First, let me apologize for all the typos and spelling errors in the last post. You must have had as much fun as putting together a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle with a handful of pieces missing (starting with the title!). Just because of its nature, I found it too hard to go through again doing proof-reading right then.






The word is ALONE.

Some people speak of being alone as if it implies some kind of threat that should be avoided at all cost. But you know, there are some circumstances in our lives that can be handled properly only after a time of solitude. It is when we draw apart from a busy world and seek new sources of inspiration that, from somewhere deep inside our own being, the voice of creative magic, imagination speaks and the answers to our problems come with such clarity. Being alone need not be loneliness.

(Note: all these "Word is..." quotes are from a delightful, challenging, uplifting, pensive book by Robert Rhea)



I'll spare you the details of the next six months of my life, except to say that it involved a lot of alcohol, a consistent slipping of and absence at work, a withdrawal from my friends, an isolation of myself as never before.

I had never witnessed death before, and I was angry at Dad because there were still so many unspoken words between us. I didn't know how to find them, and he didn't need to look for them.

Have you every had one of those "Aha insight!" moments, where everything just seems to fit, things are working as they should, you just figured out the answer you were working on" One of those? If you do, you'll understand what I'm feeling, if you've never experienced it, trust me, they happen.

I rode the commuter train home from work each day, and as an employee of over 5 years, I also get a pass to go anywhere I want, subject to availability of course. I wrote my boss a letter giving him the REAL update of where my work stood, I wrote a letter to my Mom, but mailed it inside a cover letter to my sister. My sister's letter asked her to do me a big favour and drive up to be with Mom when she read it, because I didn't think she was strong enough to read it alone. My sister chose to open the letter instead, and notified the rest of the family.

All this while, I'm sitting on a free-pass train seat on my way to commit suicide in the Rockies. My perverted logic at the time was that if I was going to go, I might as well go in style.

And there were two ladies sharng the same berth with me. After the "who gives a shit" introductions, soon the niceties were out of the way. After about an hour, one of the ladies leaned forward, put her hand on my knee, and asked the simple question, "What's wrong?"

The Lady on The Train.

Ah yes, I've referred to her often throughout my life, and will continue to do so. I didn't even get her name, which is probably appropriate. The two of them spent the next two days of their lives listening to a litany of how I saw my past. But they only listened, because usually a few hours later, I'd have worked out my own answer...or at least, a workable one.

Why Edmonton? I have a dear, dear friend who has been my "best buddy" since Grade 7, and she lived in Edmonton now (and then!......1975). Literally as we were pulling into the Edmonton station, my stranger friend suggested, Why don't you get off here and visit with you friend.

This is all very hard for me to write. I gave them both hugs...and I really meant it.

That lady saved my life that day.

I phoned my friend S. (after an episode during which I think I was raped, but I'm not sure). She took a few days off work to do some more listening and then...totally out of the blue....asked "Why don't you come out here and start over?". I had no answer, except "Yeah, why not"

I dedicated myself to excellence that week. It doesn't always show, but does more often than not. My two biggest achievements were the Scout Troop which I built up (including things like bicycle rides from here through to Vancouver....look it up!!) but mostly through my teaching. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my ego (and professionalism) was just a little bit stoked by the student feedback I consistently received.

I slowly see my skills leaving me now as my writing becomes more and more stilted, it's not prepared, and it's not face-to-face....but I know I did it well back then when it affected kid's careers..

Thank you for sharing this with me.



The word is CONVICTION"

One of the most valuable goals we can have is to establish and mainain the conviction that things have a way of working out and that good will manifest itself. This is especially true in the midst of confused times. After all long discussions and various opinions about the government, politics, the state of our economy or some intensely personal problem, what holds you steady, lifts you above confusion and doubt and gives you comfort? Is it not the conviction that you can weather the storm because you are in charge of your life.

PEACE.

Posted by Evydense on Thursday, November 09, 2006 at 9:28 a.m. | Permalink