa0Z5KhxbfWs9bhUE9nLZ/s200/Rick-Christmas-5-edit.bmp" border="0" /></a>A small table decoration, with the red tablecloth that only comes out for Christmas!<br /></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK2w4jOuxgFEKUdwP4an-lwUzgzqgLC715h9uftQCFiNsIzDDWhKdx1IwHif35WRZYT2H0Mgp8NuM8Kmn1eoWuiWm06RuQT5gl1g0fHcuh18Yj6MfY5A7VoHKRAmZB4yAIPvtL/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-6.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147784350066984114" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK2w4jOuxgFEKUdwP4an-lwUzgzqgLC715h9uftQCFiNsIzDDWhKdx1IwHif35WRZYT2H0Mgp8NuM8Kmn1eoWuiWm06RuQT5gl1g0fHcuh18Yj6MfY5A7VoHKRAmZB4yAIPvtL/s200/Rick-Christmas-6.JPG" border="0" /></a>Do a 180 turn from the picture above, and this is what you'll see. It doesn't show very well, but there's a (huge!) garland on the railing, intertwined with mini-lights, and in case your curious, the "golden" wall with the picture is beside a half staircase leading to the family room with TV, stereo, fireplace, patio exit, etc.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwUCiW66vlvUXYMF8hSZ2vP5rwpTCzDJe5KexJ9q8ATng-bJjzYsDmHrmL_NUeLWwkT6oH0Lk6sXeonhD8sJ_Ab1mOA41sZUuGImFvhz_QlRKi0UARYNznbyKIi9U7Baj8Wjfm/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-14.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147772414352868370" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwUCiW66vlvUXYMF8hSZ2vP5rwpTCzDJe5KexJ9q8ATng-bJjzYsDmHrmL_NUeLWwkT6oH0Lk6sXeonhD8sJ_Ab1mOA41sZUuGImFvhz_QlRKi0UARYNznbyKIi9U7Baj8Wjfm/s200/Rick-Christmas-14.bmp" border="0" /></a></div><br /><div>My best "furry" friend in the whole world, perched on my polar bearskin rug, mesmerized by the fire. She loves it! She's in the family room that I mentioned above.</div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjABPlceu64uamX6xl3U4Grhyphenhyphen7svW-rjHGdYKgYo28HcH511hAn_Q4ZVVBB6l-nKyfLskg1_b4NPo33bKbLK-Fa_BhgwZBpq-jtiEsrhPiGZ0HBFh4y5Y6ij02VJP4Vt4NgsNwx/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-29.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147781515388568706" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjABPlceu64uamX6xl3U4Grhyphenhyphen7svW-rjHGdYKgYo28HcH511hAn_Q4ZVVBB6l-nKyfLskg1_b4NPo33bKbLK-Fa_BhgwZBpq-jtiEsrhPiGZ0HBFh4y5Y6ij02VJP4Vt4NgsNwx/s200/Rick-Christmas-29.bmp" border="0" /></a>Sorry......I couldn't resist!!!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div> </div><div>.......<em>and now for a few outdoor shots</em>:</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4YlBaFfTxW6xZHwYhWq5JzZ2-BQkwj_BcINFsjYBOUQDPHYUzH98fNF6E7_HOv4Y_1BUsQf_E7E0YxJcKChgI-u0-KkcASyUusoJ2uFp9obxxlzFoWmHInQasE0ISNiQCqA1w/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-16.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147773604058809378" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4YlBaFfTxW6xZHwYhWq5JzZ2-BQkwj_BcINFsjYBOUQDPHYUzH98fNF6E7_HOv4Y_1BUsQf_E7E0YxJcKChgI-u0-KkcASyUusoJ2uFp9obxxlzFoWmHInQasE0ISNiQCqA1w/s200/Rick-Christmas-16.bmp" border="0" /></a> Showing the outdoor lights and decorations (fairly standard, except tons of them...they don't nearly all show here!)<br /><br /></div></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div><br /> </div></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid29xMKwDWiqY6nQxsCzgN3QkOQFxLVWG8hDjkPZfXGZiFJgsVF3unt0-AfQ7CyRK7lB5to1d2bkBgDg6ZA8azj0ltbCwVh5_ciJvKMzMxAPJfMw-1-UivwwOs4H3psAq5de_y/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-17.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147778418717148258" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid29xMKwDWiqY6nQxsCzgN3QkOQFxLVWG8hDjkPZfXGZiFJgsVF3unt0-AfQ7CyRK7lB5to1d2bkBgDg6ZA8azj0ltbCwVh5_ciJvKMzMxAPJfMw-1-UivwwOs4H3psAq5de_y/s200/Rick-Christmas-17.JPG" border="0" /></a><br />A closeup of the sign I have attached on the front of my house, to one side of my garage door...you can sort of make it out in the picture above. It can clearly be seen from the street, and I have a spotlight shining on it too, just in case! I just finished painting it today! While putting it up, three people stopped who were driving by, and two pedestrians, and said essentially "Thanks for the reminder. That's really what modern Christmas should be about" (my words...but the general gist of the conversations. It made me feel great!)</div><br /><div><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjffuH7ORV0lV0UvyooII2ihB691Nd2vKioAGvWlPJo7G4pr5TsK2zfQofs_PPZwAZsFN8ooyB_9xjpchmbMrG4oA8-wb_VR3ui7N_GtwonhblT0iuAAT9ANID5U7ZNn-1SnDT1/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-21.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147778762314531954" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjffuH7ORV0lV0UvyooII2ihB691Nd2vKioAGvWlPJo7G4pr5TsK2zfQofs_PPZwAZsFN8ooyB_9xjpchmbMrG4oA8-wb_VR3ui7N_GtwonhblT0iuAAT9ANID5U7ZNn-1SnDT1/s200/Rick-Christmas-21.JPG" border="0" /></a>I thought this was a bit of an "artsy-fartsy" picture, looking at my inside tree while standing beside/under a humungous evergreen in my front yard. That's its trunk on the left.<br /></div><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div> </div><div><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivHzM3DhLOFvnkdG6rI5ubZWe5LlJNaluGZpRYYOXKBc_diMtTMfJ7tW_YXfLQf0dNFe7IoTK64VR8-6pP2gC_efRv3_IdWS-Iun75suxHyRZZv5D3oggl2xHji3u7lzERoE_U/s1600-h/Rick-Christmas-20.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147782571950523538" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; CURSOR: hand" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivHzM3DhLOFvnkdG6rI5ubZWe5LlJNaluGZpRYYOXKBc_diMtTMfJ7tW_YXfLQf0dNFe7IoTK64VR8-6pP2gC_efRv3_IdWS-Iun75suxHyRZZv5D3oggl2xHji3u7lzERoE_U/s200/Rick-Christmas-20.JPG" border="0" /></a><br />This one doesn't show up too well, but in the lower right you can see the front concrete steps to my house. The star (huge, of course!) is hanging on the garage wall, the lights on the right are twisted around the porch railing, and you can't see it here, but there's a lit wreath hanging on the front door as well. (I don't want to see my power bill this month!)