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I Don't Think I Know What To Say.....

"The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved." - Mother Teresa

"It's so lonely when you don't even know yourself." - unknown

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration." - Pearl S. Buck

Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.” - unknown

It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.” - Albert Einstein

Who knows what true loneliness is - not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion.” - Joseph Conrad

Tears may be dried up, but the heart - never.” - Margarite Gardiner

When one by one our ties are torn, and friend from friend is snatched forlorn; when man is left alone to mourn, oh! then how sweet it is to die!” - Anna Letitia Barbauld

I have been a depressed person most of my life. I was always in the throes of self-hatred.” - Eve Ensler

I've not had a good summer, and I can't find the right words to tell you that.

So, for those who understand, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. It is such a precious gift for me.

For those who don't understand, I'm sorry, I truly am, but I can't help you further......

If you've been reading my blog over the past year or so, you'll know I'm a collector of "things". I'm getting rid of most of them now....they are quite useless. But there are a precious few things that will never be discarded. Some of those have come in the form of greeting cards or feedback of some sort that I have received at various times of my life. I'd like to share parts of several of them with you....both for myself as much as for you.

From a student when I was off work for an extended period of time due to depression, back in my teaching days:

"Caring every day, being engaged in life, living with passion and leading with your heart is both frightening and fulfilling. The pain that comes with living this way seems to be the entry fee to living life fully.

Keep on caring, Rick. Continue to be who you are! Please know in your heart that you enrich our lives."

...and from another person whose life path crossed with mine:

"Thank you, Rick, for being exactly who you are, and believing in me. ... I wish for you health, good days often, and friendship on the down days. If more people in this world were like you, this earth we live on could be an incredible place!"

....from the parents of a student at Graduation, while I was chatting with him and his parents, his Dad said:

"We really wanted to meet you. C. keeps telling us that you turned him around and headed him in the right direction. If you hadn't bothered to have that long talk with him that day, he was ready to withdraw right then. Now, you've given him a career." [He turned out to be a high honours student!]

[By way of explanation, I have never shared the following comments with anyone before. It has been my personal and private "mood-booster" whenever I reach a point where I think I've pretty much bottomed out.....it's not intended to be here for bragging rights!]

....from an attendee of a conference session I put on in Chicago on student success (there were about 100 folks at my session) :

"Rick is so energetic and creative and organized and tricky and (almost) unpredictable. At times, moved too fast for us note-takers, but the speed was part of the charm. Helped me to see some real commitment within this student success business."

....and from others:

"He did and was everything I want to be."

"Best presentation I have ever experienced."

"We were energized by your energy."

"An exceptional motivator of creative thinking."

"Entertaining, wacky, and memorable, as well as being most useful."

"The highlight of the conference."

"Wonderful ideas. Most fun. Wish I could just take Rick to my classes."

"I envy his students."

"What a stimulating session. I needed it. (Rick is a doll!)"

"Too many to list. The illustrations and examples were excellent----the ways that you involved the group and used yourself as an example, simply wonderful."

"What a guy! I'll recommend that he get a raise at NAIT or he get hired at a HUGE salary and send him on the road."

"Rick, your enthusiasm, your wonderful sense of humour and your brilliant ideas made this a fantastic session."

The sole problem with those and others like them is that people tend to see what they wish to see. I'm not at all ungrateful...as I said, those cards and notes shall be found amongst my estate someday. But pain....true, deep-down, unsolvable, continuous pain doesn't show, neither does our language have appropriate enough words to express it.

When the first light of sun, Bless you. When the long day is done, Bless you. In your smiles and your tears, Bless you. Through each day of your years, Bless you.” - Irish Blessing

God bless...

........................................................and PEACE.

I'm so glad you're back. Many of us have checked on you on a daily basis.
You never know when something you say or something you do will touch another soul. You never know when someone else will touch your soul. Dying is easy...its the living that's hard.
It seems you have touched many people's lives from the notes they wrote you...and I'm sure you will touch many more. You can't stop now.

I know about a life you have touched.
You made a HUGE difference in this persons life.
You are a sweet, caring man. Too bad there weren't more like you Rick.

I understand all too well the feelings of loneliness and depression.

I also understand the need to take a break from blogging. I keep thinking I will, but sometimes it's all I feel I really have so I keep plugging away.

Wherever the road takes you, please know that you have many of us checking in on a regular basis and hoping you are doing well.

WOW! I have been checking and checking, and today it paid off! Here you are! You should know you made a huge HUGE impact on my life, the direction it took and is taking. We all have those days where things are down, and days where things are good. I do hope you get some more of the good on the up from the summer. You have been missed very much. Though all of your down times, you still manage to be an inspiration to others. You are an amazing person Rick.

It's nice to see a post :) I hope you are doing okay. I know life can be a downer sometimes, but what doesn't kill us will make us stronger, eventually.

{{{hugs}}} for you!

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  • I'm Evydense
  • From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
  • And I'm tired of living in the shadow of narrow-mindedness and ignorance. So here's the fax, Jack! "The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and three hundred and sixty-two admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." - Lynne Lavner*** I'm confused; curious; satisfied; realistically resigned to being a frustrated idealist; usually at peace with myself, but not always. Amazed at how little I know, and wondering how much I need to understand.
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