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While I'm In The Mood

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” - Albert Einstein

Envy is as persistent as memory, as intractable as a head cold.” - Harry Stein

“....the most persistent principles of the universe [are] accident and error.” - Frank Herbert

Today, it's not a list of things I wonder about, so much as it is a collection of a few suggestions and thoughts I've had over the years. (Ah, the Abe Lincoln in me must confess that these are not original. I can only wish!).

1. If you ever fall off the Empire State Building, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

2. To me, boxing is like ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

3. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time.

4. Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

5. To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

6. I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

7. As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasureable --- until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!

8. Once, when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, "Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know."
He started telling his story, about the treasure, his life and all, and I thought: "This story isn't too long." But then, he kept going, and I started thinking: "Uh-oh, this story is getting long." But then, the story was over, and I said to myself: "You know, that story wasn't too long after all."
I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long though.

9. Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

10. I guess of all my uncles, I like Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.

Have a great, safe and fulfilling weekend everybody.


...or was it George Washington? Yeah, I think it was.

word verif: vnmomfyk

Use your own imagination, you're not hearing mine!

#1 and #5 made laugh all over again.

Those were great "Jack Handy" bits. I have always loved the one about the Empire State Building!

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  • I'm Evydense
  • From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
  • And I'm tired of living in the shadow of narrow-mindedness and ignorance. So here's the fax, Jack! "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred and sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." - Lynne Lavner*** I'm confused; curious; satisfied; realistically resigned to being a frustrated idealist; usually at peace with myself, but not always. Amazed at how little I know, and wondering how much I need to understand.
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