</div><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147769257551905762" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiewrtmW1U8qE9JAF9jYtyiUwfsjeAp4dJGvx_qAMlT3XUuCyfWCjwBIUYvMu5MaRGX4j_F4tpzb1ghrp0Qr9Yqb09L2eDqLdqKsWD6WqKotHMh7mcdxFQuYhthDSFc7aem2Ukb/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><br />........and, of course, what would one of my blogs be without my standard "sign-off"?</div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5147787962134480098" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAmn5ndypPNe1dY4l82yMeB3MX2L8UjCRXi35tEe-bVai_lxCfU5UzNa8qSEnmhIwbkOUZD3fsdwuwu16Up9Zo2-3cZtI____yHbCeLqfjxims67dWkdehq_a5H-LPIH-ttbkp/s400/20041004-7467043004160873a4363d.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br /><div></div><center>PEACE, my friends, now......throughout next year.....and forever.</div><div>"All we are saying is....</div><div>Give Peace A Chance."</div><div>-John Lennon</div><div> </div><div></center><br /><br /></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-33070040654858560102007-12-09T00:39:00.000-07:002007-12-09T01:28:45.193-07:00In Memoriam - Dec. 8, 2007<strong><em>“</em></strong><a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/chapman-is-not-the-story-he-s-the-ending-of-the/750988.html"><strong><em>(Chapman) is not the story, ... He's the ending of the story, but he's not the story. The story is the 25 years of achievement that John Lennon managed, the music and poetry he left behind and the feeling of creation</em></strong>.</a>” - Larry Kane<br /><div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i_found_out_lennon_was_more_accessible/215301.html"><strong><em>I found out Lennon was more accessible</em></strong>.</a>” - Mark Chapman (Lennon's murderer)<br /></div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/i-just-shot-john-lennon/808484.html"><strong><em>I just shot John Lennon</em></strong>.</a>” - Mark Chapman<br /></div><div><br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141877028090016514" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglrp8ieU08vmU5eNV4oiW5xU8CQwgSWwj3GL1HKNIVUt1nTipkP7DB8OBl7El9yEBMCMig17ZBKAn3yht7OT_QYwa63RYEsIEDbN3tvlysyyCNV_f2jKFNAqz1YNMt6YMOzyq5/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /> [<em>It was 27 years ago, Dec. 8, John Lennon was shot to death outside his New York apartment. I loved the man and the artistry he produced in his lifetime. His music has continued the standard that Bob Dylan set for us back in the sixties. </em></div><div><em></em></div><div><em>Some people believe that everything happens for a reason. I think I even used to believe that once. Not anymore. This is evidence</em>. <em>There simply is no reason</em>.]</div><div></div><div>[<em>NOTE: If you are offended by certain combinations of letters, popularly known as the "four-letter words", you may just want to skip this posting. There is one 'naughty' in it towards the end</em>.]</div><br /><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141877242838381330" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnFXmz4IAuKcRXveL0Y7Flvpc7wdrBBjky4rV_Pr5r_jw70Luz61NoZ7UflV-Qgm7-rmfG3ssUJ533Ktnut4ucYNgYwSDo2KkFzSSML5yFkcezlESTzz3rwMSQRdfTkh4hd-i5/s320/John_Lennon.jpg" border="0" /></div><br /><br /><center>"IMAGINE"<br /></center><br /><br /><br /><p><br /><center>Imagine there's no Heaven </center><center>It's easy if you try</center><center>No hell below us</center><center>Above us only sky</center><center>Imagine all the people</center><center>Living for today</center><center></center><center></center><center>Imagine there's no countries</center><center>It isn't hard to do</center><center>Nothing to kill or die for</center><center>And no religion too</center><center>Imagine all the people</center><center>Living life in peace</center><center><br /><br /></center><center>You may say that I'm a dreamer</center><center>But I'm not the only one</center><center>I hope someday you'll join us</center><center>And the world will be as one</center><center><br /><br /></center><center>Imagine no possessions</center><center>I wonder if you can</center><center>No need for greed or hunger</center><center>A brotherhood of man</center><center>Imagine all the people</center><center>Sharing all the world</center><center><br /><br /></center><center>You may say that I'm a dreamer</center><center>But I'm not the only one</center><center>I hope someday you'll join us</center><center>And the world will live as one </center><center></center><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141879708149609266" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUsrd24UVG91Dv-XN3egBacfdN9lYz1JdF3r9EbTl9KQU-Nla31OHfyurwxIUwlzPYsCwX0827uVdkldpCZEGAnOP2SqWgGDgTRXBThEhdkTN9dNHRzM9MABCv6Jbj5M3EIA9S/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></p><p></p><p><center>"GIVE PEACE A CHANCE"</center><p></p><p></p><center><p>Ev'rybody's talking about</p><p>Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism</p><p>This-ism, that-ism</p><p>Isn't it the most</p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance</p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance</p><br /><p></p><br /><p>Ev'rybody's talking about</p><p>Ministers, Sinisters, Banisters and canisters,Bishops and Fishops and Rabbis and Pop eyes,</p><p>And bye bye, bye byes. </p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance</p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance</p><br /><p></p><br /><p>Let me tell you now</p><p>Ev'rybody's talking about</p><p>Revolution, Evolution, Mastication, Flagelolation, Regulations.Integrations, Meditations, United Nations, Congratulations</p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance</p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance</p><br /><p></p><br /><p>Oh Let's stick to it</p><p>Ev'rybody's talking about</p><p>John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary, Tommy smothers, Bob Dylan, Tommy Cooper, Derek Tayor, Norman Mailer, Alan Ginsberg, Hare Krishna,Hare Krishna</p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance</p><p>All we are saying is give peace a chance </p><br /><p></center></p><br /><br /><p></p><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141877539191124770" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhOEysBa1rufUr3yfUqA0QWv5uw1cIXew4rwrw6QZmIMR1y2k0gO1yFu2F9y9hOuCquisGA_M774H5QIiJzmtMX0yf78oPCkM6NBmtCDqX0RMsecrCrwnVxC0nKzqCZF0JajrD/s320/feb6c8e4-26f3-41c2-8d40-ffcc3d653547.jpg" border="0" /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141880850610910018" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbnpGzAi42x5tMX0ZgtkKmma3o2EIYGIq6zdKI-wBsczTDzxbQpgrEjFotm2JA9pN1VhK3jotmhyphenhypheneyMjnDnpE6yMF3gD6oP23QYch79dq51-OWETUU_XOzxL8T2Lp95ApIGz1c/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /> <center>John Lennon</center><center>Oct.9, 1940 - Dec. 8, 1980</center><center> </center><center>"Give Peace a Chance." </center><center> </center><center>Please.