"The evils of government are directly proportional to the tolerance of the people." - anon

"Why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world--to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want." - Ayn Rand

"To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know?” - Socrates



[You may find this entry a bit disturbing, as not only does it use foul language, but it skirts the issue of suicide.....a topic I will most likely return to later. It is a very real topic for me. I believe I read somewhere that the rate of suicides amongst bipolars is 5 times the average. That cuts the odds a bit!.]

[This entry reads a little "herky-jerky". It's from sheets that had incomplete thoughts, but I couldn't write as fast as my brain was thinking, so there are gaps. Some of it may not make much sense as a result. They are marked as being written on Apr 16, 2003, which was right in the midle of my first major manic attack, but before I got to the hospital.

Finally, I want to say here that I hope my posting about "The Adventure" will appear shortly, but it's something new about me that none of you know. Another layer to peel away, and like all of them, it's likely to be fairly painful. All I can do is hope you'll either bear with me, or stop reading. I'm simply hoping you won't judge me.]

[continued from previous post]



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All we can really hope for, I suppose, is that anything we learn doesn't leave us with as many answers as it does new or different questions. It's those questions that guide the trip. It'd be miserable if we ran out of new questions to answer.

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When you look at both the white side and the dark side simultaneously, that's when you can see the devil inside. (INXS wrote a song about that, didn't they?)
Destroying demons is good.
Killing people is bad.
What's the difference? It's still killing.

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Sometimes truth defies reason.

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We all want our "death time" to be a surprise. It'd most likely be so much easier to take. But what of those of us who will likely end our own existence at some point? Will we be as surprised?



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The violent sublety of being forced to watch someone have their head cut off. "I like to watch", is a famous line from the movie "Being There", with Peter Sellers. Am I losing control of my path choices here?

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By giving myself to your trust, I'm freeing myself from me.

Another HOL-EEEE FUCK movie!! They ALL have a hologram of the message of existence. (post-it note) Have a discussion with yourself on selective perception and place of existence. PRIOR to watching this movie, I had all these thoughts. Now I'm seeing them again in visual form. This is freaking me out.

Now, within 12 hours, I'm moving to the next level "VOICE CONTACT".

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This game has created its own new fear --- "fear of playing the game."
And the circle is complete.
The game consumes the victim who destroys the game, which....

Ground Hog Day...great movie, repeats till you get it right.

How would I know that when I wrote that, that I would see this movie and need that thought to complete this one.

Gestalt.



THIS IS BRILLIANT, DOCTOR!

Perhaps I've just invented a new form of sychotherapy.

Maybe I REALLY AM CRAZY, but I'm SELF-ANALYZING MYSELF BETTER BY FORCING MYSELF TO SEE MY PAIN IN EVERY INPUT THAT I HAVE (i.e. movie-watching, brain-talking, writing, pot-induced thoughts and combined ideas from mixing any combination of source of ideas).

Basically, we're building a big box in the ground.

BURIAL!!

Getting rid of demons!

HOL----EEEE FUCK!!

That probably explains why my absolute greatest fear is to be buried alive. That's where we put all the demons.

I'm afraid of you.

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PEACE.

Posted by Evydense on Thursday, November 08, 2007 at 5:42 p.m. | Permalink