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Guilt, Embarrassment, Shame

"Live by what you believe so fully that your life blossoms, or else purge the fear-and-guilt producing beliefs from your life. When people believe one thing and do something else, they are inviting misery. If you give yourself the name, play the game.” - anon











This will be short. I know now that I am just now starting to work my way out of one of the largest "mental storms" I've faced so far. I'm slowly making the climb "up" again. Recently, I have said too much here in my blog, I suppose inwardly seeking some supportive comment and reaction, but in doing so I hurt too many people.

My brain does not function "normally" anymore; it goes off on its own tangent sometimes. I know that! While I try my best at doing the biofeedback thing, I'm guessing that this particular over-the-top period for me was simply due to the fact that I was unable to handle so many things that seemed to me to be happening to me all at once. (That's self-blame, folks, check the 3rd quote up above. I just left out the "self-help" step.)

I believe I included this is one of my blogs a year or so ago, I don't remember. But I'm going to share it again nonetheless. I wrote it when I was at the "bottom" of my cycle, trying to explain to myself mostly, but to others as well, using non-conventional sentences but rather snippets of thoughts that were in my mind at the time, to convey what was going on "in there" .


your frame of reference

your journey's care.

Spinning.

.....Twisting.

..........Crumbles into chaos.

You're left alone

......with the shadows.

............and the fear.

Everything moves.

Nothing moves.

Up is down, green is brown.

The storm in mind

subsides.

Tranquil again.

Awaiting the next tsunami.

____________________________________________

Love and peace to all of you.

Rick



O.K. I swore to myself I was not going to say anything else re: this.
You say you feel guilt, embarassment & shame.
My friend, you should feel none of those.
You are not the one who should be feeling those things. I am sorry the tables got turned on you.
Sounds like someone has been kicking you when you are down.

It will be ok. No part of the cycle is really fun and I understand your fight Evy. It's all ok.

Thinkin of ya, hope you are feeling better...

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  • I'm Evydense
  • From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
  • And I'm tired of living in the shadow of narrow-mindedness and ignorance. So here's the fax, Jack! "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred and sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." - Lynne Lavner*** I'm confused; curious; satisfied; realistically resigned to being a frustrated idealist; usually at peace with myself, but not always. Amazed at how little I know, and wondering how much I need to understand.
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