</center><center> </center><center>PEACE.</center><center> </center><br /><p></p>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-51281907046100615122007-12-08T13:13:00.000-07:002007-12-08T14:24:18.137-07:00Thoughts From A Manic Mind --- Part 8<div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/democracy_is_a_government_where_you_can_say_what/7208.html">Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.</a>” - anon</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/my_friend-if_i_could_give_you_one_thing_in_life/9823.html">My friend, if I could give you one thing in life, it would be the ability to see yourself as others see you, then you would realize what a truly special person you are...</a>” -anon</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/everyone_is_a_genius_at_least_once_a_year-the/13449.html">Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.</a>” -anon</div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1bvNB_1xdi0Tqbmyb0hXRp2WfCSb85dj0Qc9Jonknu_op9eKrBhpipT1sFzJWoSHuIUBFo9uxhNHU2Han949MVc5UrNX_sXesaB3glAyMXSJRksKGwsy_-_YmKYm8ATsAcB_b/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141710365494283906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1bvNB_1xdi0Tqbmyb0hXRp2WfCSb85dj0Qc9Jonknu_op9eKrBhpipT1sFzJWoSHuIUBFo9uxhNHU2Han949MVc5UrNX_sXesaB3glAyMXSJRksKGwsy_-_YmKYm8ATsAcB_b/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8slAG3-jOt6Btmv99kdfmKEJUvk1YNPtH5N1lv2OKqbkt6CVj5WwDNUJr4qWp2gOlJmpfgLIjc2i6PrlJmnLpLm1hT39mLC0zLk_kUVohqT0emp_9YbHqLWNh8DySpa43BJCu/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"></a></div><br /><br /><br /><div>[<em>For the short immediate future at least, I'm going to do a few more of these, then maybe get to the other topics. So, I'll be speaking out of 'both sides of my mouth/brain in this one.</em><br /><br /></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141715128613015202" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim_15FHbHn8VWgDjV3UTqnov5GX35YSkNFKVE5BtrnGpw3XqvGITeaDRV9QR-gHwUhLcP5NTiCgOy9Q_Y-aGtwTSemVrIW-vEc4h-F-CwG6eMRCHoSbKhpJobLRDFP5qT8SYFZ/s320/16164605.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div><em>What follows in this blog is just a collection of various thoughts I wrote down while in the hospital convinced that I had all the answers if I could only get someone to listen</em>! ] </div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>---------------------------------</div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><p>"The artist in every medium is simply the weaver of "what if's".</p><br /><br /><br /><p>-------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"A master teacher's job is to steer the learning of a master learner in order that the master teacher learns to teach the learner what he desires to learn, and not something the teacher wants him to know."</p><br /><br /><br /><p>-------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"Teach me how you learn by learning what I teach".</p><br /><br /><br /><p>-------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"The genius would say something that would clearly indicate that he could rationally distinguish between the reader's reality and his own, whereas the madman would say something clever like: "The genius would say something that would...."</p><br /><br /><br /><p>....the genius wrote, grinning madly to himself.</p><br /><br /><br /><p>--------------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"It was a hard book to follow at first, but once I got into it, it made a lot of sense."</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"Then why didn't you start 'into it' in the first place?" </p><br /><br /><br /><p>"Why didn't you start 'intuit' in the first place."</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"It seems you did, once you got 'intuit'".</p><br /><br /><br /><p>-------------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>Why don't we have a bipolar Olympics? Then, you could run two events simultaneously in the same arena, and be done in half the time, and at half the expense, with twice the fun. What could be wrong with that?</p><br /><br /><br /><p>-------------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"Let's all agree that Rick gets the first word, and we all know in advance that it will be 'tolerance'. "</p><br /><br /><br /><p>....and that is why Rick got to flip the football at the Grey Cup mental Olympics along with his hero Terry Fox. </p><br /><br /><br /><p>"I'm bipolar. I'm giving this circle of understanding back, in the hopes that it gives at least one 'normal, everyday' person a bit more insight into what they take for granted everyday. "</p><br /><br /><br /><p>------------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>"If you can imagine it, shouldn't that be enough? Isn't learning all about imagination when you get right down to it?</p><br /><br /><br /><p>-----------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>I wonder if court cases would be fairer if the judge assigned the lawyer and Crown Counsel and gave them a short, fixed time to be ready to present in court. Our system right now is a joke. Trying anything new would be an improvement.