I guess I should have paid more attantion to that blurb that I included in my blog the other day about the bumps evening out with the good times.

It's been a rather rocky week for me from my perspective, but when I read about what JJ and Oliviah and others are facing....well, I just don't have anything to post here about it.

I have always tended to withdraw into my shell, shed a lot of tears, try to pick up the pieces and carry on. Mostly because I've been a loner all my life.

I'm guessing that most of you know that I have been spending inordinate amouts of time sorting through the accumlation of my life.....dozens and dozens and dozen of boxes of it.

About a week ago, I came across some correspondence from a very painful time in my life. I thought I had resolved it all and put it behind me as a "lesson of life", but apparently not. That was the trigger, I suppose, that sent me on a bit of a downward spiral.

Then I realized I'm now taking 25 pills a day. That's just sick! (pun intended). I hate having to start each day and end each day by swallowing chemicals that I don't have a clue what they mean to me.

And then there's the Menieres Disease. It's major symptoms are loss of balance, violently intense vertigo spells, random vomiting, and hearing loss. There is no cure. Awhile back, I went throught the vomiting stage (I'd carry a pan around with me all day, because the episodes would come on that fast). I have developed a severe tremor in my hands which makes it very difficult to write or eat (without the food falling off the fork or spoon), and I have great difficulty walking without stumbling...I always try to make sure there's a railing or wall to grab onto if I need to. Two days ago, I was down sorting stuff again, and I totally lost my balance and fell over on top of the boxes because there was nothing to grab. I cried for awhile....because I got a few bruises, but out of self-pity mostly.

I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday, and he's put me on a three-day fast, followed by a three-day special diet to determine if I have any kind of prostate cancer or cancer in my bowel. I fully understand that every male over 50 should have the test done, and I'm fully expecting a clean bill of health, it was just him mentioning the word 'cancer' after all this week's mishaps that sent me over the edge. I cried.

And, oh yeah, I'm bipolar and gay too.

So I just wanted a few days off. Hope you all understand. I'm truly not seeking the 'sympathy' vote. I just wanted to clear the air and expain my absence.

Cheers

Rick

Posted by Evydense on Thursday, October 26, 2006 at 2:45 p.m. | Permalink