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I apologize, if apologies are necessary

I guess I should have paid more attantion to that blurb that I included in my blog the other day about the bumps evening out with the good times.

It's been a rather rocky week for me from my perspective, but when I read about what JJ and Oliviah and others are facing....well, I just don't have anything to post here about it.

I have always tended to withdraw into my shell, shed a lot of tears, try to pick up the pieces and carry on. Mostly because I've been a loner all my life.

I'm guessing that most of you know that I have been spending inordinate amouts of time sorting through the accumlation of my life.....dozens and dozens and dozen of boxes of it.

About a week ago, I came across some correspondence from a very painful time in my life. I thought I had resolved it all and put it behind me as a "lesson of life", but apparently not. That was the trigger, I suppose, that sent me on a bit of a downward spiral.

Then I realized I'm now taking 25 pills a day. That's just sick! (pun intended). I hate having to start each day and end each day by swallowing chemicals that I don't have a clue what they mean to me.

And then there's the Menieres Disease. It's major symptoms are loss of balance, violently intense vertigo spells, random vomiting, and hearing loss. There is no cure. Awhile back, I went throught the vomiting stage (I'd carry a pan around with me all day, because the episodes would come on that fast). I have developed a severe tremor in my hands which makes it very difficult to write or eat (without the food falling off the fork or spoon), and I have great difficulty walking without stumbling...I always try to make sure there's a railing or wall to grab onto if I need to. Two days ago, I was down sorting stuff again, and I totally lost my balance and fell over on top of the boxes because there was nothing to grab. I cried for awhile....because I got a few bruises, but out of self-pity mostly.

I had an appointment with my doctor yesterday, and he's put me on a three-day fast, followed by a three-day special diet to determine if I have any kind of prostate cancer or cancer in my bowel. I fully understand that every male over 50 should have the test done, and I'm fully expecting a clean bill of health, it was just him mentioning the word 'cancer' after all this week's mishaps that sent me over the edge. I cried.

And, oh yeah, I'm bipolar and gay too.

So I just wanted a few days off. Hope you all understand. I'm truly not seeking the 'sympathy' vote. I just wanted to clear the air and expain my absence.

Cheers

Rick



Take all the time you need... sometimes there are more important things to take care of than writing blurbs for our blogs, huh? Thanks for checking in -- hope you feel better soon! :)

Ditto from me, too. Glad you're back.

I know about the falling over and crying, when you can't understand why it is this way. I get that way quite often. I haven't been commenting much around, just don't seem to know what to say. Hope things get back to "normal"? soon.

You take all the time you need to compose yourself and sort things out in your own mind.

You know I'm here any time if you need... just an email away for you.

{{{hugs}}}

No need for apologies friend. I was just worried about you. Hope things are feeling better for you soon.

Hi Rick, You may not realize it right now, but you've got so much on your plate & you're really dealing with it all pretty well. The fact that you're still writing & still getting old artifacts definately shows your steps are going forward.
You aren't alone in retreating. Write about whatever you want to. There's been time where I've just said, "I've got nothing to say" cuz that was the most I cuold say.
Please take care of yourself, don't worry about internet stuff. We're your friends and are here for you.

Absolutely second, third and fourth what others have said here...take your time, do what you gotta do.

I suppose I am very guilty of creating some of the drams in my own life...if I could keep my reactions in check maybe so much of this stuff wouldn't happen.

Then again, I still DO have a very evil, manipulative woman caring for my children *shudder* so...perhaps its really not ALL ME!

Keep your chin up, keep on truckin. Hope the bill of health is indeed clean. Let us know.

Hugs & love!

You're dealing with a lot right now, and that -- rightfully so -- is your focus. No need to apologize for your brief hiatus; taking care of yourself is the most important thing right now.

Just know you can drop an e-mail any time you like.

Take care!

Big hug,

Dirk

Take the time you need.
We'll all be thinking about you.
Take care of yourself!

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  • I'm Evydense
  • From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
  • And I'm tired of living in the shadow of narrow-mindedness and ignorance. So here's the fax, Jack! "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred and sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." - Lynne Lavner*** I'm confused; curious; satisfied; realistically resigned to being a frustrated idealist; usually at peace with myself, but not always. Amazed at how little I know, and wondering how much I need to understand.
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