</p><br /><br /><br /><p>-----------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>Last fall, when you were called as a witness to that store robbery, how could you possibly testify? First, they have you swear under oath that you will "tell the whole truth...". That gives you a major conundrum, doesn't it Rick? Your word, your oath are the only things of any value that you own. And you don't know "the whole truth". Only the kid in the accused box knows the whole truth, and he ain't talking much. </p><br /><br /><br /><p>----------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>What is left over if you subtract IF from WHAT.</p><br /><br /><br /><p>Who's on First?</p><br /><br /><br /><p>---------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>I'm ALWAYS sending multiple, intertwined SIMULTANEOUS signals.</p><br /><br /><br /><p>HERE'S WHAT I NEED</p><br /><br /><br /><p>HERE'S WHAT I HAVE</p><br /><br /><br /><p>HERE'S WHAT I WANT</p><br /><br /><br /><p>OTHER</p><br /><br /><br /><p>ONE will be my FACT, one my PROBABLE, one my POSSIBLE and one my OTHER. I'll either arrange them in that order or RANDOM, but you won't know which. You assign one of each to YOUR fact and so on. Are we compatible? Do we match? Do we belong in the same body?</p><br /><br /><br /><p>------------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>My blogging goal should be to write a blog that is so contrary with itself that every word could be taken in at least two different ways depending on the context in which the reader puts it. Can you do it? </p><br /><br /><br /><p>-----------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>Fight your four most ________________ battles (fill in the blank yourself. It's your life, after all).</p><br /><br /><br /><p>----------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>You know how they say "If you had a brain you'd be dangerous". </p><br /><br /><br /><p>What if I had two brains (stored in the same physical receptacle in my head, of course). OK. Now What?</p><br /><br /><br /><p>WHAT IF THEY BOTH HAD EXACTLY THE SAME THOUGHT AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME? Is that how one-brained people function?</p><br /><br /><br /><p>---------------------------------</p><br /><br /><br /><p>FEEL the sound of music, don't listen to it.</p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5141713152928059026" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVOKNHUsNYwjhOQhlkcAsxgli61LBkaRKE2Uv3J0UgBQg0di_DLrSNhWIwpvZKZgxy9w60BelN2FVahW5UWmn9O0-vdaBaTp-xnMdB-XRRnlW_zcwFhA25ZpQ8Dlj63aR1sOno/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><br /><p></p>PEACE.<br /><br /><p></p></div><br /><br /><div><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><p></p><br /><br /><br /><p></p></div></div>Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-7535627166669553072007-11-30T21:55:00.000-07:002007-11-30T23:04:52.674-07:00We Interrupt This Series To Bring You.........in a word, <strong><em>frustration</em></strong>!!<br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/consult_not_your_fears_but_your_hopes_and_your/8220.html">Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do</a>." - Pope John XXIII<br /><br />"<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/people_need_trouble-a_little_frustration_to/332902.html">People need trouble -- a little frustration to sharpen the spirit on, toughen it. Artists do; I don't mean you need to live in a rat hole or gutter, but you have to learn fortitude, endurance. Only vegetables are happy</a>." - William Faulkner<br /><br />“<a class="sqq" href="http://en.thinkexist.com/quotation/to_live_for_results_would_be_to_sentence_myself/339170.html">To live for results would be to sentence myself to continuous frustration. My only sure reward is in my actions and not from them.</a>” - Hugh Prather<br /><br /><br /><br />Sorry, folks! It seems like I'm taking another hiatus, I suspect, but that's not true! It's my (fill-in-the-blank-with-a-really-nasty-adjective-here) computer that is causing me nothing but grief.<br /><br />F'rinstance, I can't reach some of your sites (including yours, Matty). I keep getting the error page saying the page can't be found. I've tried countless times to leave comments on various blogs, and have been unable to (my computer either freezes, or the comment spins off into endless cyber-space somewhere!).<br /><br />You'll notice the quotes above are hotlinks, but they've never been before. That's because it's the way they "copied over" from the site where I get the quotes, and I spent about an hour trying to figure a way to just make them like I always have. No luck.<br /><br />You'll notice that my pretty little separator line of leaves isn't in this blog. I know I can just copy the code from an earleir blog and paste it here (or can I, given the quote problem?!!), but dammit, I shouldn't have to do that! Anytime I try to add a picture, I get the window that informs me that my image has been successfully added, and as soon as I click "done" it'll be added to my blog. Problem is, the blue word "Done" that I need to click on never shows up, so all I can do is close that window without uploading the pic. AAAARRRRGGGHHH!<br /><br />I'm in the "compose" window now, and normally I capitalize and italicize the quotes. Can no do today. You see, there's an information bubble sitting over top of the "italic" and "bold" buttons, telling me that Blogger now saves drafts automatically. Sure, there's a little 'x' on the bubble, presumably to let me close it to get at what's underneath. Not so, it won't close.<br /><br />When I try to "save Now" a draft, in order to come back and finish it off later, it's nowhere to be found in my draft list when I come back later.<br /><br />When I try to sign on, I always get a message saying a certain class is not supported. Bloger also tells me occasionally that my cookies are disabled, and then I immediately sign on a second time without changing anything, and it works fine.<br /><br />Most things, I have to click on twice to activate them. i.e. the "run" arrow on a video clip, or the "add a comment" link on a blog.<br /><br />All new windows (i.e. mail, internet, etc) that I open, open as windows that take up only about an eigth of the screen, and I always have to hit the "maximize" button. Didn't used to have to do that.<br /><br />When I shut down at the end of the day, and I get the message "Windows is now shutting down...". Well, a lot of the time "uh-uh"! It just freezes. Ctl-Alt-Del does nothing, none of the function keys do anything. The only "cure" so far that I've found is to pull the plug, and I'm sure that's probably not too much good!<br /><br />There are literally dozens of things I'd like to learn, and have been keeping a list, but I'm not much good at on-line help systems. I find them ambiguous, and they spin you off in dead-end searches unless you know exactly the problem you're trying to solve (and that's often the problem...you don't know, that's why you're in "help".!).<br /><br />...and just out of curiosity, howcum I occasionally get replicate copies of pics which I've saved get automatically generated, and automatically named "copy of .....". Sometimes, they actually are a copy of the same picture on the same file, sometimes they're unique. Sometimes, it gets to be just too much for me to deal with!<br /><br />As usual, I babble here, but I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still here. I'm just temporarily (I hope) so far above my frustration level, that it's not worth the angst!<br /><br />Whew! It's good to get that out!<br /><br />(P.S. Mackey, special props for your blog of the 28th about not judging people. It is so hard to do, but it's the only thing that's going to work in the long run, if anything is. And you're also right in saying that sometimes, those folks want to tell their story. Many times, instead of handing a dollar to a panhandler or street person, I'll take them for lunch and a bit of a visit. Mostly I ask a few "prompting" questions, and then just listen; the stories usually start to flow. On a couple occasions, they were "ready enough" that I was able to take them into AADAC and hope that they could get started on a program. I guess what I'm trying to say is the same thing you say so well. Treat everyone with dignity and respect. You might not approve of a person's actions, so go ahead and judge the actions, but no one ever has the right to judge another person. Sure, we all do it, but with on-going reminders like yours, and as Red says in his comment, naive as it sounds you CAN (and I believe MUST) change the world. Your corner of it. Even if it's only one other person, and even if it's just small or perhaps even unknown.<br /><br />Preachy, today, aren't I? I was contemplating interrupting or discontinuing my current series of blogs anyway. Three main reasons: 1) I'm not convinced anyone really cares! 2) I have a couple new (somewhat controversial) topics I wanted to raise, mostly to get a discussion going. 3) I'm finding that re-living some parts of that period of my life by re-reading some of these notes is quite painful...more so than I at first thought. I still don't know if I should just destroy them, or if this re-reading is cathartic and a twisted form of self-introspection! For the time being, I'm going to keep on. My compromise is that I'm shredding most of them AFTER I read them one last time!<br /><br />Anyway.....<br /><br />Peace to y'all<br /><br />Take careEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-18940806266250476522007-11-19T16:18:00.000-07:002007-11-19T17:38:24.311-07:00Thoughts Of Manic Mind --- Part 7<div>[<strong>NOTE</strong>: <em>Part of the reason that this entry has been delayed is because I have four specific, fairly serious, topics that I think I want to blog about sometime. I was debating whether or not I would, and whether or not I would interrupt my present "serial" on the Manic Mind in order to chat about them with you. I've decided that I'm going to keep on the "beaten track" for awhile longer, anyway]</em>.<br /><br />"<strong><em>I don't know what other singers feel when they articulate lyrics, but being an 18-karat manic-depressive and having lived a life of violent emotional contradictions, I have an over acute capacity for sadness as well as elation</em></strong>." - Frank Sinatra<br /><br />"<strong><em>Typically, they present a more complicated picture of bipolar disorder, so that they have more commonly than not mixed episodes or co-occurring manic and depressive symptoms</em></strong>." - Melissa DelBello<br /><br />“<strong><em>After leaving Evanescence, I dealt with a lot of sh--, then being diagnosed as bipolar, and my heavy drug use and rehab ... this record went through all that with me, so making it was a complete catharsis, ... I'm focusing on me and getting the unhealthy things out of my life, which isn't always an easy thing to do, but that's been my main focus right now. I'm still on a journey, you know, but I'm a lot happier now. I can sleep easier</em></strong>.” - Ben Moody<br /><br />“<strong><em>Most of our clients are suicidal, psychotic, bipolar, schizophrenic or sex offenders. They make an income of less than $3,000 a year and have been kicked off welfare. They need medicine, but cannot afford it. Many have been abused or in prison and have been addicted to crack and alcohol</em></strong>.” - Connie Wilson </div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div>[<strong>NOTE</strong>: <em>The fourth quote is a "bonus" quote today. It shook me to the core. That's how we treat our sick and our needy, folks. And I'm potentially one of them. All I can say is "Why</em>?" <em>and "I'm scared</em>."]</div><br /><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5134701988831368290" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitNmGnoYIwArRgL4GwLLwlbagkRfXymItLgklERvbHrCqXqF9Qzzc4glFr3yYl_agq9LtKhOrTs0A7zo_SM5C3lMWehiXLmPzCizmBM6WslL2hg9k1MKG1jZ5On12A8NnV5kSg/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" /><br /><br /><div>[<em>Carrying on with some of the random thoughts that went through my head, and ended up being written down</em>.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><em>Continuing from previous blog</em>.]</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"You can't control the wind, but you can set your sails."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Some things you can't control, so you let them go and see where YOU end up."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"I forget the freedoms I withhold from myself, depending on where I am."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Don't step on anyone's mind." </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Randomness is the key to organization." </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Am I bipolar?" I asked that question on my dictaphone tape BEFORE I was diagnosed. I didn't know what bipolar meant then. How do things like that happen?" [<strong>NOTE</strong>: <em>In addition to writing all these notes, I dictated about 8 tapes worth of stuff, because I couldn't write fast enough to keep up with my thoughts</em>!]</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"This is so bizarre. At this moment, I am remembering my ENTIRE life so far, word for word."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"How do I do "real" in imitation of itself?"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Out of chaos comes the order.</div><br /><div>Put them in order.</div><br /><div>That's an order.</div><br /><div>Which kind?</div><br /><div>Alphabetic, or "do it now?"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>How do you RE-think something if it's already been thought? Is the re-think the same thought?</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"All politicians have to do is pretend that they're someone else. If we could do that, man, we could change the world."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Here I was, always throwing pebbles in the stream trying to make a difference. The ripples measured how long that difference would last. I have just recently discovered that, all this time, I should have been studying the stone that was in my hand."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Be better than you used to be."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"In education, we shouldn't spend so much time arguing over what the pass mark should be, and spend our time discussing what the success mark should be."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"When God laughed, He knew He had it right."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"When does a child's point of view become an adult's point of view? When do adults understand that?"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"I want to invent a new concept called an 'intelligence molecule'. It would be a 'figment' attached onto individual problems/thoughts/situations. "</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"White, black.</div><br /><div>They are co-joined.</div><br /><div>You can't have one</div><br /><div>without the other.</div><br /><div>You can't havejust</div><br /><div>one side of a piece of paper. </div><br /><div>I've had the rare privilege</div><br /><div>of exploring</div><br /><div>and living in both of my sides.</div><br /><div>Sometimes separately,</div><br /><div>often together. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I doubt many will understand this, </div><br /><div>but I write down these thoughts</div><br /><div>just in case there is someone.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Just in case."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Have you ever wanted to be someone else? I'd like to try Porky Pig. I never wanted to be anyone else. </div><br /><div>Why is is such a crime for someone to take the time and interest and enery to create their own belief system instead of buying one of the existing, mass-marketed ones? "</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Owning your burden is half the problem."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Everybody's usually somewhere else."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"What if, tomorrow, everyone started with the premise that we simply IMAGINE our own existence? What implication would that have?"</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"I am the centre of my personal universe and you, yours. I don't mean physical or solar universe --- but soular. </div><br /><div>None are coincidental, but many overlap. "</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"It's just as hard to be yourself no matter who you are."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"Existence can't exist without me being a part of it. Otherwise, my existence never happened."</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>"The PAST doesn't exist.</div><br /><div>It is only remembered.</div><br /><div>The FUTURE doesn't exist.</div><br /><div>It is only anticipated.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>NOW divides them but TIME changes NOW so constantly that NOW doesn't exist either. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>What is existence?"</div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh3ebfHkByTB_vo4wCxvT0SkzGsBiaprR2Lo_hYTW6v7mD_-gVI7MpmNhgbNcNT9eP4QxkINSUXXyU6U3cxKpqohS1LrVEv6dRFggcHt-B6l9PEIGPsfuDQdX04JWq9GrHCRZT/s1600-h/WWJT.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5134713885890778226" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: hand; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgh3ebfHkByTB_vo4wCxvT0SkzGsBiaprR2Lo_hYTW6v7mD_-gVI7MpmNhgbNcNT9eP4QxkINSUXXyU6U3cxKpqohS1LrVEv6dRFggcHt-B6l9PEIGPsfuDQdX04JWq9GrHCRZT/s320/WWJT.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />PEACEEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-19102054413865292522007-11-08T17:42:00.000-07:002007-11-08T19:08:43.230-07:00Thoughts Of A Manic Mind .... Part 6"<em><strong>The evils of government are directly proportional to the tolerance of the people</strong></em>." - anon<br /><br />"<em><strong>Why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world--to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want</strong></em>." - Ayn Rand<br /><br />"<em><strong>To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know?</strong></em>” - Socrates<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZBgguWHRhhSgiHW5LCdbFldDVxtuI-JorE5JiYsDnYaxT8wCYdACSGmymHx5ygyOpit8ZrHJLZE6SMfdVj32ls232teKjIvbbMj1RkfhFkpRkShaeC9nx1X_PdmUu0L-4fpf/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZBgguWHRhhSgiHW5LCdbFldDVxtuI-JorE5JiYsDnYaxT8wCYdACSGmymHx5ygyOpit8ZrHJLZE6SMfdVj32ls232teKjIvbbMj1RkfhFkpRkShaeC9nx1X_PdmUu0L-4fpf/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130644898527774834" /></a><br /><br />[<em>You may find this entry a bit disturbing, as not only does it use foul language, but it skirts the issue of suicide.....a topic I will most likely return to later. It is a very real topic for me. I believe I read somewhere that the rate of suicides amongst bipolars is 5 times the average. That cuts the odds a bit!</em>.]<br /><br />[<em>This entry reads a little "herky-jerky". It's from sheets that had incomplete thoughts, but I couldn't write as fast as my brain was thinking, so there are gaps. Some of it may not make much sense as a result. They are marked as being written on Apr 16, 2003, which was right in the midle of my first major manic attack, but before I got to the hospital.<br /><br />Finally, I want to say here that I hope my posting about "The Adventure" will appear shortly, but it's something new about me that none of you know. Another layer to peel away, and like all of them, it's likely to be fairly painful. All I can do is hope you'll either bear with me, or stop reading. I'm simply hoping you won't judge me</em>.]<br /><br />[<em>continued from previous post</em>]<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZBgguWHRhhSgiHW5LCdbFldDVxtuI-JorE5JiYsDnYaxT8wCYdACSGmymHx5ygyOpit8ZrHJLZE6SMfdVj32ls232teKjIvbbMj1RkfhFkpRkShaeC9nx1X_PdmUu0L-4fpf/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZBgguWHRhhSgiHW5LCdbFldDVxtuI-JorE5JiYsDnYaxT8wCYdACSGmymHx5ygyOpit8ZrHJLZE6SMfdVj32ls232teKjIvbbMj1RkfhFkpRkShaeC9nx1X_PdmUu0L-4fpf/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130644898527774834" /></a><br /><br /> ------<br /><br />All we can really hope for, I suppose, is that anything we learn doesn't leave us with as many answers as it does new or different questions. It's those questions that guide the trip. It'd be miserable if we ran out of new questions to answer. <br /><br /> ------<br /><br />When you look at both the white side and the dark side simultaneously, that's when you can see the devil inside. (INXS wrote a song about that, didn't they?)<br />Destroying demons is good.<br />Killing people is bad. <br />What's the difference? It's still killing.<br /><br /> ------<br /><br />Sometimes truth defies reason.<br /><br /> -------<br /><br />We all want our "death time" to be a surprise. It'd most likely be so much easier to take. But what of those of us who will likely end our own existence at some point? Will we be as surprised?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDVoekNlu8gELyQFKChL0S1o8Jze2uX_Mgn6ytswomH0GuBCKH3uFEYSYW9hzDfbEPgCxsu6Oj7AJn1yIK-Hc3kaQNRenxTfe3oJJNorgWWbu0WL9iYRkXA6OfcY9t1qE_k2b3/s1600-h/Suicide-brainart2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDVoekNlu8gELyQFKChL0S1o8Jze2uX_Mgn6ytswomH0GuBCKH3uFEYSYW9hzDfbEPgCxsu6Oj7AJn1yIK-Hc3kaQNRenxTfe3oJJNorgWWbu0WL9iYRkXA6OfcY9t1qE_k2b3/s320/Suicide-brainart2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130654240081643650" /></a><br /><br /> ------<br /><br />The violent sublety of being forced to watch someone have their head cut off. "I like to watch", is a famous line from the movie "Being There", with Peter Sellers. Am I losing control of my path choices here?<br /><br /> -------<br /><br />By giving myself to your trust, I'm freeing myself from me.<br /><br />Another HOL-EEEE FUCK movie!! They ALL have a hologram of the message of existence. (post-it note) Have a discussion with yourself on selective perception and place of existence. PRIOR to watching this movie, I had all these thoughts. Now I'm seeing them again in visual form. This is freaking me out. <br /><br />Now, within 12 hours, I'm moving to the next level "VOICE CONTACT".<br /><br /> -------<br /><br />This game has created its own new fear --- "fear of playing the game."<br />And the circle is complete. <br />The game consumes the victim who destroys the game, which....<br /><br />Ground Hog Day...great movie, repeats till you get it right. <br /><br />How would I know that when I wrote that, that I would see this movie and need that thought to complete this one.<br /><br />Gestalt.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZBgguWHRhhSgiHW5LCdbFldDVxtuI-JorE5JiYsDnYaxT8wCYdACSGmymHx5ygyOpit8ZrHJLZE6SMfdVj32ls232teKjIvbbMj1RkfhFkpRkShaeC9nx1X_PdmUu0L-4fpf/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrZBgguWHRhhSgiHW5LCdbFldDVxtuI-JorE5JiYsDnYaxT8wCYdACSGmymHx5ygyOpit8ZrHJLZE6SMfdVj32ls232teKjIvbbMj1RkfhFkpRkShaeC9nx1X_PdmUu0L-4fpf/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5130644898527774834" /></a><br /><br /><strong>THIS IS BRILLIANT, DOCTOR!</strong><br /><br />Perhaps I've just invented a new form of sychotherapy. <br /><br />Maybe I REALLY AM CRAZY, but I'm SELF-ANALYZING MYSELF BETTER BY <strong>FORCING</strong> MYSELF TO SEE MY PAIN IN <strong>EVERY</strong> INPUT THAT I HAVE (i.e. movie-watching, brain-talking, writing, pot-induced thoughts and combined ideas from mixing any combination of source of ideas). <br /><br />Basically, we're building a big box in the ground. <br /><br />BURIAL!!<br /><br />Getting rid of demons!<br /><br />HOL----EEEE FUCK!!<br /><br />That probably explains why my absolute greatest fear is to be buried alive. That's where we put all the demons. <br /><br />I'm afraid of you.<br /><br /> ------------<br /><br />PEACE.Evydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8434925.post-63041498705907860842007-11-01T05:36:00.000-06:002007-11-01T14:31:58.283-06:00Thoughts Of A Manic Mind....Part 5"<em><strong>Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history</strong></em>.” - Plato<br /><br />“<em><strong>Perhaps no person can be a poet, or can even enjoy poetry, without a certain unsoundness of mind</strong></em>.” - Thomas Babbington Macauley<br /><br />“<em><strong>The essence of poetry is will and passion</strong></em>.” - William Hazlitt<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_2QLxPCqp3n5sJ4ukr6x4Ipz-5HYZg0G4GEgk7Lu_GJwanCtk-wrttYVm4aDylWRwM2UukQ3V4KoMuTUqCb3tQJqeQ5iqEMbSXiJKl1DCwWw_2cjPgyFo1D97ztHwgBrc7uwf/s1600-h/event048oHALLOWEEN.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_2QLxPCqp3n5sJ4ukr6x4Ipz-5HYZg0G4GEgk7Lu_GJwanCtk-wrttYVm4aDylWRwM2UukQ3V4KoMuTUqCb3tQJqeQ5iqEMbSXiJKl1DCwWw_2cjPgyFo1D97ztHwgBrc7uwf/s320/event048oHALLOWEEN.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127958220579892418" /></a><br /><br />Well, what are y'all doing with all that leftover pumpkin. A challenge here to see who can be the most creative with their "disposal" techniques).<br /><br />[NOTE: <em>This carries on from the previous post</em>.]<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127839103956905106" /></a><br /><br />[<em>The following was written on Dec. 22, 2004...just 3 days before I entered the hospital for my third and (hopefully!) final visit</em>]<br /><br /> -----<br /><br />Try your hand at poetry:<br /><br /> ------<br /><br />Inside my head, I gaze with my eye, <br />Not knowing if I'm using body or mind.<br />My body has outward eyes looking out for me,<br />from me<br /><br />But what do they see?<br /><br />My mind has inward eyes, my mind's eye, <br />Looking in at me, to me.<br /><br />But do I have the insight to interpret <br />what I see out?<br /><br />Outside my head, I gaze back at myself<br />through images from my head,<br /> from a mirror,<br />from others?<br /><br />Where am I? Inside out? or outside in?<br /><br />Who am I? Their reflection of me?<br /> or my creation of my imagined self.<br /><br />Or my own creation?<br /><br />[<em>You can judge if it's "poetry" or not. At the time, at least, I thought and sure felt that it was! But in either case, I think it delivered the message I wanted to get across to us". (It was one half of brain "talking" to the other half during the writing of this</em>.]<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127839103956905106" /></a><br /><br />Has there ever been a conversation with God that there hasn't been before?<br /><br />I wonder if people who pray to God to answer their prayers ever stop long enough to listen and see if maybe God is praying back at them to answer his prayers?<br /><br />How would you be able to <em><strong>tell</strong></em>?<br />Without pretending you spoke with the voice of God?<br /><br />How would you even be able to recognize his Voice in the first place? <br /><br />Why, when "crazy" people claim they're talking to God, nobody ever eavesdrops...just in case. What if they're not crazy?<br /><br />Can "NOT-CRAZY" people have crazy thoughts and act crazy without <em>being</em> crazy?<br /><br />If so, where do you draw the line between crazy and not-crazy; and why should my line have to be the same as your line? <br /><br />And why should either of us care?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127839103956905106" /></a><br /><br />Tolerance vs. Understanding<br /><br />I wouldn't expect a heterosexual human body to be able to <em>understand</em> what it's like to be ensconced in a gay body, but I ask for tolerance. After all, I don't understand what it's like to be in a heterosexual body, but I'm willing to <em>tolerate</em> you.<br /><br /> -----<br /><br />These kinds of things are fun to befuddle about!<br />(I like the wording).<br /><br />fricking. One of those words that has it's own melody --- like 'gargle'.<br /><br /> ----<br /><br />Black is the absence of all colour (white is composite of all colours).<br /><br />Is it possible to conceive of a concept that represents the absence of absolutely everything that could conceivably or inconceivably be connected to it? <br /><br />If so, does the mere knowledge of <em>exisence</em> of such a concept negate the concept itself, since there is not another <em>anything</em> that needs it. Ever.<br /><br />Have I just conceived (created?) such a concept by thinking about it?<br /><br />Does it now contradict itself?<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s1600-h/leaf_line.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7JjI3bViAW2t0EDNPbx4YUxpb0kbHCNym3OBFXUm-JcaJyFtt2NKHqFVXXBtVYvMn8Vas-E5G0SN7W-cF1hS3xg45vf1Go3F49s297_eG8X6W1BqUfqSnEn4P6CMeQvhsiuFr/s320/leaf_line.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5127839103956905106" /></a><br /><br />Silence.<br /><br />A story of threat of trust. <br /><br />The teacher first answered, "It's a given. It doesn't get questioned (religion, faith, belief, principle). Whaddya think?" He started anticipating. <br /><br />"Your turn," he said, expecting of course that he would hear the same question he had just anticipated in his mind that his student would utter. He had put himself in his student's mocassins and tried to anticipate what his <em>perfect student</em> would answer. <br /><br />Quickly, I went through how I would illustrate that I had heard the lesson, so I could match his response to mine, so that if they're different I could ask him to explain why.<br /><br />He got it wrong, so that I could learn from him.<br /><br />And as I brought my attention back to his answer, and quickly realizing how well he had done, I acknowledged his wisdom and said "Thank you! Well Done!" <br /><br /> ...when I realized that he had said nothing. Then I added:<br /><br />"Your turn, Andre."<br /><br />And he smiled and he said, "I'm glad you understand my lesson, master. Now, let me continue because this time I have something to say."<br /><br />And we continued into the evening, student teaching teacher teaching student. <br /><br />That's how it should be. <br /><br />[<em>As I wrote this last one, I was developing a plan for how the <strong>perfect</strong> school system would operate. I find it interesting that halfway through I switch to using "I", and drop out of the third person "he" story. I remember also as I wrote this of wanting to include a demonstration of the perfect teacher who would be employed at this school</em>.]<br /><br /> -----<br /><br /> PEACEEvydensehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09412767774952181552noreply@blogger.com4